'Incredible 'News' coming to you from our Indefatigable 'News' Station BBSN (BuddyBlacksSatiricalNews)
As you may have heard, South Carolina State Rep. Mike Pitts (R) has introduced a Bill in that State that would require any News Reporters working in that State to Register with the State before they would be allowed to file news reports. There would also be certain Fines or other punishment if the 'law' was violated.
Well, wouldn't you know it, our everready, chaffing at the bit, eagerbeaver 'reporter' BuddyBlack (BB) has tracked Mr.Pitts (MP) the Lawmaker down, corralled him, and has managed to pick Mr.Pitts' infinitesimal brain to get to the bottom of this incredible act of idiocy. Now lets all be real quiet, and gather 'round while we listen in on this 'interview'.
BB: First, I would like to thank you for agreeing to this 'interview'. You Do realize that I'm a 'Reporter' don't you?
MP: What!? I thought you were my Tailer!
BB: Yes. well, of course, I guess I Am here to 'size' you up in a fashion. You don't mind if I ask you a few questions while we're at it do you?
MP: Whatever! Make it quick though, my pants are too tight, and I've got some hot laws cooking on my 'stove'.
BB: In 2010, you introduced a Bill that would require South Carolina to stop recognizing U.S.Currency as Legal Tender, and require the state to use Gold and Silver coins as currency instead. What Were you 'thinking'?
MP: Well, I don't recognize this U.S Currency! South Carolina needs its Own legal Tender.
BB: Hmmm...have you Ever walked around with Twenty Dollars worth of Silver Dollar Coins in your Pocket, and what would you do with all the U.S. Currency that you have in your savings, checking, and retirement accounts if your state has its Own Currency?
MP: Stupid question, I would convert it over to my States Currency then.
BB: Annnnd Yet, you don't 'recognize' U.S. Currency, but you Value it Enough to cash it in for South Carolina's Currency? Why Wouldn't you simply throw it all in a big pile and just Burn all that worthless Legal Tender that you don't recognize instead?
MP: Well, my Bill didn't pass muster but I'll try again when they're not looking.
BB: Do you 'think' that the Civil War is still being fought?
MP: Well, in a 'way', yes. They already attacked my southern heritage Rebel Flag!
BB: Yes, I remember That, and shortly before that you had fought to keep that flag flying on the State Capital Building when everyone Else in your state wanted it taken down. Did losing that fight bother you?
MP: About like having a foot chopped off would!
BB: Are you a big defender of the U.S.Constitution?
MP: If you're talking about the Constitution of South Carolina, you Bet I AM!
BB: Actually I mean the United States of America's Constitution. Do you believe in the 'freedom of the Press'?
MP: Depends on what your definition of 'freedom' is.
BB: Well, I, not unlike 300 Million other Americans, just sorta recognize The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition for That one. Do you have a 'special' definition for it of your own?
MP: (pulling on his earlobe..rubbing hands together..no verbal response).
BB: You proposed , 'A bill to amend the code of laws of South Carolina, 1976, by adding chapter 85 to title 40 to enact the “South Carolina Responsible Journalism Registry Law” so as to establish requirements for persons before working as a journalist for a media outlet and for media outlets before hiring a journalist; to require the establishment and operation of a responsible journalism registry by the South Carolina Secretary of State’s office; to authorize registry fees; to establish fines and criminal penalties for violation of the chapter; and for other purposes'. Ahhh...You were doing That just to be 'funny,right?
MP: Nope, I mean Every single word of it! We gotta get a handle on these rogue 'reporters' that run around reporting stupid stuff about our states governmental officials. Those rascals are alway prying into our business, trying to make us look bad.
BB: Do you Really believe that it takes a Reporter to Make you look bad?
MP: Look, they all tell lies, and sneak around hiding stuff, they bribe people to tell them secrets that are nobody's business, they are always breaking laws and not getting caught at it, and when they Do get caught they plead the 5th Amendment to keep out of jail! They are all a bunch of worthless Criminals with tape recorders!
BB: Well, in That case, it looks like they have All the qualifications to be a Politician. What are you 'afraid' of? Do you suffer from 'Reporphobia'?
MP: What??
BB: You have also proposed a bill where any Journalist working in the State of South Carolina would have to 'Register with the State' before they could work as a reporter in that state, And They would have to under go background checks Are you modeling your Bill after such 'laws' in some Other Countries, such as North Korea, Russia, Cuba, a bunch of those Arab countries, and...well, I think you get my point there?
MP: Absolutely Not! I thought these Bills up by myself! I have my Own brain, I don't need help from Anyplace!
