'OK, here's my story which I'm sticking to unless there's video or audio to refute it.'
'Once upon a time..I mean, One day while minding my very own entitled business, and thinking of practically nothing in particular, Ring, Ring, I get this mysterious E-mail on my batphone. I get zillions of E-mails everyday because I'm, as you are well aware, very famous both here in America, and in Russia, the home of daddy's BFF. And wouldn't you know, the E-mail was from someone in Russia that I don't even 'know'. Never heard of'em. No clue. Clueless. Totally clueless. In 'more' ways than One. How they got my personal E-mail, I'll never know. Hopefully, no one will. This very much 'unknown' Russian person 'sorta' hinted that they may have some 'dirt' on that Hillary woman that was making my daddy's life a living heck. Disgusting woman! Horrible. This totally, heretofore, unknown to me, Russian person wanted to meet with me in order to parlay some, no doubt, nefarious dirty scoop about that Clinton woman. Immediately I thought, hey, this might be against the 'law'! I mean, who does this sort of 'under the table' stuff? My daddy would be really offended if we let these infilitrators get away with this and besmirch his holier than thou name. He, himself, would never do something this low down and dirty, and I sure as heck was not about to let someone else do it either. So I thought out loud, hey, let's go under cover and trap this scheming spy misstress. So, I gathered up my In-Law bro, and that other guy, and we set off to catch this Russian sneak in the dark. We had 'no' idea what this was all about, never even 'heard' of this hot looking, irrisistably fetching Russian 'lawyer' but we figured, oh, what the heck, lets just go anyway, maybe there's some good Russian Vodka on hand. I've never, ever, even Met a Russian, let alone a hot looking one that could win any beauty contest with both hands tied behind her back. Hey, I don't even know where Russia is! Couldn't find it on a map if I was blindfolded with a thumb in my eye. I can't even spell it. So, off we went and knocked on the door of some place I've never even been before. Couldn't find it again even under a Federal subpoena. When she opened the door, the air was flooded with her enticing, cheap Russian perfume, her flaxen hair curling down around her barely clothed shoulders, her slinky dress barely clinging to her tight, perky, tawny figure. Any man weaker than my richly entitled self would have been drawn into her web of deciet, and would surely have dropped a bucketfull of State Secrets into her sweaty clevage. But, being of pure blooded Trump lineage I was not to be so easily beguiled by this Russian vixian. I was on a mission to save America from this Ruskie hottie-tottie that was so eager to foul the name of my daddy's political opponent, who by the way needed no help with That at all. After a few seconds of small talk I scientifically determined that this amateur spy had nothing more dirty to offer than perhaps the 'made in China' socks she was wearing. At that point she suggested instead that we start up a Childrens Adoption Agency where American's could adopt Russian children, and visa versa. After about fifteen minutes we all went our innocent seperate ways, all smelling sweetly of Russian perfume, heady with cheap Vodka, and the odour of international intrigue. Unfortunatly, no one even 'thought' about video or audio recording our simply brief, innocent, chance encounter with this supposidly Russian Child Adoption Agency Lawyer who is not connected in any form or fashion with the Russian Government, according to her. I am only dissapointed that I could not have been able to capture a spy, if indeed she was one, which I'm pretty sure she's not, according to her, I'm fairly certain, probably. And that's my 'story', and void of video or audio, I'm stickin' to it. For now. At the moment, anyway. We''ll see. I'm pretty sure. Really. If I've ever 'learned' anything from my daddy, it's to never admit to anything, never say I'm sorry, and never, ever say, Opps, I was wrong about that one.'
'Once upon a time..I mean, One day while minding my very own entitled business, and thinking of practically nothing in particular, Ring, Ring, I get this mysterious E-mail on my batphone. I get zillions of E-mails everyday because I'm, as you are well aware, very famous both here in America, and in Russia, the home of daddy's BFF. And wouldn't you know, the E-mail was from someone in Russia that I don't even 'know'. Never heard of'em. No clue. Clueless. Totally clueless. In 'more' ways than One. How they got my personal E-mail, I'll never know. Hopefully, no one will. This very much 'unknown' Russian person 'sorta' hinted that they may have some 'dirt' on that Hillary woman that was making my daddy's life a living heck. Disgusting woman! Horrible. This totally, heretofore, unknown to me, Russian person wanted to meet with me in order to parlay some, no doubt, nefarious dirty scoop about that Clinton woman. Immediately I thought, hey, this might be against the 'law'! I mean, who does this sort of 'under the table' stuff? My daddy would be really offended if we let these infilitrators get away with this and besmirch his holier than thou name. He, himself, would never do something this low down and dirty, and I sure as heck was not about to let someone else do it either. So I thought out loud, hey, let's go under cover and trap this scheming spy misstress. So, I gathered up my In-Law bro, and that other guy, and we set off to catch this Russian sneak in the dark. We had 'no' idea what this was all about, never even 'heard' of this hot looking, irrisistably fetching Russian 'lawyer' but we figured, oh, what the heck, lets just go anyway, maybe there's some good Russian Vodka on hand. I've never, ever, even Met a Russian, let alone a hot looking one that could win any beauty contest with both hands tied behind her back. Hey, I don't even know where Russia is! Couldn't find it on a map if I was blindfolded with a thumb in my eye. I can't even spell it. So, off we went and knocked on the door of some place I've never even been before. Couldn't find it again even under a Federal subpoena. When she opened the door, the air was flooded with her enticing, cheap Russian perfume, her flaxen hair curling down around her barely clothed shoulders, her slinky dress barely clinging to her tight, perky, tawny figure. Any man weaker than my richly entitled self would have been drawn into her web of deciet, and would surely have dropped a bucketfull of State Secrets into her sweaty clevage. But, being of pure blooded Trump lineage I was not to be so easily beguiled by this Russian vixian. I was on a mission to save America from this Ruskie hottie-tottie that was so eager to foul the name of my daddy's political opponent, who by the way needed no help with That at all. After a few seconds of small talk I scientifically determined that this amateur spy had nothing more dirty to offer than perhaps the 'made in China' socks she was wearing. At that point she suggested instead that we start up a Childrens Adoption Agency where American's could adopt Russian children, and visa versa. After about fifteen minutes we all went our innocent seperate ways, all smelling sweetly of Russian perfume, heady with cheap Vodka, and the odour of international intrigue. Unfortunatly, no one even 'thought' about video or audio recording our simply brief, innocent, chance encounter with this supposidly Russian Child Adoption Agency Lawyer who is not connected in any form or fashion with the Russian Government, according to her. I am only dissapointed that I could not have been able to capture a spy, if indeed she was one, which I'm pretty sure she's not, according to her, I'm fairly certain, probably. And that's my 'story', and void of video or audio, I'm stickin' to it. For now. At the moment, anyway. We''ll see. I'm pretty sure. Really. If I've ever 'learned' anything from my daddy, it's to never admit to anything, never say I'm sorry, and never, ever say, Opps, I was wrong about that one.'
Donald Trump Jr. has offered a series of explanations over the past 72 hours for why he met with a Russian lawyer who purported to have information about Hillary…
cnn.com|By Chris Cillizza
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