'Ask Buddy', Installment Number 12
Just when you 'think' you'll never hear from someone again....
Hey Buddy!...
Remember me? It's 'me', your new 'BFF' in Point Barrow, Alaska. Remember? Sure you do Buddy! I wrote to you a while back because I need a friend and you said you'd be my BFF. Remember? Yep, that's me! You gave me your private phone number, 123-456-7899 and you said I could call you anytime. Well, I called that number about forty times, and every time, a recorded message said, "I'm sorry but your number cannot be reached as dialed". I must have wrote it down wrong when you gave it to me. Right? Anyway, I'll just keep trying. You probably wondered, and was worried about me, and why you haven't heard from me.
Here's a family photo of me, my mom, and my daddy sitting on our couch. That's daddy on the left, my mom on the right, and that's me in the middle. I turned 60 last week. The mail up here in Alaska is kinda slow but I bet your card will be here any day now.
We don't have a 'mall' up here so I couldn't go there and talk to people. Can you think of any other place that people might be at? My Daddy say's that 'funerals' are good places to meet people, but I don't know any dead people, do you? So, looks like you're it Bud! It's just you and me! BFF's forever! Write soon!
Still 'Friendless' in Point Barrow, Alaska
Just when you 'think' you'll never hear from someone again....
Hey Buddy!...
Remember me? It's 'me', your new 'BFF' in Point Barrow, Alaska. Remember? Sure you do Buddy! I wrote to you a while back because I need a friend and you said you'd be my BFF. Remember? Yep, that's me! You gave me your private phone number, 123-456-7899 and you said I could call you anytime. Well, I called that number about forty times, and every time, a recorded message said, "I'm sorry but your number cannot be reached as dialed". I must have wrote it down wrong when you gave it to me. Right? Anyway, I'll just keep trying. You probably wondered, and was worried about me, and why you haven't heard from me.
Here's a family photo of me, my mom, and my daddy sitting on our couch. That's daddy on the left, my mom on the right, and that's me in the middle. I turned 60 last week. The mail up here in Alaska is kinda slow but I bet your card will be here any day now.
We don't have a 'mall' up here so I couldn't go there and talk to people. Can you think of any other place that people might be at? My Daddy say's that 'funerals' are good places to meet people, but I don't know any dead people, do you? So, looks like you're it Bud! It's just you and me! BFF's forever! Write soon!
Still 'Friendless' in Point Barrow, Alaska
Dear 'Friendless',
Yeah, actually, I thought I'd 'never' hear from you again. What 'luck'! And about that phone number, I had clean forgotten that I had changed it to a 'new' number a few months prior to your first letter. Crazy me! Some guy kept bugging the hell out of me! Anyway, here's my new number. Remember don't share it with anyone, 998-765-4321. Remember to use our 'secret code'!
'Thanks' for the family photo. What's the weight limit on that couch!? Have you guys ever been outside? I think I see one of your 'problems' there.
Sadly, it appears that your house may be 'constipated'. It has become so 'full' of you and your very 'large' family it is about to burst at the seams. It's straining to 'relieve' itself of you but the doorways have become much, much, to small for you to 'pass' through, and so it has become 'backed-up', thus 'constipated' with you.
Sitting on the couch 24/7, eating chips and soda's all day will not end well for you. You may be 'visiting' a funeral sooner than you think.
New 'suggestion', put the phone down and stop ordering 'take outs'. Ditch the chips and soda's. Try eating 'real' food for a change. Start exercising, starting with your toes. To start, get off the couch at least once a day. Look outside once in a while. Get out of your 'jammies'. Take a shower.
And no, I do not know any "dead" people.
Well, I must go now my other phone is ringing off the hook, lots of other 'needy' people wanting to, 'Ask Buddy' a question or two.
Good luck!
Yeah, actually, I thought I'd 'never' hear from you again. What 'luck'! And about that phone number, I had clean forgotten that I had changed it to a 'new' number a few months prior to your first letter. Crazy me! Some guy kept bugging the hell out of me! Anyway, here's my new number. Remember don't share it with anyone, 998-765-4321. Remember to use our 'secret code'!
'Thanks' for the family photo. What's the weight limit on that couch!? Have you guys ever been outside? I think I see one of your 'problems' there.
Sadly, it appears that your house may be 'constipated'. It has become so 'full' of you and your very 'large' family it is about to burst at the seams. It's straining to 'relieve' itself of you but the doorways have become much, much, to small for you to 'pass' through, and so it has become 'backed-up', thus 'constipated' with you.
Sitting on the couch 24/7, eating chips and soda's all day will not end well for you. You may be 'visiting' a funeral sooner than you think.
New 'suggestion', put the phone down and stop ordering 'take outs'. Ditch the chips and soda's. Try eating 'real' food for a change. Start exercising, starting with your toes. To start, get off the couch at least once a day. Look outside once in a while. Get out of your 'jammies'. Take a shower.
And no, I do not know any "dead" people.
Well, I must go now my other phone is ringing off the hook, lots of other 'needy' people wanting to, 'Ask Buddy' a question or two.
Good luck!
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