'My fellow Floridians, some of you may 'know' me, or at least have heard of me, I am your 'learned' Governor, you know, of Florida. I come to you today to share with you what I have convinced myself of, and hopefully you as well, as to the absolute truth of this "hoax", commonly referred to as the Coronavirus. First off, Really!?? I mean really? Doesn't 'anyone' listen to our savior and lord, 'King Trump'? Is no one listening out there? Hello!? Is this mic turned on? It must be, it feels so 'firm' in my one gloved hand. You may wonder why I have only one hand safely incapsulated in this lovely blue glove? Sure you do. I call it my 'half assed coronavirus safety measure'. This glove protects my one hand, while my lord and savior King Trump protects my other. Of course, he also protects my position as your esteemed governor. Can't beat that!
As the whole world by now knows, I'm what'cha might call, 'A halfassed, Republican, Head bobbing, Finger Puppet Governor'. As such, it's up to me to 'guide' my followers along the path of righteousness, enlightenment, knowledge, and the 'truth', as I alone 'know' it.
So, today my fellow minions, I have incredibly, totally 'unbelievable', news about this Democratic induced coronavirus hoax.
Come closer to your TV screens and place your sweaty hands on my quizzical forehead, and repeat after me; “I don't think, nationwide, there's been a single fatality under 25 [due to the coronavirus].” There! That should do it! Now you know what I, myself, 'know', and believe, and implore you to believe it as well. If it were not so, I would not have told you so. Place all your 'trust' in 'me' folks. Don't listen to those uneducated scientists, and doctors who 'claim' to know all there is to know about 'alleged' scientific things.
Your children in Florida, are as 'safe' from the hoax of the coronavirus, as, ahh..well, my ungloved hand, and my unmasked puzzled looking face!' ;)
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis claimed during a coronavirus education meeting Thursday that “I don't think, nationwide, there's been a single fatality under 25 [due to the coronavirus].”
As the whole world by now knows, I'm what'cha might call, 'A halfassed, Republican, Head bobbing, Finger Puppet Governor'. As such, it's up to me to 'guide' my followers along the path of righteousness, enlightenment, knowledge, and the 'truth', as I alone 'know' it.
So, today my fellow minions, I have incredibly, totally 'unbelievable', news about this Democratic induced coronavirus hoax.
Come closer to your TV screens and place your sweaty hands on my quizzical forehead, and repeat after me; “I don't think, nationwide, there's been a single fatality under 25 [due to the coronavirus].” There! That should do it! Now you know what I, myself, 'know', and believe, and implore you to believe it as well. If it were not so, I would not have told you so. Place all your 'trust' in 'me' folks. Don't listen to those uneducated scientists, and doctors who 'claim' to know all there is to know about 'alleged' scientific things.
Your children in Florida, are as 'safe' from the hoax of the coronavirus, as, ahh..well, my ungloved hand, and my unmasked puzzled looking face!' ;)
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis claimed during a coronavirus education meeting Thursday that “I don't think, nationwide, there's been a single fatality under 25 [due to the coronavirus].”
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