'Yeah, see, I didn't even want to make that "fake news" call in the first place. I didn't. I really didn't. Honest. Ya gotta believe me on this one! This time I'm not even lying like I usually do. Really.
Look, I was just sitting at my really big, very huge Oval Office desk, counting my toes, minding my own really important business, you know, doing stuff that a President usually does, when all of a sudden, in walks Energy Secretary Rick Perry asking me if I have any letters he could dictate for me. He's a great 'secretary'! Really knows how to file, makes copies of stuff, makes coffee for me, polishes my shoes and other 'things' that need polishing, things like that. You know, regular 'office' stuff. I don't know who hired that guy, but now, maybe I'm not so crazy about him. We'll see how it works out. I need someone with more 'energy' than he has. I don't know. We'll see.
Anyway, he up and suggested that I call one of his good friends in Ukraine because he heard that someone there has some really incriminating stuff on my good friends Joe and his wonderful son Hunter, who I admire with all my heart. Of course I was very concerned that someone there would try to use very bad secrets against my good friends Joe and Hunter, and I knew I was just the 'superman' kind of guy that could make it all disappear. Ricky said, 'Donnie, ya gotta make that call, just do it, we must protect your friends from being hurt politically if bad stuff about them hits the funny papers. No one will ever know about it, my lips are pretty much sealed'. Of course I instantly 'knew' that I should not call a foreign country in reference to anything political, such as campaign stuff, but Ricky kept pushing me, prodding me, even to the point of handing me the phone and dialing the number himself. What could I do at a moment like that? I mean, what?? The next thing I knew my BFF-FWB President Zel was on the line begging me at least 8 or 9 times to give me the dirt he had on my life long friends who I instinctively knew I should protect at all costs. It seemed that now, not only did Zel have the 'dirt', but he now wanted to give it to 'me', without me even asking for it, so that I could make my friends Joe and Hunter, look really, really, hugely bad so that American's would not vote for Joe, and would then throw their votes to me instead. No Zel, I said to my BFF-FWB, I cannot accept your devious offer of political dirt that could profoundly, and detrimentally, interfere with America's fair play of political gyrations, we all know, and love, as the 'Democratic' electoral process. I told him that I must forge on and beat my good friend, my opponent, fair and square in an election not rigged by outside influence. But you know, that's just me, that's the way I am. I'm one honest guy drowning in my own self made swamp of corruption and crime. It's up to me to drain my swamp.
I then slammed the phone down and ordered Ricky to scrub the coffee pot and drop off my 'pull-ups' in the White House diaper dumpster. Punishment meted!
So in short, I have no one to blame for this "fake news" phone call to Zel, my BFF-FWB, than my soon to be fired 'secretary' Ricky Perry, and if I ever find out who hired him in the first place, I'll fire that sorry s.o.b. as well!'
Look, I was just sitting at my really big, very huge Oval Office desk, counting my toes, minding my own really important business, you know, doing stuff that a President usually does, when all of a sudden, in walks Energy Secretary Rick Perry asking me if I have any letters he could dictate for me. He's a great 'secretary'! Really knows how to file, makes copies of stuff, makes coffee for me, polishes my shoes and other 'things' that need polishing, things like that. You know, regular 'office' stuff. I don't know who hired that guy, but now, maybe I'm not so crazy about him. We'll see how it works out. I need someone with more 'energy' than he has. I don't know. We'll see.
Anyway, he up and suggested that I call one of his good friends in Ukraine because he heard that someone there has some really incriminating stuff on my good friends Joe and his wonderful son Hunter, who I admire with all my heart. Of course I was very concerned that someone there would try to use very bad secrets against my good friends Joe and Hunter, and I knew I was just the 'superman' kind of guy that could make it all disappear. Ricky said, 'Donnie, ya gotta make that call, just do it, we must protect your friends from being hurt politically if bad stuff about them hits the funny papers. No one will ever know about it, my lips are pretty much sealed'. Of course I instantly 'knew' that I should not call a foreign country in reference to anything political, such as campaign stuff, but Ricky kept pushing me, prodding me, even to the point of handing me the phone and dialing the number himself. What could I do at a moment like that? I mean, what?? The next thing I knew my BFF-FWB President Zel was on the line begging me at least 8 or 9 times to give me the dirt he had on my life long friends who I instinctively knew I should protect at all costs. It seemed that now, not only did Zel have the 'dirt', but he now wanted to give it to 'me', without me even asking for it, so that I could make my friends Joe and Hunter, look really, really, hugely bad so that American's would not vote for Joe, and would then throw their votes to me instead. No Zel, I said to my BFF-FWB, I cannot accept your devious offer of political dirt that could profoundly, and detrimentally, interfere with America's fair play of political gyrations, we all know, and love, as the 'Democratic' electoral process. I told him that I must forge on and beat my good friend, my opponent, fair and square in an election not rigged by outside influence. But you know, that's just me, that's the way I am. I'm one honest guy drowning in my own self made swamp of corruption and crime. It's up to me to drain my swamp.
I then slammed the phone down and ordered Ricky to scrub the coffee pot and drop off my 'pull-ups' in the White House diaper dumpster. Punishment meted!
So in short, I have no one to blame for this "fake news" phone call to Zel, my BFF-FWB, than my soon to be fired 'secretary' Ricky Perry, and if I ever find out who hired him in the first place, I'll fire that sorry s.o.b. as well!'
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