'Who's On First, Who's In Charge?'
'Rinnng,Rinnng,Rinnnnng......'Hello, you have reached the voice mail of Rear Admiral Jim Kilby (JK) the Skipper of the USS Carl Vinson. Unfortunately, due to inept leadership, too many chiefs, and budget cuts, I'll be away from my 'desk' until further notice. If you need immediate assistance, hang up the phone and dial 911.'
Ah, 'James', this is your President (Pres) calling, you know, President Trump? You better pick that phone up before I learn to count to three, or you're gonna be in bigly trouble son! By the way, did you hear that I won the 'Electorial' vote by huge numbers? I'm the 'man'!
JK: Oh, hello Mr.President. Sorry about that answer machine thing. Your 'boss' President in Waiting Bannon instructed me to not answer any crank calls until further orders, so I was just sitting here watching 'Dynasty' on my 'big screen'. Great show! I bet you watch it all the time. So, Mr.President, what can I do for you today?
Pres: James, I was just now watching my 'news' source, Fox News, great people, very 'reliable', and there's this crazy conspiracy story going around about our 'missing fleet'. What's with that? Are we actually 'missing' some boats or something?
JK: Ah, just let me do a quick count...negatory Sir, Got'tem all right here. All present and accounted for!
Pres: Hmmm..you 'know', Fox News has 'never' steered me wrong James. Very 'trustworthy'! Always spot on with the "Alternative' truth. Not like those Other fake news places. There's gotta be some 'truth' to this story that has the whole world poking fun at America. Is it just 'Me', or is there more to this missing fleet thing? What am 'I' missing here James?
JK: Mr. President, I think I can answer most of your questions.
Pres: Ok, James, where are you?
JK: You mean 'right now'?
Pres: Yes James, right Now.
JK: I'm sorry Sir, that's classified information. Before I can devulge that sensitive info, you must have clearence to 'hear' that info, Sir.
Pres: James, this is your President! You can tell Me! No one has a higher 'clearence' than the President! Don't make me start 'counting'!
JK: Sorry Sir, I have my orders from your 'boss'.
Pres: My 'boss'!?? What 'boss'!? I don't have a boss! I Am my 'boss'! I just happen to 'own' America now, and everything in it! And you're In it James!
JK: Oh, sorry about that Mr. President. My 'orders' come straight from your 'boss', Mr.Bannon, The 'President in waiting'. You'll have to get the password from him. Then, get the Other password from your daughter, then the one from your son-in-law. As soon as you have those passwords, be sure to write them down with the 'Invisable Prsidential Ink' on edible paper, then get the phone number, from your 'boss', of my 'Red' phone. Then call my 'Red' phone, let it ring six times, then hang up and call back letting it ring three times, then call back and I'll pick up on the second ring. Can't be too careful what with the Ruskies monitoring your phones and all that.
Pres: Grrrr! I'll call you back.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring..Click!
Ring, ring, ring..Click!
Ring, ring...'Hello, you have reached the voice mail..Oh, hello, Mr.President?
Pres: Ok, James. They all had the same 'password', and the password is; 'Imanahole'.
James: Yes, Mr.President, I agree, that Is Your 'password'. Now what can I do for you?
Pres: Where Are you James?
JK: I am aboard my ship Sir.
Pres: No, James, where is your 'ship'. Your 'ship', the 'fleet', where is it right Now?
JK: Ohhhh...that. Well, I can see San Diago from here. So it looks like we are right here in California. Hang on a sec, and I'll check my maps, but,.... yep, that's where we are all right. Looks like we're not 'missing' afterall.
Pres: But why aren't you off the coast of our mortal enemy, North Korea? You know, that fat little dough-boy guy! You are supposed to be There intiminating that part of the world! Why are you in San Diago!?? Disgusting place! Horrible!
JK: Well Sir. It's sorta like this. Apparently, because of your 'carpet bombing' budget cuts all across America, our 'Missile', and 'bomb' contractors couldn't come through with the muntions necessary to carry out even a 'small' war. And, get this, some of the componants are made in China, well, they decided to do a 'work slowdown', which just added to our lack of bomby things. Then, the Coast Guard decided to conduct a 'safety' inspection of my carrier, they are P.O.'d about 'their' budget cuts by the way, and found that we don't have enough personal 'floatation' devices to go around, and because the manufacturer of those things is located in Mexico, they can't ship them across the border any more. So we're sorta 'landlocked' right now. Ever been to San Diago Sir? Great place! Your 'boss' said that he's checking with his 'friends' in Russia for the things we need to operate properaly with. So you see Sir, your 'Fleet' isn't exactly 'missing' afterall. It's simply 'missing' stuff, most of all, coherant direction, and a 'one voice' leadership. 'Click!' Mr.President..Mr. President? Are you still there? Hellooooo..Mr. President.....'.