BB: But wouldn't a 'Law' like this be Unconstitutional? I mean, after all, this Is America, Land of the 'free' where 'Freedom of The Press' just happens to be one of Our Rights. Wouldn't this be like the 'Government' controlling the Press, Who can Be a Journalist, and what they are allowed to 'report'?
MP: I just want to make sure that these rogue 'reporters' don't have criminal backgrounds and can be trusted to just report the 'truth'.
BB: Then would you also control the Newspapers that Print the 'news' that you have already edited, or more likely redacted?
MP: It's the Only way to make them report the 'truth'.
BB: Have you thought about just having your state seceed from the Union, and become your Own little fiefdom, you know, your Own County with You as it's dictator?
MP: Hey, what do you think I am!?
BB: Hmmm...I think we have already established That one.
MP: Are you a mind reader or something? Are you gonna fix my Pants or What?
BB: :/ :/ :/
And so ends Another sojourn into the dark recesses of the unknown, the dark abyss of the 'mind' of the mindless, where Nothing is a surprise, and yet where 'surprises' are expected, and not a Little sleep inducing. Join us in the future when our intrepid 'reporter' will no doubt again travel down uncharted paths that leads to who knows Where. ;)
South Carolina Republican Who Defended Confederate Flag Proposes Mandatory Criminal Background Checks for Journalists
You may remember State Rep. Mike Pitts of South Carolina from his defeated efforts to keep the Confederate flag flying at the South Carolina State House last year. The intense media scrutiny of those efforts seem to have inspired a fairly cowardly response: According to the text of a bill he verbally introduced at the State House in Columbia today, Pitts wants to establish a government-run “responsible journalism registry” to screen, approve, and credential reporters and journalists in the Palmetto State—or else. The text of the bill’s summary reads (bolding ours):
The actual text of the bill, which was published on Tuesday evening, goes on to propose mandatory criminal background checks for working journalists, and details the sorts of infractions that would cause a journalist’s license to practice in South Carolina to be revoked:A bill to amend the code of laws of South Carolina, 1976, by adding chapter 85 to title 40 to enact the “South Carolina Responsible Journalism Registry Law” so as to establish requirements for persons before working as a journalist for a media outlet and for media outlets before hiring a journalist; to require the establishment and operation of a responsible journalism registry by the South Carolina Secretary of State’s office; to authorize registry fees; to establish fines and criminal penalties for violation of the chapter; and for other purposes.
(A) A person is not competent to be a journalist if:And here are Pitts’ proposed financial and criminal penalties:
(1) within the three years before submitting an application for registration, the person has been determined by a court of law to have committed:
(a) libel, slander, or invasion of privacy; or
(b) a felony if the underlying offense was committed to collect, write, or distribute news or other current information for a media outlet; or
(2) as a journalist, the person has demonstrated a reckless disregard of the basic codes and canons of professional journalism associations, including a disregard of truth, accuracy, objectivity, impartiality, fairness, and public accountability, as applicable to the acquisition of newsworthy information and its subsequent dissemination to the public.
(A) A person who works as a journalist without registering pursuant to Section 40-85-30(B):The proposed legislation is almost certainly unconstitutional. Any government plan to levy “fines and criminal penalties” against reporters or journalists whose work does not meet the government’s standard of “responsible journalism” would almost certainly be overturned on First Amendment grounds. The Supreme Court has repeatedly invalidated government attempts to limit and/or sanction speech, under the principle that “prior restraint” on any form of expression can only be sought after every other legal remedy has been exhausted. In a unanimous decision published in 1976, the Court argued that “prior restraints on speech and publication are the most serious and the least tolerable infringement on First Amendment rights.”
(1) for a first offense, must be fined not more than twenty-five dollars;
(2) for a second offense, is guilty of a misdemeanor and must be fined not more than one hundred dollars or imprisoned not more than fifteen days, or both; and
(3) for a third or subsequent offense, is guilty of a misdemeanor and must be fined not more than five hundred dollars or imprisoned not more than thirty days, or both.
Pitts’ proposed legislation is doubly alarming considering that, in other circumstances, he has invoked the U.S. Constitution to defend other proposals. In 2010, for example, he attempted to revert South Carolina to the gold standard, based upon his interpretation of the Constitution’s commerce clause. He has also tried to expand access to firearms on Second Amendment grounds. After introducing a bill that would let state residents obtain a hidden-carry permit without taking a gun safety course, he told one reporter, “My proposal would free a law-abiding South Carolinian from the requirement of having to take a course to exercise his Second Amendment rights to carry a concealed weapon on his person.”
Pitts did not respond to repeated requests for comment sent on Tuesday afternoon. We’ll update this post if we hear back.
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