'Not only that, but we have absolute 'proof', per Fox News, that America did not land men on the mOOn. Hoax, total hoax. Remember that silly 'Airplane into the Towers' thing a while back. Yeah, just another hoax by our government. Look folks, the only thing that's really 'real' here is my BFF Donald Trump. Great family guy, 'faithful' husband, deeply 'religious', wonderfully honest, 'never' tells a lie, law abiding children, and of course children-in-law, hottie wife, and a great employer. Just ask anyone he hasn't fired yet. I plan to make a small fortune as his personal attorney, however long or short that job may be. I'm the best mouth-piece he'll ever have. I'll make this Russia "witch hunt" go away so fast it'll be like it was never there. I'll make Mr. Mueller wish he had never been hired by Obama or whoever is responsible for him. Only a total idiot would have hired him. Did I mention that I'm a pretty smart guy. Probably smarter than Mr. Trump actually, because I passed a really hard 4th grade 'smart' test. Shhh..don't mention that to my friend, he's kinda sensitive about 'smarts' and such. Hey, wanna hear some more 'unbelievable' conspiracy theories? Well, all you have to do is continue to watch me as I give incredible interviews, just watch my ever fluttering lips, and listen closely to my words which will utterly astound you. Wow! I can't wait to have my very own Top Secret Security Clearance. And my very own WH office with my name in gold on the door! I'm one lucky guy! Pretty soon I'll have lots of stuff for a best selling book. Not that I would 'kiss and tell', you know, like those other people that have filtered through this administration. But I wont be like them. I'll be here forever and ever, even when his daughter is elected President. Well, I better go now and start reading up on the Constitution, I have a feeling it might come in hand for me.' 
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