'My fellow Americans, I guess after careful consideration, and deep emotional reflection, it's about time that I as your 'esteemed', and learned Presidente', break my silence over this unfortunate, liberal coated, unmitigated cancellation of my BFF's incredibly popular, hit TV show, "Roseanne". Roseanne, call me on my private 'shoe phone', you know the number dear. Call me, we'll 'massage' one another's limpid 'ego's', if you now what I mean. I'm here for you sweetheart, I've got your back, you know, just like I do for every one else I've ever 'known'. You're still my favorite 'funny girl', it doesn't matter that time has not been kind to your face, and of course the rest of you ain't so hot anymore either. Do you miss young guys like myself, hitting on you all the time hoping you'll tell a funny racist joke? Sad. So sad.
But hey, enough about 'you', how am I doing? What about 'me'? Would someone please pay attention to me!? My numbers, unlike yours, Rosey, are through the roof! Unbelievable! Amazing! My Ratings, (remember when you had some?), so high that no one can believe! "Bob Iger of ABC called Valerie Jarrett to let her know that 'ABC does not tolerate comments like those' made by Roseanne Barr. Gee, he never called President Donald J. Trump to apologize for the HORRIBLE statements made and said about me on ABC. Maybe I just didn't get the call?" Don't I count Bob? Hey Bob, don't bother calling me now, I'm off on another tangent now. Old news. Boring. Roseanne, take a page from my racist play book, keep plugging away at any ethnic group or disabled person that comes into your crosshairs, and just let'em have it! After a while, no one will even pay attention to anything you say, racist, or not. It's called 'dumbing, and numbing down' America. Now folks say, 'oh, it's just Donald trump, that's just the way he is, no biggie'. See? Works like crazy!
So, my fellow Americans, that's about all you'll hear from me about that. Rosey, calllll meeeeee.'
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But hey, enough about 'you', how am I doing? What about 'me'? Would someone please pay attention to me!? My numbers, unlike yours, Rosey, are through the roof! Unbelievable! Amazing! My Ratings, (remember when you had some?), so high that no one can believe! "Bob Iger of ABC called Valerie Jarrett to let her know that 'ABC does not tolerate comments like those' made by Roseanne Barr. Gee, he never called President Donald J. Trump to apologize for the HORRIBLE statements made and said about me on ABC. Maybe I just didn't get the call?" Don't I count Bob? Hey Bob, don't bother calling me now, I'm off on another tangent now. Old news. Boring. Roseanne, take a page from my racist play book, keep plugging away at any ethnic group or disabled person that comes into your crosshairs, and just let'em have it! After a while, no one will even pay attention to anything you say, racist, or not. It's called 'dumbing, and numbing down' America. Now folks say, 'oh, it's just Donald trump, that's just the way he is, no biggie'. See? Works like crazy!
So, my fellow Americans, that's about all you'll hear from me about that. Rosey, calllll meeeeee.'
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