' Yep, I've turned over a whole new 'leaf'. I'm not the same ol' cowboy, cow poop kickin' guy I used to be, you know, back 'then' when I used to lie a lot about a lot of stuff. I'm a changed man, a new breed, a 'new' politician, and boy are ya'll gonna love me to pieces! Now, don't write this down or misquote me later on down the road, but remember when I use to be called little "Lyin Ted"? Well folks, I have sworn off "Lyin" for the forseeable future, however long that might or might not be. Gotta keep the 'Ted' part though. I have joined the 'Liars Anonymous' club, and just recently graduated top of my class after a grueling two whole days of exorcisym. The lyin devil has been cast right out of my body, and I am a new man. Don't have even a single lie left in me anywhere. Gone! Clean bill! Empty. Honest.
"This was also a breakthrough year in which my presidential sobriquet went from 'Lyin’ Ted' to 'Beautiful Ted,' gotta say, that new pet name felt like it really hit the mark. Why else do you think I’m growing a beard?" "Anyway, silly nicknames can be hard to shed," "Just ask my distinguished colleagues: Little Marco, Pocahontas and Spartacus." In any event, I’m sure I’ve shaken off my 2016 nickname for good, along with any hard feelings that might have lingered from my clash with Donald Trump". He and I are best of buds now, even FWB's. I have groveled on hands and knees at his throne, which might land me a cushy position in his cabinet...or closet, whichever comes first. But let me assure you, my fellow Texans, and any other simple minded fans who tend to believe most anything a politician tells you, I vow to practically, never, ever, or at least, hardly ever, tell another lie, unless it's aboslutly necessary, as long as I'm a politician. I will always 'try' to be truthful whenever I can. And if I've Ever told the truth about Anything, I promise that I'm just about telling it now.'
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"This was also a breakthrough year in which my presidential sobriquet went from 'Lyin’ Ted' to 'Beautiful Ted,' gotta say, that new pet name felt like it really hit the mark. Why else do you think I’m growing a beard?" "Anyway, silly nicknames can be hard to shed," "Just ask my distinguished colleagues: Little Marco, Pocahontas and Spartacus." In any event, I’m sure I’ve shaken off my 2016 nickname for good, along with any hard feelings that might have lingered from my clash with Donald Trump". He and I are best of buds now, even FWB's. I have groveled on hands and knees at his throne, which might land me a cushy position in his cabinet...or closet, whichever comes first. But let me assure you, my fellow Texans, and any other simple minded fans who tend to believe most anything a politician tells you, I vow to practically, never, ever, or at least, hardly ever, tell another lie, unless it's aboslutly necessary, as long as I'm a politician. I will always 'try' to be truthful whenever I can. And if I've Ever told the truth about Anything, I promise that I'm just about telling it now.'
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