'The other night, no, not That one, the Other one, as I was prostrating my self in front of my idol, President Trump, I thought to no one in particular, what's the 'best' thing that's ever, ever, happened to this broken down, in need of complete overhaul, country of ours. At first I thought, well, maybe it's the automobile, I mean after all just think about how hard it'd be for me to get to any of my mansions without a nice car. But I passed on that one when I looked out and saw my Private jet in the hanger. Well, how about our Constitution, surely that rates near the top. But then I remembered how tarnished, ragged, meaningless, and outdated it is and how we Republicans are gonna pen a new one based on what's good for Republicans, and so I scratched that one off the list. How about the 'Gun', without which we'd never been able to steal America away from its indigenous peoples, and with which we now protect ourselves from one another? But No, not that either, we had lots of 'beads' and 'trinkets', but most of all Jesus on our side, so if we couldn't shoot them we could trick them, and give them Jesus. And then, when I thought of Jesus, I immediately was reminded of my other idol, President Donald Trump. I quickly administered to myself 30 lashes with my 'cat of nine tails' for not thinking of him in the first place. Wow! That smarts! Silly me! I then groveled even lower in front of my idol. Never have I felt lower, and next to nothing, as I did while praising his highness, our savior President Trump. 'Obviously', of all the things that has happened to our country, Trump is a "Biblical Miracle, the greatest thing that's happened to this country". Jesus himself, has sent him to singlehandedly save America from its disgraceful, sinful self. Praise the good Lord and pass the collection plate! Hallelujah! God is great! A big shout out for the 'man'! Well, looks like re-election time's coming close so I'll be visiting a Christian place of worship near you, maybe even your own church. I'll have with me a miniature replica of our esteemed President so that everyone can lay hands on his likeness, and anoint him with holy spirits, and dollar bills. Remember, democracy isn't free. Remember also, to vote the right vote, both myself, and your God given President will reward you tenfold. What 'lucky' Americans we are!' 
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Claiming that Trump is “the greatest thing that’s happened to this country,” GOP Senator Luther Strange calls President Trump “a biblical miracle.”
patheos.com|By Progressive Secular Humanist Examiner
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