Thursday, January 7, 2016

'NEWS' ALERT! NEWS ALERT! BREAKING NEWS!

ATTENTION! ATTENTION!
'NEWS' ALERT! NEWS ALERT!
BREAKING NEWS!
THIS JUST IN!    Brought to you by BUDDYBLACKSSATIRICALNEWS(BBSN)STATION.


Our Stations intrepid, roaming 'reporter' BuddyBlack(BB), has no doubt through much wile and gile, and not a Little trickery, pulled off an exclusive one on one interview with Commander in Chief, as he enjoys being called, Ammon Bundy,(AB) self proclaimed 'leader' of the Oregon 'militia' that is holding hostage, the Wildlife Preserve in that unfortunate State. The following may Not be suitable for tender eyes and ears, but if you insist upon continuing then lets all pull our chairs closer to to the screen, and listen in as BB goes where other 'reporters' fear to tread, and asks questions that Other 'reporters' fear to breech..lets listen in now...
BB: Mr.Bundy, is 'Ted Bundy' of that famous TV show, your Real father?
AB: I don't think so, probably not.
BB: You say you are the 'leader' of this little group of gun slinging anti-Government misfits that hails itsself as the Oregon Militia. Does the State of Oregon recognize your group as its 'Militia' instead of its National Guard?
AB: Well, not yet, but they soon Will, we're much better than their illegal 'National Guard'. I mean, hey, look around you! They can't even do This!
BB: During emergencies such as Floods, Tornadoes, Snowstorms, Riots, and such, does the Governer call your 'militia' out to help save citizens?
AB: Not that I remember, but we are always on standby and at the ready just in case.
BB: How many rescue helicopters, boats, deepwater trucks, do you have?
AB: Well, I haven't taken an inventory lately, but I've got some dump trucks.
BB: Do you consider your little group to be a 'Well regulated Militia' as defined under our Constitution?
AB: We don't recognice that document.
BB: But you seem to 'quote' it a lot, How about if you actually Saw it?
AB: (silence, figiting, looking around..more silence)
BB: I notice there's a particular lack of 'people of colour' in your 'militia'. What if a Black man wanted to join your group, or maybe an Indian?
AB: Fat chance of That!
BB: Do you have and biases or phobias you'd like to share with us?
AB: (silence,profuse sweating, clinching of teeth, kicking snowballs, more sweating)
BB: Do you recognize the Government of The United States?
AB: It's illegal, and has no authority over me. I answer to Gods 'law' only. This 'government' as you call it, is wicked, vile, a host of thieves that has stolen our heritage lands, which We are taking back to give to the People. They have Never done Anything good for Anyone!
BB: Has the Government ever given You anything, or done anything For you?
AB: All the federals have done is steal our land, and made us poor in the process!
BB: So, exactly to whom does this land that you have occupied belong to?
AB: Well, it belonged to we the People until the federals stole it from us. Now, we can't burn it, clear-log it, strip mine it, overgraze it, or even make our own personal junk yards on it, we can't even Sell it! What's with That!? It's Our land, and we should be able to do whatever we Want to on our Own land! They stole it from Us, and we're just 'stealing' it back. I think of myself as a Robin Hood, I take from the rich, and give to the poor.
BB: Wow, you really went On there. Hmmm...speaking of 'stealing' land, didn't this land actually Belong to the Native Americans first, and Then the Europeans came and Stole it from Them?
AB: Well, they actually didn't 'Steal' it, they bought it from them at a fair market value.
BB: Yes...'bought' it..I believe they were given a bag of trinkets, and were actually Tricked with 'treaties' scratched in the blowing sand, and not a Few simply slaughtered in the process. Have you thought about giving this land, which the Indians consider Sacred, back to its Original Owners?
AB: Ha! Just let'em Try and take it from us! Not gonna happen on My watch!
BB: You say you want to give this land back to 'Americans'. How do you propose to divey up 187,000 acres of wildlife preserve with about 300Million Americans, which I'm sure would include our Native Americans?
AB: Oh, well, we haven't worked all That out yet, but you'll See. We have a 'plan'.
BB: Have you Ever applied for a Government Loan?
AB: Why do you ask That question?
BB: Well, it appears that You, and your father, have in the past recieved huge loans from the Federal Government, you know, the one that you hate so much, in order to subsidize your Trucking Business and such. Is that True?
AB: Look, you didn't tell me you were gonna go There! First off, it's none of your business, maybe I did, and maybe I didn't. I plead my rights under the 5th Amendment.
BB: Wait, you Avail yourself of the protection of 'self incremination' under the Constitution of the United States of America?? The 'United States' that you don't recognize?? Do you find That a little Ironic?
AB: Like I said, it's none of your business!
BB: How many 'snacks' have your 'supporters' sent to you, and how do you issue them to your followers?
AB: Oh, tons, and tons of stuff, truck loads! And it's first come, first serve around Here.
BB: Do you have the support of many Americans?
AB: Everyone in the Country supports our 'cause', if the federals attack us the whole country will rise up and deal a mortal blow to them!
BB: Do you think you will be arrested due to this little event?
AB: Nope, ain't gonna happen! The federals are afraid of me and what I stand for. They don't dare touch me just like they didn't dare touch my Father. I'm untouchable, and unarrestable! We'll be out here for years if that's what it takes. I have God, who by the way gave me the 'sign' to do this, on my side. The federals have the devil, so you Know who's gonna win This fight. Pretty soon the federals are gonna turn over All the lands across America to the people it actually belongs to, and it ain't those Indians that are whining either. I'm talking about real Americans like you and me. Especially Me. Look, we're expecting a planeload of supplies and thousands of armed supportes any minute now, so I gotta run and 'regulate' my militia.
BB: And so ends a telling adventure into the dark recesses of the 'mind' of what some would rightly call a 'religiously fanatical domestic terrorist' who would stop at nothing in order ursurp the United States Government, which he profeses to Hate yet easily avails himself of the Amenities offered by it, and it's Constitution to attain his own personal agendas no matter the harm that might be caused along the way. Stay tuned folks, I'm sure there's more to come. :/:/

No comments:

Post a Comment