'Secret Squirrel'
Ok, look, this was 'supposed' to be one of those Over The Top, Top secret, secret Squirrel, never tell Anybody, hush-hush or we'll lock your sorry butt in a safe for seventy years, Zip it, loose lips sink ships, 'secret'. There's no telling How this managed to squeek past Area 51's sensors but now that it's been 'outted', the 'real' story can now be told. A 'secret' once Told, is no longer a secret.
And wouldn't you Know, your favorite 'news' station BBSN (BuddyBlacksSatiricalNews) has all the scoop, Not to be confused with those snappy 'PooperScoopers', but real life honest to goodness 'facts' of the matter, and for sure you'll sleep better, and suffer from no future regrets, because Tonight you heard it Here First. And a special ShoutOut to our busy bee 'reporter' BuddyBlack for digging This one out of its hermetically sealed vault, and tossing it up to the light of day. It goes 'something' like This;
A long, long, long, time ago, about the time of the 'good ol' days' when pre 'human' creatures were dragging their knuckles in the dust and sucking on scavenged bones while prehistoric buzzards pecked at their hairy butts, 'someone' or 'Something' was already looking up at the stars, this was way Before Burt Renoylds or even Brittany Spears were popular, so no, Not Those 'stars', wondering 'Hmmm...I Wonder what's Out there, and by the way, just how fast Is Light, and Really, how fast Is a 'New York minute', and did Jesus Really look like a Rock Star, and just Why can't I go swimming right after eating a Saber Toothed Tiger??' But of course they had No clue, but it didn't hurt to wonder. Then, little by little, step by tiny step, over the next Billion, Trillion, GaZillion Years, there were little clues falling from the heavens that eventually lead Some to believe that, Oh Yeah, there's 'something' out there alright, something that's just spooky as all get out alright! 'Something' out there is tossing big flaming chunks of rocks down at us! Yikes!!! The sky Is falling Afterall! And it wasn't long before our 'ancesters' began favoring Peyote, and Weed, and Mescaline, and LSD, you know, those 'mildly intoxicating' recreational chemicals with which to consult with those outter limits folks living on the 'other side' of our ever expanding universe. Of course it goes without saying, but I will anyway, that they were probably enjoying the Other effects as well, but one excuse is good as another. A 'buzz' is a buzz is a buzz. Inquiring Minds...well, they Just Will. And Then these head spinning earthlings formed 'clubs' and study groups, and 'religions', so that they could share their 'knowledge' with all other beings, and even exterminate a few indidginus souls in the process, all in the name of their favorite Gods. Little Then did they realize that 'living' amongst themselves, even Next Door in some cases, and Also looking up at the those twinkling stars, were 'Aliens' from Other worldly Worlds. These Aliens were able to morph themselves into 'earthling' forms, and incredibly enough, were able to act out, and do mostly stupid stuff just like Earthlings do! Some even became Politicians. Now you might Ask, 'which Other Worlds were these Other Worldly Aliens from?' Some would say, 'Oooo...the dark side of the Moon for sure, I mean hey, who Knows what goes on There, it's been rumored that Astronauts heard strange music when they were on the dark side of the moon'. Others might Opine, 'Oh, Mars..for Sure, they Are from Mars, heard'em say so myself, I remember that time they yanked me out of my Outhouse and took me up to their flying saucer and had some sort of sex with me', annnnd of course there's Some who were want to guess that they are from Waayyy out from beyond our Own Galaxy because it's a well known fact of life that there's absolutly No Intellegent Life form on our Own Planet Earth, so surely they Must be from the outter Limits of deep space where Somebody has some friggin common sense, where folks have evolved into...well, smarter beings..of some sort. Of course No one knew for Sure Where they actually came from as they always by-passed US Customs, and so left no written records of their Own. And so it remained quite the mystery for eons, and many's the sleepless night that was spent by curious earthlings peering into the night sky wondering what was attached to those blinking lights zipping across the heavens. And Sometimes the 'sky' would 'fall' in the form of a blazing streak of fire with rocks pelting empty unwary heads, and everyone just 'knew' that another alien craft had landed, it's occupants running hither and yon collecting earthlings on which to perform 'tests' to determine the possible IQ's of those so captured. However, Dissapointment was their only results. It seems that due to the Aliens poor 'earthling grammar' combined with the incredibly low IQ's of their captives, that when the Aliens said, 'Show me your Leaders', their captives misunderstood, and simply Dropped their Pants, and it Wasn't their 'Leader' they were showing, but it rhymes with the word 'peter'. You figure it out from there. And so it went, time after, and we're just 'guessing' here, dissapointingly pantless times no doubt! That is, Until....Phil, Phil Schneider that is, brave soul extrodinaire, knower of all things extra-terrestial manned up, stored his hooka and decided to Tell All That's News. But First, have you Never wondered 'Why' about Things that make you wonder Why? For instance, such mundane things as, Why does your steak knife have serrations on one Side Only, Why do Forks have only Four Tines, Why are Steering Wheels Round, Why don't we Drive our cars from the Back Seat, Why can you see through Glass even though it's made from Sand, Why are bullets Painful, just how fast would you have to travel to morph through a block wall and not leave a mark? Well, although we still don't have an answer to Those questions, a lot more and bigger better ones were answered by, you guessed it, no, not by Mr. Rogers although he Was pretty sharp, but according to Phil, the Extra-Terrestial guy, by those visiting Aliens from the Outter Limits. This all 'occurred' after the war to end all wars, the 2nd WW, where Everyone on Earth was busy trying to kill everyone else who were trying to kill everyone Else.
