Monday, March 2, 2020

'PattyWack, Pattywack, Give A Dog A Boner'

'Yeahhhhh...', says the 'PattyWack, pattywack, give a dog a boners', 'we don't want no stinkin' "bisexuals" in our 'straight' parade!' 'How dare her/him or whatever, even think about struttin' her/his gay stuff in our little green, homophobic parade that celebrates a mythological 'religious' character from the 5th Century who's 'history' was mostly, supposedly, 'authored' by Patty himself, a fable, not unlike jesus himself, that has been handed down and embellished over the centuries. Over the following centuries, many 'legends' grew up around Pattyboy and he became Ireland's foremost mythological saint. Praise the little green lord! Did we mention that he singlehandedly chased all those devilish, fork tongued snakes out of Ireland? Well, ok, sure, there weren't actually any snakes in Ireland in the first place, but that little 'snake oil' fable also makes for good parades'.
'So, yeah, we don't want to seem 'overly' homophobic here, but we just can't take any chances with these ungodly, no doubt 'forked tongued' bisexuals inoculating our 'straight' citizens with their 'woman love woman, man love man' stuff, because right now we are pretty 'sure' that as of this very moment, every citizen of Ireland is as 'straight' as the race track at Darby Downs. Of course we, while safely tucked away in our foil lined, steamy closets, have nothing at all against those hot, fleshy, bisexual movies we all love to 'patty-wack, patty-wack' to.
'So, all together now, shout after me; 'Hell no, they can't go, hell no, they can't go! Really'.



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