'That's right folks, now that I have singlehandedly 'saved' millions and millions of grateful American 'voters', I declare 'Victory' over this so-called flu bug, or whatever it's called! 'Only' sixty thousand Americans dead! Compare that to how many are killed in traffic wrecks! People...good people...die all the time. From stuff, and things like that. We all, especially relatives, know 'someone' that has died from 'something'... right? I do. I bet you do too. And do we shut America down because of a bunch of deadly car crashes? I mean, who does that?
Remember how I belatedly stopped almost all travel from China? Remember that one? Yep, that was 'me', 'Late-At-The-Gate-In-Chief'', after the 'horse' had already escaped. If only someone had warned me earlier.
'Some' say that I waited too long, but in my own pitiful defense, I was just waiting for 'Fox News' to provide me with the 'complete facts' before deciding to 'save', like I said, millions, and million, and millions of voters lives. Of course, now, they all owe me big huge time, and I'm sure I can sucker them into casting their wasted votes in my more than worthy direction.
So, in light of my 'unbelievable' total 'victory' over this flu bug, I declare that I will continue saving voters lives by "fading out" the Social Distancing Guidelines, you know, like the ones that my Assistant king pence, totally abused when he forced a visit on the Mayo Clinic the other day. Great guy! Loyal royal! They were in awe of his 'Nobel' presence. Best head nodding, 'middle finger puppet' I've ever hired. A big finger, and a round of applause for my man pence.. clap, clap.
So, let's go America, especially you faithful, always there, no matter what stupid crap I say or do, Republicans. Open those schools, open those shops, those movie houses, those ball stadiums, lets pack people in elbow to butthole, the hell with this useless, burdensome, un-American 'social distancing' fiasco. I need voters and this current ego trip will reel them in like the suckers they assuredly are. Don'tcha just love ignorant Americans? I sure do!'
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Remember how I belatedly stopped almost all travel from China? Remember that one? Yep, that was 'me', 'Late-At-The-Gate-In-Chief'', after the 'horse' had already escaped. If only someone had warned me earlier.
'Some' say that I waited too long, but in my own pitiful defense, I was just waiting for 'Fox News' to provide me with the 'complete facts' before deciding to 'save', like I said, millions, and million, and millions of voters lives. Of course, now, they all owe me big huge time, and I'm sure I can sucker them into casting their wasted votes in my more than worthy direction.
So, in light of my 'unbelievable' total 'victory' over this flu bug, I declare that I will continue saving voters lives by "fading out" the Social Distancing Guidelines, you know, like the ones that my Assistant king pence, totally abused when he forced a visit on the Mayo Clinic the other day. Great guy! Loyal royal! They were in awe of his 'Nobel' presence. Best head nodding, 'middle finger puppet' I've ever hired. A big finger, and a round of applause for my man pence.. clap, clap.
So, let's go America, especially you faithful, always there, no matter what stupid crap I say or do, Republicans. Open those schools, open those shops, those movie houses, those ball stadiums, lets pack people in elbow to butthole, the hell with this useless, burdensome, un-American 'social distancing' fiasco. I need voters and this current ego trip will reel them in like the suckers they assuredly are. Don'tcha just love ignorant Americans? I sure do!'
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