Enter a consortium of Outter Limit Aliens,Then-President Dwight D. Eisenhower, and of course the US Government. It seems, according to Phil, and he Swears he was Lucid and chemical 'free' at the time, that at least three tribes of Aliens, and don't confuse these 'aliens' with those folks from south of the border and such, arrived one day, this after learning a lesson with the bad english 'show me your Leader' phrase of their predecessors. Although their english diction was no better than before, they Now knew enough to say, 'Take me to your leader', instead of 'Show me....'. Of course they had unknowingly landed in San Francisco and when they uttered That little phrase they were quickly taken into a closet where they were shown..well..., again, it certainly wasn't a 'Leader'. After a rainbow filled carousing night they were told of a Government 'secret place' called Area 51. After arriving There they met with the President himself who pledged to give them anything they needed or wanted if Only they in turn would give Him such secrets that would put all other countries in Awe of the US forever more. The aliens thought for a few nana seconds and agreed, But they also wanted immediate Social Security Benefits, free health insurance coverage, free college tuition and a universal drivers permit, and of course free meals at FatBurgers Drive-thru. Which might explain their eventual untimely demise. Ike swooshed his magic wand over their pointy little heads, And all their wishes were granted. In return they asked for directions to the nearest cattle ranch, saying that they needed a 'few' specimums for 'scientific' study. They also asked for a 'few' Human specimens as well. Strickly for scientific study of course, although it was odd that they wanted only Male humans with large 'leaders', again just for 'scientific' study.
This being granted, they then held up Their part of the deal and disclosed 'secrets', some of which are Still locked in deep underground vaults at Area 51 to never see the light of day. Wonderful, and wonderous things were told of. Things like incredible metals from the Outter Limits, as it turned out metals So incredibly Hard that unfortunatly Nothing could be made from them. Yep, still stored away in those government vaults. And there were Other sweet things as well. Jet Propulsion, and Rocket Science were two exciting things. Unfortunatly it seems they had visited Germany a number of years prior, and had let That little secret slip out over there. Another 'secret' they gave up was the science of X-Rays, but of course that was rather Old news as well. Been there, done it. It seems that these Aliens were not so far advanced from we their galactic neighbors afterall, they simply resided in a different part of steller space, just as we from Them. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Well, they Did manage to get those snappy 'Alien' Drivers Permits though, which is a heckofalot more than We got from Them! :(
As for Mr. Phil Schneider, he was last seen twirling around and 'round in a 'tractor beam' as he was being beamed aboard an Alien Mothership, leavimg one to wonder....was he, or wasn't he. We may never know...or Do we? ;) ;)
And so it goes, yet another tale from the 'other' side of who knows Where. Hither, yon, thus and so. Stranger than the 'truth', wilder than fiction, never knowing that what we read is Real, what we see is not illusion, and what we 'know' is fact or fiction. 'Reality' is simply relative to the Now...isn't it??? :O
Join us again, hopefully in the not too distant 'Future', when your favorite 'news' station BBSN and BuddyBlack, drags another telling tale from the refuse can of life to tittalate your yearning for 'real' news. Stay Tuned! ;)
Ok, look, this was 'supposed' to be one of those Over The Top, Top secret, secret Squirrel, never tell Anybody, hush-hush or we'll lock your sorry butt in a safe for seventy years, Zip it, loose lips sink ships, 'secret'. There's no telling How this managed to squeek past Area 51's sensors but now that it's been 'outted', the 'real' story can now be told. A 'secret' once Told, is no longer a secret.
