Buddy's Satirical Ramblings: Outragious, 'Outrage'

'I am So outraged. I am. I really am. I could just spit! Sometimes I just clinch my teeth, and ball up my little fists, you know, the way you'd do, like if you were a school yard bully, or actually, a Washington DC bully for that matter, and were gonna smack someone right on top of their democratic head. Disgusting democrats. Sometimes I can't even comb my golden locks when I'm outraged, and someone has to do it for me. A lot of things outrage me. Stuff like when I can't thin...k of a really good lie to spread around. Now that one really gets me riled up. That one makes me jump up and down. Oh, and see how I'm gripping the hell out of that rail as I'm pretending to board that crappy Air Force One airplane? That's outrage. I wish I could have my own personal airplane back. I miss it a whole lot. Gold toilets in it. Really cool stuff. I'm outraged that they wont let me play in my own plane. Hey, it belongs to Me. I should be able to if I want to. That disgusting, lying, Mueller gets me going. I'm talking about serious outrage here. Really. That guy, and his criminal FBI pals, are picking on me like there's no tomorrow. Can't trust a Fed! Who invented those guys anyway? Big mistake! I get so outraged when I think about them. Now all I gotta do is convince my 'base' that these sorry Feds are colluding against me with lies, and sneaky spies planting bugs in my bed, and stuff like that. My base loves me no matter what I do or say. Ain't America a great place to be a quasi dictator!? Why don't they like me? Everyone else 'does'. My BFF Vlad loves me to pieces. I should show you my tat! Oh, and that little fat guy, 'Missile Man', in North Korea loves me too, he just wont admit it. I'm gonna make him very wealthy. Incredibly rich!
Did I mention that I'm a nice guy? I'm not 'half' the racist people accuse me of being. I'm honest to a fault. I always tell the 'truth', as I know it, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, all the time, so help my Republican god in heaven. But hey, that's just me, that's the way I am, it's in my blood to be an up-front kinda guy. That's why everyone loves to love me. Wow! I'm really outraged about a lot of stuff! Really, I'm not lying this time, and that's the 'truth' as I know it. I'm the greatest President I've ever known! Great numbers! Hillary, eat your heart out winch! Now you know why I'm President, and you're not.'