Attention! 'NewsFlash' Attention!
Coming straight to you from 'BBSN' (BuddyBlacksSatiricalNews) Where you will always find the 'straight Scoop' on WhatEver.
Well, by now even if the only news you get is when your Border Collie reads the news to you while you humor him with gobbs of 'GoodBoy,GoodBoy', you would know that Hassan Rouhani, (HR) President of Iran, You Know, that Tourist Friendly Vacation hotspot of the world, actually vacationed in Italy, the land of the GodFathers. Now That was a pretty long and laborious sentence, one your English Teacher would advise Against, so catch your breath while we fill you in on the particulars of Irans own GodFathers vacation.
Our globe trotting 'Reporter' BuddyBlack (BB) somehow managed to get wind of this little sojourn and sensing a hot 'scoop' of 'news', not to be confused with those little 'presents' your doggie leaves for you on the sidewalk, jetted off into the wild blue yonder. While safely snuggled into the luggage hold, BB was quick to take pen to paper to document every step of his 'fact' finding mission. Tune your radios for clear reception, grab a hotty totty and lets all become a better 'informed' populace while BB thrills us with his report.
BB: One of my overworked, and underpaid (if at All) snitches dropped a bombshell of a 'news' story on my busy desk. I shooed the chickens out of the way and could barely comprehend the magnitude of what I was reading. It struck me that the phrase 'It's a shrinking world out there' counts only when you're tucked in the nose of a Titan Missile as it hurtles at breakneck speed towards the far side of the Galaxy. But here I was sitting behind my cardboard box desk while seven thousand miles away on the Other side of the World, exciting 'news' was about to break. I had to go there. And fast! With my close connection to the 'higher-ups' in the Airlines Industry I was able to score a spot on a Clipper Jet to Italy. Until Now I never realized just how Small the unheated luggage compartments actually Are! My goal was to corner HR, and get his take on what it's like to be a dictator of a dustbowl. Upon arrival, and after thawing out in a tanning salon, I met with a confidential source who claimed to have close ties to HR. It appeared that HR's little 'trip' was More than just a 'vacation', and more of a suck-up visit to the Italian Government in order to score some lucrative business deals, and of course the Italians would be rolling in big bucks from a country of human rights violations extraordinaire. Unfortunatly, I arrived on the very day of HR's visit, and sadly I was unable to get a one on one with his Excellency, which was just as well because I assumed that as well as speaking Farsi, he would also know the Italian language. But Not! To prepare for that event I became fluent in the Italian lingo while traveling in the luggage hold. 'Buonigiorno a tutti!' 'Una sola lingua non e mai abbastanza.' Had I known, I would have learned Farsi as well, But it was not to be. But oh, what I Did discover while there! It seems that HR had told the Italians that there were certain conditions they would have to Meet if they wanted his 'business'. They were as follows; All businesses in Rome, where he was to visit, that operate Sex Shops must be closed during his visit. All Women must wear the Burka, no skin can be seen, all women must be accompained by a male relative when outdoors, all pigs must be taken from the city, no men can have a prettier Beard than he himself, no one can show signs of being Happy, no Music can be played, no Movies can be viewed, and all citizens of Rome must convert from Cathalic to Muslim. And of course the Italian Government couldn't sign fast enough such was their greed for blood money from a ruthless regime. Two days prior to HR's visit he shipped in squads of Female Burka Enforcement goons, yes, they are All Females, who of course were dressed in the traditional Burkas complete with an AK-47 and camel Whips. They freely roamed the streets of Rome metting out punishment as prescribed, to those women who were caught without their Burkas or who showed even the slightest of head hair or body skin. It appears that more than a Few unfortunates were either whipped, shot or beheaded where they were 'caught'. Someone who claimed to be a 'spokesperson' for HR, but who later was determined to simply be a Writer of Satirical Ramblings, told the Italian Government