And wouldn't you Know, your favorite 'news' station BBSN (BuddyBlacksSatiricalNews) has all the scoop, Not to be confused with those snappy 'PooperScoopers', but real life honest to goodness 'facts' of the matter, and for sure you'll sleep better, and suffer from no future regrets, because Tonight you heard it Here First. And a special ShoutOut to our busy bee 'reporter' BuddyBlack for digging This one out of its hermetically sealed vault, and tossing it up to the light of day. It goes 'something' like This;
A long, long, long, time ago, about the time of the 'good ol' days' when pre 'human' creatures were dragging their knuckles in the dust and sucking on scavenged bones while prehistoric buzzards pecked at their hairy butts, 'someone' or 'Something' was already looking up at the stars, this was way Before Burt Renoylds or even Brittany Spears were popular, so no, Not Those 'stars', wondering 'Hmmm...I Wonder what's Out there, and by the way, just how fast Is Light, and Really, how fast Is a 'New York minute', and did Jesus Really look like a Rock Star, and just Why can't I go swimming right after eating a Saber Toothed Tiger??' But of course they had No clue, but it didn't hurt to wonder. Then, little by little, step by tiny step, over the next Billion, Trillion, GaZillion Years, there were little clues falling from the heavens that eventually lead Some to believe that, Oh Yeah, there's 'something' out there alright, something that's just spooky as all get out alright! 'Something' out there is tossing big flaming chunks of rocks down at us! Yikes!!! The sky Is falling Afterall! And it wasn't long before our 'ancesters' began favoring Peyote, and Weed, and Mescaline, and LSD, you know, those 'mildly intoxicating' recreational chemicals with which to consult with those outter limits folks living on the 'other side' of our ever expanding universe. Of course it goes without saying, but I will anyway, that they were probably enjoying the Other effects as well, but one excuse is good as another. A 'buzz' is a buzz is a buzz. Inquiring Minds...well, they Just Will. And Then these head spinning earthlings formed 'clubs' and study groups, and 'religions', so that they could share their 'knowledge' with all other beings, and even exterminate a few indidginus souls in the process, all in the name of their favorite Gods. Little Then did they realize that 'living' amongst themselves, even Next Door in some cases, and Also looking up at the those twinkling stars, were 'Aliens' from Other worldly Worlds. These Aliens were able to morph themselves into 'earthling' forms, and incredibly enough, were able to act out, and do mostly stupid stuff just like Earthlings do! Some even became Politicians. Now you might Ask, 'which Other Worlds were these Other Worldly Aliens from?' Some would say, 'Oooo...the dark side of the Moon for sure, I mean hey, who Knows what goes on There, it's been rumored that Astronauts heard strange music when they were on the dark side of the moon'. Others might Opine, 'Oh, Mars..for Sure, they Are from Mars, heard'em say so myself, I remember that time they yanked me out of my Outhouse and took me up to their flying saucer and had some sort of sex with me', annnnd of course there's Some who were want to guess that they are from Waayyy out from beyond our Own Galaxy because it's a well known fact of life that there's absolutly No Intellegent Life form on our Own Planet Earth, so surely they Must be from the outter Limits of deep space where Somebody has some friggin common sense, where folks have evolved into...well, smarter beings..of some sort. Of course No one knew for Sure Where they actually came from as they always by-passed US Customs, and so left no written records of their Own. And so it remained quite the mystery for eons, and many's the sleepless night that was spent by curious earthlings peering into the night sky wondering what was attached to those blinking lights zipping across the heavens. And Sometimes the 'sky' would 'fall' in the form of a blazing streak of fire with rocks pelting empty unwary heads, and everyone just 'knew' that another alien craft had landed, it's occupants running hither and yon collecting earthlings on which to perform 'tests' to determine the possible IQ's of those so captured. However, Dissapointment was their only results. It seems that due to the Aliens poor 'earthling grammar' combined with the incredibly low IQ's of their captives, that when the Aliens said, 'Show me your Leaders', their captives misunderstood, and simply Dropped their Pants, and it Wasn't their 'Leader' they were showing, but it rhymes with the word 'peter'. You figure it out from there. And so it went, time after, and we're just 'guessing' here, dissapointingly pantless times no doubt! That is, Until....Phil, Phil Schneider that is, brave soul extrodinaire, knower of all things extra-terrestial manned up, stored his hooka and decided to Tell All That's News. But First, have you Never wondered 'Why' about Things that make you wonder Why? For instance, such mundane things as, Why does your steak knife have serrations on one Side Only, Why do Forks have only Four Tines, Why are Steering Wheels Round, Why don't we Drive our cars from the Back Seat, Why can you see through Glass even though it's made from Sand, Why are bullets Painful, just how fast would you have to travel to morph through a block wall and not leave a mark? Well, although we still don't have an answer to Those questions, a lot more and bigger better ones were answered by, you guessed it, no, not by Mr. Rogers although he Was pretty sharp, but according to Phil, the Extra-Terrestial guy, by those visiting Aliens from the Outter Limits. This all 'occurred' after the war to end all wars, the 2nd WW, where Everyone on Earth was busy trying to kill everyone else who were trying to kill everyone Else.
