'Dear Mr. Sweden,
you may have heard of me and my incredible 'fame', as I'm sure my business acuity, if not my 'presidential' abilities, no doubt precedes me. As the esteemed, and very popular President of America, where every single one of my subjects love and respect me, and as 'leader' of the free World, not to mention a bully of the highest degree, I come to you with a plea on my lips, and a prayer in my ultra 'religious' heart.
It has come to my attention by some very, .very, influential, not to mention very hot female TV stars, which I would "grab" in a heartbeat if only I could, that a dear family friend of mine by the name of Rakim Mayers, famously known as 'Asap Rocky', is being held in your prison due to some innocent, and I'm sure, forgivable (hint, hint) alleged criminal act which had it occurred here in my own kingdom would have resulted in a mere slap on his wealthy wrist. I just love that melodious 'flip-flop' music, or something like that, that he 'yaps' about. You have probably seen Mr. Rocky, and as such have no doubt 'noticed' that he is a different color than most of your own subjects. As 'everyone' knows, I love people of all colors, and Mr. Rocky represents a lot of people of color who can, and will no doubt vote for me if only I can somehow intercede on his behalf. So, my hottie wife, the First Lady, well, she's not actually my 'first' lady, if you know what I mean, but for the record certainly is the 'current' one at the moment, wants to adopt this young man who has been a lifelong family friend, as has his whole wonderful family. As you are no doubt aware, I am a multi-millionaire of incredible wealth and worldly influence. Lots of money! Tons of it! You should see my personal 'castle' in Washington, DC that my loving subjects built just for me! And then there's my spatial estate and personal golf course in Palm Beach. Oh, I could go on, and on, wowing you with my wealth and fame. But, that's just Incredible me! But this isn't about 'me', is it? No, hardly at all. It's about my future adopted son 'Asap'. So, Mr. Sweden, I would like to post my future son's bail, no matter the amount, so that he can come back to America and his new home here with my family who will love him just like we love all people of his particular color. Please call me on my personal 'business' phone at 555-555-5555 right away so that we can arrange the banking details that will suit 'your' needs for the transfer of $$$$$ to facilitate the speedy release of my little harmless 'boy'. Personally yours, His Majesty, President Trump, 'The Negotiator'.'
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you may have heard of me and my incredible 'fame', as I'm sure my business acuity, if not my 'presidential' abilities, no doubt precedes me. As the esteemed, and very popular President of America, where every single one of my subjects love and respect me, and as 'leader' of the free World, not to mention a bully of the highest degree, I come to you with a plea on my lips, and a prayer in my ultra 'religious' heart.
It has come to my attention by some very, .very, influential, not to mention very hot female TV stars, which I would "grab" in a heartbeat if only I could, that a dear family friend of mine by the name of Rakim Mayers, famously known as 'Asap Rocky', is being held in your prison due to some innocent, and I'm sure, forgivable (hint, hint) alleged criminal act which had it occurred here in my own kingdom would have resulted in a mere slap on his wealthy wrist. I just love that melodious 'flip-flop' music, or something like that, that he 'yaps' about. You have probably seen Mr. Rocky, and as such have no doubt 'noticed' that he is a different color than most of your own subjects. As 'everyone' knows, I love people of all colors, and Mr. Rocky represents a lot of people of color who can, and will no doubt vote for me if only I can somehow intercede on his behalf. So, my hottie wife, the First Lady, well, she's not actually my 'first' lady, if you know what I mean, but for the record certainly is the 'current' one at the moment, wants to adopt this young man who has been a lifelong family friend, as has his whole wonderful family. As you are no doubt aware, I am a multi-millionaire of incredible wealth and worldly influence. Lots of money! Tons of it! You should see my personal 'castle' in Washington, DC that my loving subjects built just for me! And then there's my spatial estate and personal golf course in Palm Beach. Oh, I could go on, and on, wowing you with my wealth and fame. But, that's just Incredible me! But this isn't about 'me', is it? No, hardly at all. It's about my future adopted son 'Asap'. So, Mr. Sweden, I would like to post my future son's bail, no matter the amount, so that he can come back to America and his new home here with my family who will love him just like we love all people of his particular color. Please call me on my personal 'business' phone at 555-555-5555 right away so that we can arrange the banking details that will suit 'your' needs for the transfer of $$$$$ to facilitate the speedy release of my little harmless 'boy'. Personally yours, His Majesty, President Trump, 'The Negotiator'.'
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