'They had no idea! Nobody told them how "corrupt" and "rat infested" their city was. Big secret! Who does that!? Why do I have to come along and open their eyes to the "filth" they live in? But hey, that's my job, that's just me making "America great again", one "disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess" at a time. That's why everyone voted for me to be their voice in America. Why can't Baltimore, where ever that is, be more like the town my castle is in, you know, Washington DC. No rats or corruption in My little "swamp" town!
Not only am I 'helping' Baltimore but, “I think I’m helping myself because I’m pointing out the corruption in Baltimore,” “The White House and myself have received more phone calls from the people of Baltimore and other cities thanking me.” Oh look, here's one from a Mr.Ura Rattsas, a long time resident of Baltimore, he says; Your Royal Highness, I can't thank you enough for what you have done to my once again "great" city by telling us what we should have know all along. You are welcome to come and eat at my world renowned deli, 'The Rattsaburger Deli' anytime you are passing through, you'll love my 'special' burger!''. What a nice letter! Great guy. I hope he can vote. Love to try one of his famous 'burgers'. And here's one from a little old black lady, I can tell from the writing, 'Dear Mr. Presidente', we'd rather have rats than you as our..' Opps! Wrong letter. But really folks, honestly, we've received thousands and thousands, maybe millions by my own count, letters, phone calls, texts, voice mails, carrier pigeon, graffiti, you name it and we got it, from people just like you who agree with me. Really. Especially all the Black folks who can vote, love it when I open their eyes to stuff. And things. People of particular colors love me when I do things that affect their miserable lives. But that's just Me. That's what I do. That's my job. No president has ever done some of the things I've done. But look, this isn't about Me is it? No, it's about "rats" and "corruption", and "infested" stuff, and "rodents" that have taken over a whole city. And now that I have brought it to the attention of the whole world, my job is done. Really.'
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Not only am I 'helping' Baltimore but, “I think I’m helping myself because I’m pointing out the corruption in Baltimore,” “The White House and myself have received more phone calls from the people of Baltimore and other cities thanking me.” Oh look, here's one from a Mr.Ura Rattsas, a long time resident of Baltimore, he says; Your Royal Highness, I can't thank you enough for what you have done to my once again "great" city by telling us what we should have know all along. You are welcome to come and eat at my world renowned deli, 'The Rattsaburger Deli' anytime you are passing through, you'll love my 'special' burger!''. What a nice letter! Great guy. I hope he can vote. Love to try one of his famous 'burgers'. And here's one from a little old black lady, I can tell from the writing, 'Dear Mr. Presidente', we'd rather have rats than you as our..' Opps! Wrong letter. But really folks, honestly, we've received thousands and thousands, maybe millions by my own count, letters, phone calls, texts, voice mails, carrier pigeon, graffiti, you name it and we got it, from people just like you who agree with me. Really. Especially all the Black folks who can vote, love it when I open their eyes to stuff. And things. People of particular colors love me when I do things that affect their miserable lives. But that's just Me. That's what I do. That's my job. No president has ever done some of the things I've done. But look, this isn't about Me is it? No, it's about "rats" and "corruption", and "infested" stuff, and "rodents" that have taken over a whole city. And now that I have brought it to the attention of the whole world, my job is done. Really.'
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