Enter a consortium of Outter Limit Aliens,Then-President Dwight D. Eisenhower, and of course the US Government. It seems, according to Phil, and he Swears he was Lucid and chemical 'free' at the time, that at least three tribes of Aliens, and don't confuse these 'aliens' with those folks from south of the border and such, arrived one day, this after learning a lesson with the bad english 'show me your Leader' phrase of their predecessors. Although their english diction was no better than before, they Now knew enough to say, 'Take me to your leader', instead of 'Show me....'. Of course they had unknowingly landed in San Francisco and when they uttered That little phrase they were quickly taken into a closet where they were shown..well..., again, it certainly wasn't a 'Leader'. After a rainbow filled carousing night they were told of a Government 'secret place' called Area 51. After arriving There they met with the President himself who pledged to give them anything they needed or wanted if Only they in turn would give Him such secrets that would put all other countries in Awe of the US forever more. The aliens thought for a few nana seconds and agreed, But they also wanted immediate Social Security Benefits, free health insurance coverage, free college tuition and a universal drivers permit, and of course free meals at FatBurgers Drive-thru. Which might explain their eventual untimely demise. Ike swooshed his magic wand over their pointy little heads, And all their wishes were granted. In return they asked for directions to the nearest cattle ranch, saying that they needed a 'few' specimums for 'scientific' study. They also asked for a 'few' Human specimens as well. Strickly for scientific study of course, although it was odd that they wanted only Male humans with large 'leaders', again just for 'scientific' study.
This being granted, they then held up Their part of the deal and disclosed 'secrets', some of which are Still locked in deep underground vaults at Area 51 to never see the light of day. Wonderful, and wonderous things were told of. Things like incredible metals from the Outter Limits, as it turned out metals So incredibly Hard that unfortunatly Nothing could be made from them. Yep, still stored away in those government vaults. And there were Other sweet things as well. Jet Propulsion, and Rocket Science were two exciting things. Unfortunatly it seems they had visited Germany a number of years prior, and had let That little secret slip out over there. Another 'secret' they gave up was the science of X-Rays, but of course that was rather Old news as well. Been there, done it. It seems that these Aliens were not so far advanced from we their galactic neighbors afterall, they simply resided in a different part of steller space, just as we from Them. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Well, they Did manage to get those snappy 'Alien' Drivers Permits though, which is a heckofalot more than We got from Them! :(
As for Mr. Phil Schneider, he was last seen twirling around and 'round in a 'tractor beam' as he was being beamed aboard an Alien Mothership, leavimg one to wonder....was he, or wasn't he. We may never know...or Do we? ;) ;)
And so it goes, yet another tale from the 'other' side of who knows Where. Hither, yon, thus and so. Stranger than the 'truth', wilder than fiction, never knowing that what we read is Real, what we see is not illusion, and what we 'know' is fact or fiction. 'Reality' is simply relative to the Now...isn't it??? :O
Join us again, hopefully in the not too distant 'Future', when your favorite 'news' station BBSN and BuddyBlack, drags another telling tale from the refuse can of life to tittalate your yearning for 'real' news. Stay Tuned! ;)
Did the US Government Make a Pact With Aliens to Get Technology?
