Tuesday, March 24, 2020

Dear Kimmy, My Almost Lover

   
   My Dear Kimmy, my 'almost lover', I hope this missive finds you well fed and as happy as a bonified dictator of your esteemed caliber can be. You have always been, well, among others like yourself, the kind of 'benevolent' dictator that I look up to when charting my destructive path through the landscape of my own kingdom. To say that I've missed your melodious 'translated' voice would be a falsehood, and as the world well knows, 'falsehoods', is something I 'never' personally, entertain. But oh, how I miss those happy-go-lucky times we spent together, your paisley, sweaty, dough-boy hand encapsulated in my own manly, viral, 'presidential' hands. Remember how we openly expressed to the whole world our love, and admiration for one another? Only we two will ever understand our thoughts and dreams of conquest of the human soul. Ah, such fond memories of love lost.
Speaking of 'kingdoms', have you heard that I have proclaimed myself as the 'king' of my very own country? Yep! Nothing to it! So much to do, so many lives to ruin! Busy, busy. I thought, needlessly so, that at my coronation there would be an uproar, protestations and such, but, not a single whimper from my shell shocked serfs. Sometimes it's easier to get 'forgiveness' than 'permission'.
You and I are so much alike Kimmy-boy! That old adage, "Birds of a feather, flock together', was surely penned for us.
Speaking of 'us', that leads me to the reason of this "perfect" love letter. I wish to congratulate you, my corpulent, overfed, virtual lover, on your astounding success at keeping that 'Chinese flu' out of your wonderful country. Not a single case there! Incredible! Unbelievable! And yet, so 'true', as you so proclaim. I actually believe your every word! Really, I do! Good job Kimmy! The whole world looks up to you and wishes they could follow your incredible dictatorial leadership.
You've probably read "fake news" articles written by 'hoax masters' that this flu has reared its ugly head here in my kingdom. Do not believe anything you read or hear Kimmy! Listen to my voice only. Lies, all lies! My "enemies" are trying to overthrow my kingship by telling horrible lies about me! I can almost promise you that not a 'single' case of this 'ethnic flu' is present in my kingdom. Months, and months ago, when I 'first' heard about it, I immediately took draconian measures by such things as finishing my 'wall', and, well, you know, stuff like that, and other stuff, and things. Great things! Incredible stuff! Huge numbers! Millions of really wonderful things! My extradentary 'leadership' as 'Warrior-In-Chief' of my kingdom will be remembered for many eons, or whatever, to come. I have given myself a 150% score as to my 'leadership' abilities. No other 'king' could do what I've done to, err, that is, 'for' my little kingdom.
With that, I sadly must close for now. Parting is such sweet sorrow. In the meantime, keep setting the 'good example' of your benevolent, humanitarian, leadership, as I myself will continue to do. And stop blabbing about every time I send you a 'personal' letter, it's 'our' business only, ok? Call me at my private number, 555-555-5555, if you need anything. Remember, the whole world is watching.
Your unrequited lover, King for a day, Donnie-boy trump.'


Trump Writes to Kim Jong-un Offering Help in Virus Fight, North
www.nytimes.com › world › asia › coronavirus-north-korea-trump-kim
2 days ago - SEOUL, South Korea — President Trump has sent a letter to North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-un, expressing his willingness to help the North ...
www.nytimes.com › world › asia › coronavirus-north-korea-trump-kim
2 days ago - SEOUL, South Korea — President Trump has sent a letter to North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-un, expressing his willingness to help the North ...

No comments:

Post a Comment