that HR would be gravely offended were he to see Any Naked Statues, in the form of Men Or Women, as he considers the naked body to be a 'sin', never mind that it is 'rumored' that he has a harem of one thousand who All are Naked under all their clothing, and that all businesses that sell Alcoholic beverage must be closed. Hearing This brought a shiver to the Italians, What, No Wine!? But not wanting to offend such an honored guest they ordered that all statues in Rome, especially those in the world famous Museum of Rome where HR hinted that he might tour, be covered up or destroyed. So off they went, hammer and saws in hand feverishly building wooden box's around all of Romes Naked Statues, they even covered Animal statues that showed their 'private parts'. The Italian authorities warned Everyone to clean up their Speech and to Not use words like, Testical, Breast, Sex, and all slang words that are sometimes used in stead of. To enforce this warning they said that Violators would be Deported, and Exiled for life to Southern Italy. This would be akin to an American being threatened to be exiled to South Carolina in the States. Not to be under done with all These conditions, the Italian went one step, or maybe two or more, further, in order to make his greatness HR feel at home during his, And Their own, suck-up visit. They ordered three thousand Camels and Donkeys to be shipped to Rome. All motor vehicles were banned from the street and these animals were turned loose to roam the street at will. All building were draped with sand colored cloth to resemble..., well, Sanddunes. Apparenty, the Italian Government is so hard up for money that they were willing to prostitute themselves and their country for a handfull of dirty oil money. Strange bedbug bedfellows indeed. In the end, as HR was mounting his favorite camel, to Ride it of course, to head back to his Own desert he was heard to remark to one of his aides; 'These stupid Italians are strange indeed. They have no Artistic imagination at all. They build Wooden Boxes but Carve Nothing at all, their Street are filthy and knee deep in camal dung, all these Animals running around Loose! This place is just one big Dirt bowl, I couldn't even get a decent Martini here!'
And then all he left was a trail of dust as he rode off into the sunset, wondering, Who Are these people? And the Italians stood there eating HR's dust, wondering, Yes, just Who the Hell Are we? :/ :/
And so ended my sojourn back in time, still dissapointed that I could not corner this elusive camal driver, but happy to return home. What was 'learned' here? Did the Italian government prostitute themselves and their country in order to favor their supposed new BFF at the expense of their self esteem? Time will tell. Is HR up to new tricks now that sanctions have been lifted? Time will tell.
But you can Bet that BuddyBlack will keep nose to the grindstone, and when 'news' breaks you'll be the first, or somewhere in line, to know the 'facts', as we 'know' them to be.
And so ends yet another exciting and revealing 'news'cast brought to you by our daring and dashing 'Reporter' of the moment, and BBSN station! Tune in again boys and girls. Where there's 'news', There, we shall Be. ;) ;)
Coming straight to you from 'BBSN' (BuddyBlacksSatiricalNews) Where you will always find the 'straight Scoop' on WhatEver.
Well, by now even if the only news you get is when your Border Collie reads the news to you while you humor him with gobbs of 'GoodBoy,GoodBoy', you would know that Hassan Rouhani, (HR) President of Iran, You Know, that Tourist Friendly Vacation hotspot of the world, actually vacationed in Italy, the land of the GodFathers. Now That was a pretty long and laborious sentence, one your English Teacher would advise Against, so catch your breath while we fill you in on the particulars of Irans own GodFathers vacation.
Our globe trotting 'Reporter' BuddyBlack (BB) somehow managed to get wind of this little sojourn and sensing a hot 'scoop' of 'news', not to be confused with those little 'presents' your doggie leaves for you on the sidewalk, jetted off into the wild blue yonder. While safely snuggled into the luggage hold, BB was quick to take pen to paper to document every step of his 'fact' finding mission. Tune your radios for clear reception, grab a hotty totty and lets all become a better 'informed' populace while BB thrills us with his report.
