Trump says 'your favorite President did nothing wrong'
‘I Can’t Believe Michael Would Do This With Me’. I mean, how could he do this 'to' me?? I thought he was my best pal! My best one! Remember that time he said he'd take a bullet for me? Was he just kidding about that? He seemed so sincere at the time. He even gave me an extra little hug when he whispered it in my ear just before he got up to go to work. Disgusting liar! Lawyers can never be trusted with secret illegal stuff! What a snake in the grass! He's worse than I am! He's trying to make me look bad, and that's my job! No one can do that better than I! Ratfink! Don't even Think of a 'pardon' finkboy!
But let me take a moment and opaquely clear this up once and for all, which will appease my wonderful common sense blind, and tunnel visioned 'base', especially any faithful Republicans that might be left still willing to jump, like the lemmings they surely are, off any cliff with me. Actually, I'd prefer they jump off ahead of me, which would give me a moment to reconsider my own foolish demise. So, here's the 'truth', as I see it from my own muddled thought process; I didn't, not to be confused with the word, 'did', do it. The obvious difference here is the two letters, 'n't' following the word 'did'. So again, I didn't do it. See the glaring difference? Which means that instead of 'doing' it, I simply didn't, do it. Right now we all know that I'm innocent until proven guilty. Luckily, as President I can't even be charged with a crime, so it follows that I can't, not to be confused with the word, 'can', be convicted when I can't even be charged in the first place. Isn't our Constitution a wonderful thing!? In other words, I'm untouchable, invinceable, and way above the 'laws of the land' that governs my common serfs. That's why I'm 'King' and they are not. Now, as to this alleged tape recording where I may or may not have conspired with my ex pal to make payments to some sleezy whore that supposedly I had been shaking up with while my faithful wifie was heavy with child, it's all "fake news". Just like anything else that looks like the truth, this will be proven to be an un-truth. Just listen to the tape, that is if there even is one, and you will quickly see that the voice that is alleged to be my own could be anyone else that simply 'sounds' like me. Probably Clinton or that immigrant Obama. Hey, I never even met that woman, so how could I have ever had a year long steamy sexual affair with her while my ever faithful pregnant wifie thought I was at work all those nights?? How? See? Impossible.
So there! Let this be a learning lesson to those few foolish people who would even begin to believe such a story as this. I have never, ever told a lie to my subjects, my faithful serfs, who believe every word that I have ever uttered. My 'Christian' faith has always guided my every action in life, and as we all know, I'd never do anything that would cast a dim light on myself, my faith, especially all my evangelical voters, my family, my kingdom, or my subjects. But hey, that's just me, that's who I am, and I'm sure that this explains this lie away, and that we can now move on to more inportant stuff, like for instance my invitation to my BFF-FWB Putin to come for a sleepover at my castle in the fall. I'm so excited, just a I know every American is as well! What a wonderful, peace loving guy! I can hardly wait to entrust him with some of America's best kept secrets. He promised to show me 'his', if I show him 'mine' first. What a joy he is!'
‘I Can’t Believe Michael Would Do This With Me’. I mean, how could he do this 'to' me?? I thought he was my best pal! My best one! Remember that time he said he'd take a bullet for me? Was he just kidding about that? He seemed so sincere at the time. He even gave me an extra little hug when he whispered it in my ear just before he got up to go to work. Disgusting liar! Lawyers can never be trusted with secret illegal stuff! What a snake in the grass! He's worse than I am! He's trying to make me look bad, and that's my job! No one can do that better than I! Ratfink! Don't even Think of a 'pardon' finkboy!
But let me take a moment and opaquely clear this up once and for all, which will appease my wonderful common sense blind, and tunnel visioned 'base', especially any faithful Republicans that might be left still willing to jump, like the lemmings they surely are, off any cliff with me. Actually, I'd prefer they jump off ahead of me, which would give me a moment to reconsider my own foolish demise. So, here's the 'truth', as I see it from my own muddled thought process; I didn't, not to be confused with the word, 'did', do it. The obvious difference here is the two letters, 'n't' following the word 'did'. So again, I didn't do it. See the glaring difference? Which means that instead of 'doing' it, I simply didn't, do it. Right now we all know that I'm innocent until proven guilty. Luckily, as President I can't even be charged with a crime, so it follows that I can't, not to be confused with the word, 'can', be convicted when I can't even be charged in the first place. Isn't our Constitution a wonderful thing!? In other words, I'm untouchable, invinceable, and way above the 'laws of the land' that governs my common serfs. That's why I'm 'King' and they are not. Now, as to this alleged tape recording where I may or may not have conspired with my ex pal to make payments to some sleezy whore that supposedly I had been shaking up with while my faithful wifie was heavy with child, it's all "fake news". Just like anything else that looks like the truth, this will be proven to be an un-truth. Just listen to the tape, that is if there even is one, and you will quickly see that the voice that is alleged to be my own could be anyone else that simply 'sounds' like me. Probably Clinton or that immigrant Obama. Hey, I never even met that woman, so how could I have ever had a year long steamy sexual affair with her while my ever faithful pregnant wifie thought I was at work all those nights?? How? See? Impossible.
So there! Let this be a learning lesson to those few foolish people who would even begin to believe such a story as this. I have never, ever told a lie to my subjects, my faithful serfs, who believe every word that I have ever uttered. My 'Christian' faith has always guided my every action in life, and as we all know, I'd never do anything that would cast a dim light on myself, my faith, especially all my evangelical voters, my family, my kingdom, or my subjects. But hey, that's just me, that's who I am, and I'm sure that this explains this lie away, and that we can now move on to more inportant stuff, like for instance my invitation to my BFF-FWB Putin to come for a sleepover at my castle in the fall. I'm so excited, just a I know every American is as well! What a wonderful, peace loving guy! I can hardly wait to entrust him with some of America's best kept secrets. He promised to show me 'his', if I show him 'mine' first. What a joy he is!'
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