'Welcome, Fellow Immigrants'
'Welcome, welcome, welcome 'immigrants', and 'tourists' alike. We hope you had a pleasant and safe journey, and enjoyed the amenities while aboard our newest luxury liner, 'The Ship From Hell'. We apologize for running out of food and water so early in the trip. So, to make up for that inexcusable lack of planning on our part, you will all be issued five free tickets for family members that in your rush for a 'better' life, you left behind, good for passage on our next departing one way cruise to America, the home of the brave, land of the free. As soon as you are settled in and comfortable in your new fully furnished 'homes', be sure to send those tickets to your waiting relatives in your homelands so they can join you here in the land of milk and honey. Now please be careful disembarking, don't get all tangled up in your neighbors Chains, an injured 'immigrant' is of no use to Anyone, and don't worry about your luggage, we'll have it shipped to your new destination. Oh yes, about those Chains attached to your snappy little 'bracelets', we apologize for any inconvenience or discomfort these may have caused you while in the ships airless, feces encrusted holds from hell, but it was for your own safety which as you saw, kept you from being washed overboard during those hurricanes you sailed through. Unfortunately the master key for the locks was lost during the voyage, but we are 'busy' having a replacement key sent from Africa, please be patient. Our worldly so-called doctor of sorts will be happy to rub salt in your wounds, this will make you appreciate leaving your hot, sweltering homeland for a far better clime. Our next stop on your busy agenda will be the 'Immigration Welcoming Blocks' where you will be examined by our world renowned, common senseless, so-called brain surgeon, Dr. Ben Carson, for treatment of any accidental injuries which may have occurred while being senselessly Battered by those nasty storms, and at the calloused hands of your 'cruise' ship crew. Those sailors can be a pesky lot for sure. After that, you will 'proudly' stand upon the 'Host Block', where it is our uniquely American custom of assigning each of you to a 'host' family with whom you will reside until further notice. Remember to Always refer to your host family as 'Yes Massa', they love those words of praise. Luckily for you, you will receive 'free' room and board so you will not be burdened with the worry of money falling through the holes in your pockets. Remember, 'money is the root of all evil', and we'll have 'None' of that here.
Now, you might notice that while here in your new country, folks will flippantly refer to you as 'Slaves, Blackies, Property, Negras, Darkies', and such. We Americans have a funny bone way of showing our 'love' for our immigrants. We'll just up and 'love' you right to Death. But don't let that bother you one bit, as those words are merely terms of 'endearment', you probably heard worse than that from your ships crew. Those rascally sailors have their own brand of humor, which upon reflection, and plenty of time, you'll come to find humorous and even miss. Americans just have a special way of making immigrants feel right at home. Now, once you are comfortably acclimated to your new homes, the next day you will be assigned certain chores to attend to. Oh, before I forget, and speaking of 'brands' earlier, there will be a little fun surprise 'branding party' after you have gone 'home' with your host family. It's just another little American custom, nothing to be concerned about. Now as you all know, Idle hands are the devil's workshop, so we must stay busy, busy, while the Sun shines, and keep those evil spirits away. You may notice that your host family might smite you with a horse whip occasionally. Don't let this concern you, it's just another American custom of showing our love, respect, and appreciation for our swarthy immigrants. Our good Doctor Carson will be there at all times for you to bathe your whip lacerations with a healthy application of medicinal sea salt. Wonderful healing powers. Remember, always be happy you are no longer near death in the sweltering, rat infested ships holds. Remember how those giant rats would eat at your toes, and especially your very dead 'bunkmate'? Well, we have 'saved' you from ever having That horrible experience again. Again we 'apologize' for that temporary inconvenience. Be happy that your ship actually floated as intended, things could be 'worse'. Remember, hard work will 'set you free'...in oh,...about 300 years from now. :/ :/
Buddy'sSatiricalRamblings 3/17