BB: One of my overworked, and underpaid (if at All) snitches dropped a bombshell of a 'news' story on my busy desk. I shooed the chickens out of the way and could barely comprehend the magnitude of what I was reading. It struck me that the phrase 'It's a shrinking world out there' counts only when you're tucked in the nose of a Titan Missile as it hurtles at breakneck speed towards the far side of the Galaxy. But here I was sitting behind my cardboard box desk while seven thousand miles away on the Other side of the World, exciting 'news' was about to break. I had to go there. And fast! With my close connection to the 'higher-ups' in the Airlines Industry I was able to score a spot on a Clipper Jet to Italy. Until Now I never realized just how Small the unheated luggage compartments actually Are! My goal was to corner HR, and get his take on what it's like to be a dictator of a dustbowl. Upon arrival, and after thawing out in a tanning salon, I met with a confidential source who claimed to have close ties to HR. It appeared that HR's little 'trip' was More than just a 'vacation', and more of a suck-up visit to the Italian Government in order to score some lucrative business deals, and of course the Italians would be rolling in big bucks from a country of human rights violations extraordinaire. Unfortunatly, I arrived on the very day of HR's visit, and sadly I was unable to get a one on one with his Excellency, which was just as well because I assumed that as well as speaking Farsi, he would also know the Italian language. But Not! To prepare for that event I became fluent in the Italian lingo while traveling in the luggage hold. 'Buonigiorno a tutti!' 'Una sola lingua non e mai abbastanza.' Had I known, I would have learned Farsi as well, But it was not to be. But oh, what I Did discover while there! It seems that HR had told the Italians that there were certain conditions they would have to Meet if they wanted his 'business'. They were as follows; All businesses in Rome, where he was to visit, that operate Sex Shops must be closed during his visit. All Women must wear the Burka, no skin can be seen, all women must be accompained by a male relative when outdoors, all pigs must be taken from the city, no men can have a prettier Beard than he himself, no one can show signs of being Happy, no Music can be played, no Movies can be viewed, and all citizens of Rome must convert from Cathalic to Muslim. And of course the Italian Government couldn't sign fast enough such was their greed for blood money from a ruthless regime. Two days prior to HR's visit he shipped in squads of Female Burka Enforcement goons, yes, they are All Females, who of course were dressed in the traditional Burkas complete with an AK-47 and camel Whips. They freely roamed the streets of Rome metting out punishment as prescribed, to those women who were caught without their Burkas or who showed even the slightest of head hair or body skin. It appears that more than a Few unfortunates were either whipped, shot or beheaded where they were 'caught'. Someone who claimed to be a 'spokesperson' for HR, but who later was determined to simply be a Writer of Satirical Ramblings, told the Italian Government that HR would be gravely offended were he to see Any Naked Statues, in the form of Men Or Women, as he considers the naked body to be a 'sin', never mind that it is 'rumored' that he has a harem of one thousand who All are Naked under all their clothing, and that all businesses that sell Alcoholic beverage must be closed. Hearing This brought a shiver to the Italians, What, No Wine!? But not wanting to offend such an honored guest they ordered that all statues in Rome, especially those in the world famous Museum of Rome where HR hinted that he might tour, be covered up or destroyed. So off they went, hammer and saws in hand feverishly building wooden box's around all of Romes Naked Statues, they even covered Animal statues that showed their 'private parts'. The Italian authorities warned Everyone to clean up their Speech and to Not use words like, Testical, Breast, Sex, and all slang words that are sometimes used in stead of. To enforce this warning they said that Violators would be Deported, and Exiled for life to Southern Italy. This would be akin to an American being threatened to be exiled to South Carolina in the States. Not to be under done with all These conditions, the Italian went one step, or maybe two or more, further, in order to make his greatness HR feel at home during his, And Their own, suck-up visit. They ordered three thousand Camels and Donkeys to be shipped to Rome. All motor vehicles were banned from the street and these animals were turned loose to roam the street at will. All building were draped with sand colored cloth to resemble..., well, Sanddunes. Apparenty, the Italian Government is so hard up for money that they were willing to prostitute themselves and their country for a handfull of dirty oil money. Strange bedbug bedfellows indeed. In the end, as HR was mounting his favorite camel, to Ride it of course, to head back to his Own desert he was heard to remark to one of his aides; 'These stupid Italians are strange indeed. They have no Artistic imagination at all. They build Wooden Boxes but Carve Nothing at all, their Street are filthy and knee deep in camal dung, all these Animals running around Loose! This place is just one big Dirt bowl, I couldn't even get a decent Martini here!'
And then all he left was a trail of dust as he rode off into the sunset, wondering, Who Are these people? And the Italians stood there eating HR's dust, wondering, Yes, just Who the Hell Are we? :/ :/
And so ended my sojourn back in time, still dissapointed that I could not corner this elusive camal driver, but happy to return home. What was 'learned' here? Did the Italian government prostitute themselves and their country in order to favor their supposed new BFF at the expense of their self esteem? Time will tell. Is HR up to new tricks now that sanctions have been lifted? Time will tell.
But you can Bet that BuddyBlack will keep nose to the grindstone, and when 'news' breaks you'll be the first, or somewhere in line, to know the 'facts', as we 'know' them to be.
And so ends yet another exciting and revealing 'news'cast brought to you by our daring and dashing 'Reporter' of the moment, and BBSN station! Tune in again boys and girls. Where there's 'news', There, we shall Be. ;) ;)
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