'Tweeee! Tweeeet! Tweeeeeeet! Attention all hands, attention all hands, now hear this, now hear this! This is your Captain speaking to you from poolside at the Holiday Inn Express.
As you can probably see, your ship is not exactly cruising the ocean blue at the moment, but at least you can rest easy knowing that 'drydock' is the safest place you'll ever be stationed.
You may be wondering why your multi-billion dollar ship is not going anywhere fast, or even soon, and why you... have no lights, no running water, no air conditioning, no elevator service, no hot chow, you know, little stuff like that. Well, without divulging state secrets and getting my royal butt in a jam, I will tell you that we are experiencing a tiny, little bitty electrical issue which prevents us from casting off in order to sail the seas while doing the job our ship was designed for. But, not to worry, I have the situation well in hand. Sitting next to me is our Quartermaster, who tells me that new Sparkplugs have been ordered from our faithful suppliers in China, and they promise that as soon as our Commander-In-Chief's 'Trade War' is over, the much needed parts will be shipped 'ground express'.
In the meantime I must sit here by the phone, wishing you were here. Keep a tidy ship, a stiff upper lip, and stay out of my liquor closet. That is all. Back to your stations and rest easy.'
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As you can probably see, your ship is not exactly cruising the ocean blue at the moment, but at least you can rest easy knowing that 'drydock' is the safest place you'll ever be stationed.
You may be wondering why your multi-billion dollar ship is not going anywhere fast, or even soon, and why you... have no lights, no running water, no air conditioning, no elevator service, no hot chow, you know, little stuff like that. Well, without divulging state secrets and getting my royal butt in a jam, I will tell you that we are experiencing a tiny, little bitty electrical issue which prevents us from casting off in order to sail the seas while doing the job our ship was designed for. But, not to worry, I have the situation well in hand. Sitting next to me is our Quartermaster, who tells me that new Sparkplugs have been ordered from our faithful suppliers in China, and they promise that as soon as our Commander-In-Chief's 'Trade War' is over, the much needed parts will be shipped 'ground express'.
In the meantime I must sit here by the phone, wishing you were here. Keep a tidy ship, a stiff upper lip, and stay out of my liquor closet. That is all. Back to your stations and rest easy.'
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