;) ;)
'Rinnng,Rinnng,Rinnnnng......'Hello, you have reached the voice mail of Rear Admiral Jim Kilby (JK) the Skipper of the USS Carl Vinson. Unfortunately, due to inept leadership, too many chiefs, and budget cuts, I'll be away from my 'desk' until further notice. If you need immediate assistance, hang up the phone and dial 911.'
Ah, 'James', this is your President (Pres) calling, you know, President Trump? You better pick that phone up before I learn to count to three, or you're gonna be in bigly trouble son! By the way, did you hear that I won the 'Electorial' vote by huge numbers? I'm the 'man'!
JK: Oh, hello Mr.President. Sorry about that answer machine thing. Your 'boss' President in Waiting Bannon instructed me to not answer any crank calls until further orders, so I was just sitting here watching 'Dynasty' on my 'big screen'. Great show! I bet you watch it all the time. So, Mr.President, what can I do for you today?
Pres: James, I was just now watching my 'news' source, Fox News, great people, very 'reliable', and there's this crazy conspiracy story going around about our 'missing fleet'. What's with that? Are we actually 'missing' some boats or something?
JK: Ah, just let me do a quick count...negatory Sir, Got'tem all right here. All present and accounted for!
Pres: Hmmm..you 'know', Fox News has 'never' steered me wrong James. Very 'trustworthy'! Always spot on with the "Alternative' truth. Not like those Other fake news places. There's gotta be some 'truth' to this story that has the whole world poking fun at America. Is it just 'Me', or is there more to this missing fleet thing? What am 'I' missing here James?
JK: Mr. President, I think I can answer most of your questions.
Pres: Ok, James, where are you?
JK: You mean 'right now'?
Pres: Yes James, right Now.
JK: I'm sorry Sir, that's classified information. Before I can devulge that sensitive info, you must have clearence to 'hear' that info, Sir.
Pres: James, this is your President! You can tell Me! No one has a higher 'clearence' than the President! Don't make me start 'counting'!
JK: Sorry Sir, I have my orders from your 'boss'.
Pres: My 'boss'!?? What 'boss'!? I don't have a boss! I Am my 'boss'! I just happen to 'own' America now, and everything in it! And you're In it James!
JK: Oh, sorry about that Mr. President. My 'orders' come straight from your 'boss', Mr.Bannon, The 'President in waiting'. You'll have to get the password from him. Then, get the Other password from your daughter, then the one from your son-in-law. As soon as you have those passwords, be sure to write them down with the 'Invisable Prsidential Ink' on edible paper, then get the phone number, from your 'boss', of my 'Red' phone. Then call my 'Red' phone, let it ring six times, then hang up and call back letting it ring three times, then call back and I'll pick up on the second ring. Can't be too careful what with the Ruskies monitoring your phones and all that.
Pres: Grrrr! I'll call you back.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring..Click!
Ring, ring, ring..Click!
Ring, ring...'Hello, you have reached the voice mail..Oh, hello, Mr.President?
Pres: Ok, James. They all had the same 'password', and the password is; 'Imanahole'.
James: Yes, Mr.President, I agree, that Is Your 'password'. Now what can I do for you?
Pres: Where Are you James?
JK: I am aboard my ship Sir.
Pres: No, James, where is your 'ship'. Your 'ship', the 'fleet', where is it right Now?
JK: Ohhhh...that. Well, I can see San Diago from here. So it looks like we are right here in California. Hang on a sec, and I'll check my maps, but,.... yep, that's where we are all right. Looks like we're not 'missing' afterall.
Pres: But why aren't you off the coast of our mortal enemy, North Korea? You know, that fat little dough-boy guy! You are supposed to be There intiminating that part of the world! Why are you in San Diago!?? Disgusting place! Horrible!
JK: Well Sir. It's sorta like this. Apparently, because of your 'carpet bombing' budget cuts all across America, our 'Missile', and 'bomb' contractors couldn't come through with the muntions necessary to carry out even a 'small' war. And, get this, some of the componants are made in China, well, they decided to do a 'work slowdown', which just added to our lack of bomby things. Then, the Coast Guard decided to conduct a 'safety' inspection of my carrier, they are P.O.'d about 'their' budget cuts by the way, and found that we don't have enough personal 'floatation' devices to go around, and because the manufacturer of those things is located in Mexico, they can't ship them across the border any more. So we're sorta 'landlocked' right now. Ever been to San Diago Sir? Great place! Your 'boss' said that he's checking with his 'friends' in Russia for the things we need to operate properaly with. So you see Sir, your 'Fleet' isn't exactly 'missing' afterall. It's simply 'missing' stuff, most of all, coherant direction, and a 'one voice' leadership. 'Click!' Mr.President..Mr. President? Are you still there? Hellooooo..Mr. President.....'.
;) ;)
U.S. admiral says carrier strike group will provide a “visible maritime deterrence.”
washingtonpost.com|By Emily Rauhala
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