'By shaking my 'Presidential' hand, you do solemnly swear that you will always bow to my statuesque eminence, that you will happily lick my presidential shoes when ever I need you to place barbed wire at my 'wall', that you can be assured to be 'Presidentially' "Pardoned" if you Murder a defenseless human being while conducting one of my 'wars', that you shall pray to no other 'god' but me, that whenever I order you to 'pull the trigger' you will not hesitate no matter the 'target', that you will always refuse to serve on any ship named after that disgusting senator whose name shall not foul my 'truthful' lips, and that when you vote for me, as your handshake vows you shall do, I'll let you shake my manly hand again. Now, 'take a knee' and bow before your master, kiss the soles of my presidential shoes, and remember, from this day forward to never again worship false golden idols as I am the only 'true' golden haired idol you will ever need, so sayeth your one and only 'god'.' 
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