Left: Former U.S. President Dwight Eisenhower. (Wikimedia Commons) Background: A concept photo of light from an alien spaceship. Phil Schneider, who said he worked as a geologist and engineer on highly classified operations for the U.S. government, said Eisenhower made a pact with extraterrestrials. (Thinkstock)
In Beyond Science, Epoch Times explores research and accounts related to phenomena and theories that challenge our current knowledge. We delve into ideas that stimulate the imagination and open up new possibilities. Share your thoughts with us on these sometimes controversial topics in the comments section below.
Phil Schneider was vocal before his death about what he says he learned about aliens while working under a high-level security clearance for the U.S. government. Epoch Times does not make any claims as to the veracity of his story, but rather presents his extraordinary claims for the reader’s entertainment and contemplation.
Schneider met with ridicule from many, but there are also many who believe him after watching his videos, such as Veterans Today senior editor Gordon Duff who calls him a “UFO whistleblower.” Schneider was found dead in his apartment in 1996. Though it was ruled a suicide, some believe he was murdered.
In 1954, then-President Dwight Eisenhower made a pact with three species of aliens, said Schneider in a lecture at the 1995 Preparedness Expo. In exchange for alien technology, Eisenhower allegedly gave aliens permission to abduct some cattle and a limited number of human beings (added June 9: Schneider said the human abductees were for aliens to test implanting techniques and the aliens must give the details of the people involved).
For decades livestock have been found inexplicably mutilated across the United States. More than 10,000 attacks have been recorded throughout the country, according to KLAS-TV Las Vegas. Some say these mutilations are done by cultists. Some say it’s predatory animals, although livestock have been found with their organs removed in a precise manner. Some say it’s aliens.
As for human abductees, Schneider said many of the thousands of people missing worldwide may have been taken by aliens. He said there are nine races of aliens that see a human being as “a bag of food.”
The technology aliens gave to uphold their end of this exchange includes a kind of metal that is nearly indestructible. Schneider showed the audience what he said was a piece of this metal. It is made of niobium, an element we have on the periodic table, and marinite, an alien element you won’t find mentioned in Earth’s textbooks.
He said the government also developed a spy satellite with the help of aliens that could spot a dime on your kitchen floor. It used infrared technology and had a resolution factor of 99.99961.
The aliens violated the pact, said Schneider, by taking more humans than agreed upon. A war with the aliens has been fought ever since. He said the aliens plan to take over Earth by 2029 and he called on the government to tell citizens what it knows.
He said: “We don’t have a whole heap of time left.”
Phil Schneider was vocal before his death about what he says he learned about aliens while working under a high-level security clearance for the U.S. government. Epoch Times does not make any claims as to the veracity of his story, but rather presents his extraordinary claims for the reader’s entertainment and contemplation.
Schneider met with ridicule from many, but there are also many who believe him after watching his videos, such as Veterans Today senior editor Gordon Duff who calls him a “UFO whistleblower.” Schneider was found dead in his apartment in 1996. Though it was ruled a suicide, some believe he was murdered.
In 1954, then-President Dwight Eisenhower made a pact with three species of aliens, said Schneider in a lecture at the 1995 Preparedness Expo. In exchange for alien technology, Eisenhower allegedly gave aliens permission to abduct some cattle and a limited number of human beings (added June 9: Schneider said the human abductees were for aliens to test implanting techniques and the aliens must give the details of the people involved).
For decades livestock have been found inexplicably mutilated across the United States. More than 10,000 attacks have been recorded throughout the country, according to KLAS-TV Las Vegas. Some say these mutilations are done by cultists. Some say it’s predatory animals, although livestock have been found with their organs removed in a precise manner. Some say it’s aliens.
As for human abductees, Schneider said many of the thousands of people missing worldwide may have been taken by aliens. He said there are nine races of aliens that see a human being as “a bag of food.”
The technology aliens gave to uphold their end of this exchange includes a kind of metal that is nearly indestructible. Schneider showed the audience what he said was a piece of this metal. It is made of niobium, an element we have on the periodic table, and marinite, an alien element you won’t find mentioned in Earth’s textbooks.
He said the government also developed a spy satellite with the help of aliens that could spot a dime on your kitchen floor. It used infrared technology and had a resolution factor of 99.99961.
The aliens violated the pact, said Schneider, by taking more humans than agreed upon. A war with the aliens has been fought ever since. He said the aliens plan to take over Earth by 2029 and he called on the government to tell citizens what it knows.
He said: “We don’t have a whole heap of time left.”
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