Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Elon, Smarter Than Trump

'Hi there folks, I'm Elon, you might remember me as the guy that recently littered outer space with my electric car, you know, the one that will eventually contaminate someone elses world when it eventually crashes down somewhere out there. But why worry about little things like that. I've got bigger fish to fry. You see, I'm a pretty smart kinda guy. Trump, 'The Incompetent' took only one 2nd grade 'smart test', but I on the other hand, have passed three bigger ones! Three of'em! He's not so smart after all. But I'm a doozy! And guess why I was able to pass three 3rd grade 'smart tests'. Go on, guess. Oh you'll never get it. You're not nearly smart enough. Here, let me fill you full of intellectual stuff, you probably wont understand most of it because of your small, ignorant brains. I'll try to speak slowly, and down at your dusty level. I have stuffed my already super duper smart brain with chemicals of my own makings! Yep. That's what I did all right. I was already the smartest person alive, but you know what, that just wasn't good enough for the world. I knew I could get smarter than my own self. Now I'm smarter that I. I'm smarter than me. I'm smarter than me, myself, and I! How about that! Not many people can say that. Actually, no one.
It's like this. Forever I used coffee to keep me hyped up. With a brain big as mine I gotta keep it revved up like one of my rocket ships. Don't wanna miss a beat! “Yes, caffeine was my go-to during my career because it does help to promote mental alertness and can, therefore, increase my overall productivity, but the effects of caffeine are minuscule on the scale of cognitive enhancement substances. Our team has been able to increase TOTAL brain performance by 93.7%, that’s just something coffee cannot and will not do.” That's right folks. I have increased my brain function from a mere 100 percent to 193.7 percent and counting. Man! Sometimes I feel like it's gonna explode. There's so much going on in there! Did I mention how much $$$$ I invested in this miracle concoction? Only $93million. Whoaa! Did I get my monies worth or what!? If you think I'm a rich guy right now, just wait untill I pawn this 'Smart Pill' off on the American public! I'll have to build my own bank already! Hell, I might as well buy America! I practically own it already anyway. Man, is my brain 'efficient' or what! I was thinking about taking a little 'trip' up there and take my space car for a spin around some planets. Let's see now, I asked my employees to make a list the planets that I should travel to. They are really enthusiastic about this! Great folks! They all agreed, and said, 'go to 'uranus' first'! So that's where I'm gonna go first. They suggested that I take a flashlight with me because it's really dark there. Very thoughtfull. I might start paying them around eleven bucks an hour after this.
Well, I better start selling my 'Smart Pills' before the FDA gets wind of my little money making scheme. "This stuff is unexplainable - your brain literally feels energized". I'd try to explain how it works but what with your small brains you just wouldn't understand a thing I'd say. Then I'll pack my money for my trip, some extra 'smart pills', must remember to take the keys to my spiffy 'space car', it'd suck to get all the way up there and not be able to start it up. Busy, busy.'

 
The FDA is looking into Elon's findings after connecting untapped areas of the human mind which has begun altering the brain to process information at higher and more efficient levels.
↪️ https://goo.gl/8AZ2Jk
🔥 This stuff is unexplainable - your brain literally feels energized 💯
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