Oh holy Pope crap! Did I say that? Was that me, Rudy, 'The Masterful Mouthpiece', who mumbled those words that sounded like something I knew what I was talking about, that now turns out to be pure hogwash!? Me, the new guy on the block, already making "You're fired" mistakes? Are you sure it wasn't someone who simply 'looks' like me? Stormy who? Oh yeah,'her'! Ha, ha! That Stormy. Right. That one. Well, now that I've had a moment to reflect on my new guy sins, it seems that I 'may' have blurted some things that may or may not be true in its entirety, either wholly or partially, a little here or a little there. So what I'd like to do is spin the bottle...er..put a new spin, that is, on what I may or may not have said that could very well spell my political doom as we know it. Just so you know, I have personally fired the staffer that gave me the possibly incorrect, or not, information about whatever it was that I was "quoted" about.
So, here's the real, as I know it, at this moment, and as told to me by my new 'boss', story about this 'Stormy' mess that has now ensnarled even my unsuspecting self. The president does not admit that he 'knows' about whatever money that was allegedly paid to a professional hollywood film star model named Stormy Daniels, or whoever she is. He only recently found out about this mess while watching his 'News To Go To' station Fox News. Up until then he, as usual, as he is with all things, was completely in the dark, out of touch, clueless, and of course it goes without saying, totally guiltless. If he gave any money at all, and I'm not admitting, nor is he, that he even gave any money of any amount, more or less, to Mr. Cohen, 'the traitor' to hush up Miss Lose Lips Daniels in order to keep her from telling the 'truth' as she may or may not know it, about her alleged sexual, if there was any sex at all, not that my client is incapable of such sexual acts, just ask any of his ex-mistresses, liaison with my new boss, Mr. Trump, 'The Virtuous One'. My client, again if he gave any allegded money at all to his former Attorney the traitor, it would have simply been in order to catch up with his 'over due' past attorney fees. I think it's call 'cleaning up the books', if it's called anything at all. But hey, what successful businessman doen't do that? And of course we all 'know' that it's no crime to honor ones outstanding attorney fees.
So you see how easily this 'taken out of context' attorney/client transaction is explained away? Totally 'innocent' transaction. case closed. No need to look any further than this innocent payement of debts owed. And so, that pretty much settles this non-issue once and for all. And I'm fairly certain, well, as certain as I can be at the moment, that I've got my "facts straight", more or less, and that my job here is as just as 'secure' as anyone else's in the White House has ever been, more or less, sorta, kinda, maybe.'
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So, here's the real, as I know it, at this moment, and as told to me by my new 'boss', story about this 'Stormy' mess that has now ensnarled even my unsuspecting self. The president does not admit that he 'knows' about whatever money that was allegedly paid to a professional hollywood film star model named Stormy Daniels, or whoever she is. He only recently found out about this mess while watching his 'News To Go To' station Fox News. Up until then he, as usual, as he is with all things, was completely in the dark, out of touch, clueless, and of course it goes without saying, totally guiltless. If he gave any money at all, and I'm not admitting, nor is he, that he even gave any money of any amount, more or less, to Mr. Cohen, 'the traitor' to hush up Miss Lose Lips Daniels in order to keep her from telling the 'truth' as she may or may not know it, about her alleged sexual, if there was any sex at all, not that my client is incapable of such sexual acts, just ask any of his ex-mistresses, liaison with my new boss, Mr. Trump, 'The Virtuous One'. My client, again if he gave any allegded money at all to his former Attorney the traitor, it would have simply been in order to catch up with his 'over due' past attorney fees. I think it's call 'cleaning up the books', if it's called anything at all. But hey, what successful businessman doen't do that? And of course we all 'know' that it's no crime to honor ones outstanding attorney fees.
So you see how easily this 'taken out of context' attorney/client transaction is explained away? Totally 'innocent' transaction. case closed. No need to look any further than this innocent payement of debts owed. And so, that pretty much settles this non-issue once and for all. And I'm fairly certain, well, as certain as I can be at the moment, that I've got my "facts straight", more or less, and that my job here is as just as 'secure' as anyone else's in the White House has ever been, more or less, sorta, kinda, maybe.'
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