Another conspiracy buff, buffing the dust off his stifled, addled brain. 'I can't remember why I spent a small fortune on an arsenal of firearms that could stop a whole platoon of Marines and their Abrams Tanks, and Hellfire Missiles, and their Bazookas, even though really, I can only shoot one of my beautiful steel girlfriends at a time. Yeah, when you come for me you better know how to extract me from my 'bug-out' cave, I got enough food to last a week or more, by then you'll be so tired, and mostly dead from my expert shooting, actually, mostly through the walls of my cave because I'll be so buttoned up I won't actually be able to see you, but you'll have to pry my cold steel girlfriends out of my cold dead hands'. By the way Greg, or whatever your real name is, that's exactly the way it will happen. You are just a 'dead man walking' looking for someplace to fall over. Silly 'tough' guy. Wait, did you hear that Greg? Sounds like someone in the woods sneaking up on you. Who was that 'hang up' phone call? The FBI checking to see where you are? Was that car following you? Why does that van slow down as it passes your property? Oh dear, what to do? Quickly as a bunny now, you should run to your cave, lock the door, eat the key, and wait them out no matter how long it takes, days, weeks, months, even years maybe. Don't worry, you wont be missed, no one has even noticed you up till now anyway. But you can do it Greg. Man up little guy, just do everyone a favor and settle back and wait'em out. Really. Not kidding this time Greg. This is the 'real' one! Yikes! They're coming to get your 'girlfriends'. Bye, bye now.
CC: NRA - National Rifle Association of America
BILLINGS, MO—Finding himself increasingly uncertain as to the purpose of his substantial cache of military-grade firearms, Billings resident Greg Carnes…
local.theonion.com
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