'Dear Vlad, still my special BFF-FWB,
Merry Christmas! I'm sorry I have not been able to even secretly communicate with you lately. Things, like my butt for instance, are pretty 'hot' around here what with that disgusting Mueller on the warpath 24/7. Please know that you are still, and always have been, my most favorite despot in the whole wide world. Nobody 'builds' nations the way you do. You just have that special knack for convincing even your enemies to love and respect you, something I get nothing of around here. I don't know 'why' Americans dislike me so! According to my own polls, I'm the best president they have ever been 'ruled' by. Great numbers! Incredible! Huge! Un-believeable!
I wish I could be 'King of America'. You once promised to show me how to get there, but now, try as I may, it looks hopeless. But, I'm as good a ' democratic dictator' as I can possibly be at this point in my astounding political career.
As it is, I control just about every aspect of my serfs lives. I have more power, and less accountability that any human in America. I can do, and especially 'say', anything, no matter how disgusting it may be, that I want to, and no one can stop me, and I never have to say that horrible phrase, 'I'm Sorry'. America's lame Constitution, which I view as simply a 'suggestion box', has so many holes in it that a blind elephant could jump through it! What a joke! It protects me from being arrested, can't be charged with an actual 'crime', I don't have to answer to anyone about anything I do or have ever done, and believe me I'm not done yet, I can control, and even destroy the Stock Market with a single 'Tweet', as well as any company or person I dislike, and no one even blinks an eye at it. I didn't even have to take a Psychological exam to get this job! Is that 'crazy' or is it just Me!? What a hoot! I don't need military, economic, finacial, or personal 'advisors', I 'know' more about everything than they can ever hope to know. I don't need Congress, except their votes which they dare not withhold, in fact, I don't need, or even want, anyone to help me ruin, errr, run this country, I can do it by myself. All I need is, Me, Myself, and I. I'm my own government, a one man traveling show. Everyone, even my minions, are totally afraid to buck me, and just look the other way at my incredible, mental aberrations. I 'own' the Supreme Court', they all owe me big time payback. I 'control' the media outlets such as 'Fox', and all the others soon. Hmmm..I guess I'm a pretty good 'bad' 'dictator' after all.
Well, anyway, what I wanted to tell you is, Merry Christmas. My present to you this year is one I know you'll really love. I'm giving you the whole Middle East just to show you how much I miss you! Yep, that's right, you heard me correctly Vlad! All of it, just like we 'talked' about a long time ago. I'm pulling our troops out of there! Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, any place that is covered in sand is now your own private 'playground'. Disgusting people, who needs them anyway!? Not America! Our job is done there anyway. I've singlehandidly, totally 'destroyed' ISIS and the Taliban, I hear they have incorporated as a 'Boy Scout' troop. Lesson learned chumps, don't mess with America! Pretty soon, at your private insistance, I'll be giving up and pulling out in places like Japan, Okinawa, South Korea, and your special place, the Ukrainian Peninsula. Such whinners! I'm convinced that the best policy for America is 'Isolationism'. I'm gonna build a virtual, and physical 'wall' all around The United States. Nobody comes in, no one goes out. My own little dysfunctional, just like my self, country.
Well, Vlad, I must be 'off', things to mess up, lives to ruin, gotta re-build this broken nation and mold it into my own wonderful image. Happy New Year Pal!'
Merry Christmas! I'm sorry I have not been able to even secretly communicate with you lately. Things, like my butt for instance, are pretty 'hot' around here what with that disgusting Mueller on the warpath 24/7. Please know that you are still, and always have been, my most favorite despot in the whole wide world. Nobody 'builds' nations the way you do. You just have that special knack for convincing even your enemies to love and respect you, something I get nothing of around here. I don't know 'why' Americans dislike me so! According to my own polls, I'm the best president they have ever been 'ruled' by. Great numbers! Incredible! Huge! Un-believeable!
I wish I could be 'King of America'. You once promised to show me how to get there, but now, try as I may, it looks hopeless. But, I'm as good a ' democratic dictator' as I can possibly be at this point in my astounding political career.
As it is, I control just about every aspect of my serfs lives. I have more power, and less accountability that any human in America. I can do, and especially 'say', anything, no matter how disgusting it may be, that I want to, and no one can stop me, and I never have to say that horrible phrase, 'I'm Sorry'. America's lame Constitution, which I view as simply a 'suggestion box', has so many holes in it that a blind elephant could jump through it! What a joke! It protects me from being arrested, can't be charged with an actual 'crime', I don't have to answer to anyone about anything I do or have ever done, and believe me I'm not done yet, I can control, and even destroy the Stock Market with a single 'Tweet', as well as any company or person I dislike, and no one even blinks an eye at it. I didn't even have to take a Psychological exam to get this job! Is that 'crazy' or is it just Me!? What a hoot! I don't need military, economic, finacial, or personal 'advisors', I 'know' more about everything than they can ever hope to know. I don't need Congress, except their votes which they dare not withhold, in fact, I don't need, or even want, anyone to help me ruin, errr, run this country, I can do it by myself. All I need is, Me, Myself, and I. I'm my own government, a one man traveling show. Everyone, even my minions, are totally afraid to buck me, and just look the other way at my incredible, mental aberrations. I 'own' the Supreme Court', they all owe me big time payback. I 'control' the media outlets such as 'Fox', and all the others soon. Hmmm..I guess I'm a pretty good 'bad' 'dictator' after all.
Well, anyway, what I wanted to tell you is, Merry Christmas. My present to you this year is one I know you'll really love. I'm giving you the whole Middle East just to show you how much I miss you! Yep, that's right, you heard me correctly Vlad! All of it, just like we 'talked' about a long time ago. I'm pulling our troops out of there! Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, any place that is covered in sand is now your own private 'playground'. Disgusting people, who needs them anyway!? Not America! Our job is done there anyway. I've singlehandidly, totally 'destroyed' ISIS and the Taliban, I hear they have incorporated as a 'Boy Scout' troop. Lesson learned chumps, don't mess with America! Pretty soon, at your private insistance, I'll be giving up and pulling out in places like Japan, Okinawa, South Korea, and your special place, the Ukrainian Peninsula. Such whinners! I'm convinced that the best policy for America is 'Isolationism'. I'm gonna build a virtual, and physical 'wall' all around The United States. Nobody comes in, no one goes out. My own little dysfunctional, just like my self, country.
Well, Vlad, I must be 'off', things to mess up, lives to ruin, gotta re-build this broken nation and mold it into my own wonderful image. Happy New Year Pal!'
No comments:
Post a Comment