'Welcome, welcome, welcome 'immigrants', and 'tourists' alike. We hope you had a pleasant and safe journey, and enjoyed the amenities while aboard our newest luxury liner, 'The Ship From Hell'. We apologize for running out of food and water so early in the trip. So, to make up for that inexcusable lack of planning on our part, you will all be issued five free tickets for family members that in your rush for a 'better' life, you left behind, good for passage on our next departing one way cruise to America, the home of the brave, land of the free. As soon as you are settled in and comfortable in your new fully furnished 'homes', be sure to send those tickets to your waiting relatives in your homelands so they can join you here in the land of milk and honey. Now please be careful disembarking, don't get all tangled up in your neighbors Chains, an injured 'immigrant' is of no use to Anyone, and don't worry about your luggage, we'll have it shipped to your new destination. Oh yes, about those Chains attached to your snappy little 'bracelets', we apologize for any inconvenience or discomfort these may have caused you while in the ships airless, feces encrusted holds from hell, but it was for your own safety which as you saw, kept you from being washed overboard during those hurricanes you sailed through. Unfortunately the master key for the locks was lost during the voyage, but we are 'busy' having a replacement key sent from Africa, please be patient. Our worldly so-called doctor of sorts will be happy to rub salt in your wounds, this will make you appreciate leaving your hot, sweltering homeland for a far better clime. Our next stop on your busy agenda will be the 'Immigration Welcoming Blocks' where you will be examined by our world renowned, common senseless, so-called brain surgeon, Dr. Ben Carson, for treatment of any accidental injuries which may have occurred while being senselessly Battered by those nasty storms, and at the calloused hands of your 'cruise' ship crew. Those sailors can be a pesky lot for sure. After that, you will 'proudly' stand upon the 'Host Block', where it is our uniquely American custom of assigning each of you to a 'host' family with whom you will reside until further notice. Remember to Always refer to your host family as 'Yes Massa', they love those words of praise. Luckily for you, you will receive 'free' room and board so you will not be burdened with the worry of money falling through the holes in your pockets. Remember, 'money is the root of all evil', and we'll have 'None' of that here.
Now, you might notice that while here in your new country, folks will flippantly refer to you as 'Slaves, Blackies, Property, Negras, Darkies', and such. We Americans have a funny bone way of showing our 'love' for our immigrants. We'll just up and 'love' you right to Death. But don't let that bother you one bit, as those words are merely terms of 'endearment', you probably heard worse than that from your ships crew. Those rascally sailors have their own brand of humor, which upon reflection, and plenty of time, you'll come to find humorous and even miss. Americans just have a special way of making immigrants feel right at home. Now, once you are comfortably acclimated to your new homes, the next day you will be assigned certain chores to attend to. Oh, before I forget, and speaking of 'brands' earlier, there will be a little fun surprise 'branding party' after you have gone 'home' with your host family. It's just another little American custom, nothing to be concerned about. Now as you all know, Idle hands are the devil's workshop, so we must stay busy, busy, while the Sun shines, and keep those evil spirits away. You may notice that your host family might smite you with a horse whip occasionally. Don't let this concern you, it's just another American custom of showing our love, respect, and appreciation for our swarthy immigrants. Our good Doctor Carson will be there at all times for you to bathe your whip lacerations with a healthy application of medicinal sea salt. Wonderful healing powers. Remember, always be happy you are no longer near death in the sweltering, rat infested ships holds. Remember how those giant rats would eat at your toes, and especially your very dead 'bunkmate'? Well, we have 'saved' you from ever having That horrible experience again. Again we 'apologize' for that temporary inconvenience. Be happy that your ship actually floated as intended, things could be 'worse'. Remember, hard work will 'set you free'...in oh,...about 300 years from now. :/ :/
Buddy'sSatiricalRamblings 3/17
Ben Carson appeared to liken slaves to immigrants who choose to come to the United States while addressing employees at the Department of Housing and Urban Development Monday.
cnn.com|By Dan Merica
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