Rinng,Rinnnng,Rinnnnnng,Rinnnnnnnnnnng,Rinnnnnnnnnnnnng
ME: Hello, this is Russell..who Is This?
TM: Oh, Real 'funny' Russ! You 'Know' who this Is!
ME: Hi TM, how's things up your way? Hey look, I Knew it was You, I was just kidding around.
TM: Russ, you're Not all that funny, of course if 'looks' count you'd have'em rolling in the isles. What were you doing when I called, seems like it took you a lonnnng time to answer, and you sounded a bit out of breath.
ME: Oh, aaaah, ah..I was on the treadmill, yeah that's it, gotta watch my weight you know, not getting any Younger! My wives don't seem to be as attentive as they used to be so I gotta keep buffed or the next guy in line getts'em, you know the 'rule' on That one.TM: Yeah, I hear what you're saying, but it worries me when all of a sudden you're off my 'radar' screen..and it seems to occur in just one section of your house...odd, wouldn't you say?
ME: Well, probably just a bad connection...what can I do for you TM, I'm all ears.
TM: Look, I think we need a policy that prohibits these full of sin 'homos' from marrying each other, And one that prohibits them from existing in the first place. I mean, hey, we already have our Women under 'control', barefoot, in the kitchen, and popping babies out like skittle factories, so Now we gotta work on these queers so that they don't try and become Mormons. Once One moves in, there goes the 'neighborhood' so to speak.
ME: Hey, I'm With You on This one TM. Lucky for us that we don't have Any of those abominations in our flock. Everyone that I know, and believe Me, I 'know' a lot of people, is as 'straight' as a highway in Utah. Don't know one 'homo'! Not one, not a single one, in fact This is the first time I've ever even 'thought' of one TM.
TM: Ok, ok, stop it already. Methinks you protest a bit too greatly there. Anyway, Here's what I'm thinking, I want You to put out an Official Order, and you can tell everyone that I called you and that you are acting on My 'orders', that from now on, no queers, but don't use That word though, use 'homo' instead, will be allowed to be a Mormon, and if they already Are a Mormon, which between you and Me ain't likely, then they either go 'straight' or they hit the road along with their whole family and relatives. They All must suffer for the 'sins' of their fathers! If they have any Mormon tattos it's gotta come Off, and I mean OFF! Also, I read something about these homos hiding their queerism in their 'closets'. Have you seen any of That around there?
ME: Oh good grief no TM! Not around here anyway. Pretty sure it doesn't happen in these parts. I mean, how crazy would That be! In their Closet!? Wow!
TM: Well, I think we need to get ahead of this, cut it off at the pass sorta. I want to you to order everyone who has a Closet in their homes to get rid of it. Just take it right out! They can hang their clothes on their walls, or the back of their chairs for all I care, but there's no place for a closet in a Mormons home, no sense in placing temptation in the path of the Godly, we have enough problems as it is. And tell everyone to remove the Doors off all the rooms in their houses as well.
ME: But...but..get rid of my, I mean, Our closets, And all our Doors?
TM: Ah, do I detect a bit of hesitation in your quivering voice? You must set an example by removing your Own 'closets', you Do have a Closet don't you? So, lets start by setting an example for All Mormons to follow, and clean up your Own house first and get that Closet outta there, and maybe have a 'closet coming out' party. So, lets get moving on this, remember, My Will Be Done ;)
ME: Got it TM, 'great' idea, everyone's gonna be Real happy, Me Too..happy, happy..' :/ :/
A top official in the Mormon church said Sunday that God himself told the president of the church to label gays as “apostates” and bar their children from being baptized.
The 15-million-member Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints unveiled its horrific new anti-gay policy in November in response to the legalization of same-sex marriage, prompting thousands of people to leave the faith in protest.
Russell M. Nelson, who heads the church’s “Quorum of the Twelve Apostles” and is second in line to be president, explained how the policy came about on Sunday during an address to millennial members worldwide. Nelson said Mormon President Thomas S. Monson, who’s considered a prophet, met repeatedly with the church’s other top 14 leaders at the temple in Salt Lake City to pray, fast and study on the issue.
“Filled with compassion for all and especially for the children, we wrestled at length to understand the Lord’s will in this matter, ever mindful of God’s plan of salvation and of his hope for eternal life for each of his children,” Nelson said. “We considered countless permutations and combinations of possible scenarios that could arise. We met repeatedly in the temple in fasting and prayer and sought further direction and inspiration, and then when the Lord inspired his prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, to declare the mind of the Lord and the will of the Lord, each of us during that sacred moment felt a spiritual confirmation. It was our privilege as apostles to sustain what had been revealed to President Monson. Revelation from the Lord to his servants is a sacred process.”
Under the new policy, people in same-sex marriages are considered “apostates” against whom leaders of the church must enforce discipline. Until now, the term “apostates” was “reserved primarily for people who practice polygamy, teach inaccurate doctrine or publicly defy guidance to church leaders,” according to the Associated Press. The policy also bars children of people in same-sex marriages from baptism and church membership until they’re 18 and disavow same-sex cohabitation and marriage.
Watch Nelson explain how the policy came about shortly after the 1:29:00 mark in the video below.
[h/t: Salt Lake Tribune]
WATCH: Mormon Leader Says Compassion, God’s Will Inspired Church’s Horrific Anti-Gay Policy
A top official in the Mormon church said Sunday that God himself told the president of the church to label gays as “apostates” and bar their children from being baptized.
The 15-million-member Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints unveiled its horrific new anti-gay policy in November in response to the legalization of same-sex marriage, prompting thousands of people to leave the faith in protest.
Russell M. Nelson, who heads the church’s “Quorum of the Twelve Apostles” and is second in line to be president, explained how the policy came about on Sunday during an address to millennial members worldwide. Nelson said Mormon President Thomas S. Monson, who’s considered a prophet, met repeatedly with the church’s other top 14 leaders at the temple in Salt Lake City to pray, fast and study on the issue.
“Filled with compassion for all and especially for the children, we wrestled at length to understand the Lord’s will in this matter, ever mindful of God’s plan of salvation and of his hope for eternal life for each of his children,” Nelson said. “We considered countless permutations and combinations of possible scenarios that could arise. We met repeatedly in the temple in fasting and prayer and sought further direction and inspiration, and then when the Lord inspired his prophet, President Thomas S. Monson, to declare the mind of the Lord and the will of the Lord, each of us during that sacred moment felt a spiritual confirmation. It was our privilege as apostles to sustain what had been revealed to President Monson. Revelation from the Lord to his servants is a sacred process.”
Under the new policy, people in same-sex marriages are considered “apostates” against whom leaders of the church must enforce discipline. Until now, the term “apostates” was “reserved primarily for people who practice polygamy, teach inaccurate doctrine or publicly defy guidance to church leaders,” according to the Associated Press. The policy also bars children of people in same-sex marriages from baptism and church membership until they’re 18 and disavow same-sex cohabitation and marriage.
Watch Nelson explain how the policy came about shortly after the 1:29:00 mark in the video below.
[h/t: Salt Lake Tribune]
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