Thank Allah For Infidel American Money!

'Down with America! Death to those infidel pigs! Off with their empty heads! Allah Akbar! God willing, Kill the infidels!
Ok, Ok, enough already guys, lets get down to business now. Look, it seems that all that ISIS funny money we printed up to pay bills with, well....., we didn't Actually 'print' Anything Up, we just stole a truck load of Monopoly Games and kept all the money from them. Well, it has now lost whatEver value it may have had in the first place. Hey, nobody Said it was gonna be easy taking over the world! We tried to find someone who graduated from at Least the 2nd grade so that we could have an 'economics' guru on hand but you can see how that has worked out for us. Unfortunatly, we have murdered most nearly Anyone who even so much as Walked Near a School, which of course limited our options greatly. Bummer! The infidels keep bombing the jeebies out of our Money Houses and burning up whatever money we have on hand to pay bills with. Now, Nobody gets paid in cash anymore. This is a sad turn of events for sure. The cost of these spiffy black flags are Killing us! We had to chop off the heads of our last three flag makers because they had impure thoughts...or at least I Think they did...well, for Sure they won't Now! You can never be too 'sure'. And Now it looks like the price of silk is going up, just like everything Else around here! Salaries, food, water, gas, babes, porno flicks, Hustler Mags., you name it, the price has gone up, and up, and up, and our Longevity is Down, and down, and down!!! But with that last truck hijack we now have plenty of 'food' on hand so that everyone gets three meals a day. Unfortunatly, that truck was full of fried camel dung, Snicker Bars, and Pig ears! We will use the Snicker Bars as salary bonuses, oh, by the way, did you know you can melt those babies down and make Tea out of them, Praise Allah!, for our hard working knife sharpeners, and those great guys who keep our Toyota SUV 'Technicals' so shiney and clean. Hey, Good job guys! Allah Akbar! And of course the pig ears will go to our ever eager 'prospects', or 'cannon fodder' as they jokenly refer to Themselves. What a great sense of humor they have! How they So 'willingly' die for the 'cause', of which most of them have No clue. Uneducated, jobless, and hopeless youth, is our Greatest 'asset'! A big shout-out to those fellas! Allah Akbar dudes! One of these joval guys ask me the other day while we were lounging around sipping 'snicker tea', 'how come we have No older men among us?' And you know, that got me to thinking, just to mySelf mind you, you Don't Dare 'think' out Loud around Here, if you 'know' what I mean, about our snappy black 'uniforms'. Just before a Sidewinder Missile pop'd one of our best cannon fodder recruits he asked me, 'Do you think they blend in well with the Sand around here? Is the Contrast in colour a bit strong there, you Know, just sayin'..?' And of course those missiles are much faster than a 'thought', and I didn't have a chance to give him my answer before he was turned back to Dust. But I would have replied, 'gee, I don't know Jawad'. I guess we should hire a fashion consultant for That one. But it seems that anytime we pop out of our spidyholes somebody cranks a missile off at us! Just something to think more about later on I guess. But right Now we must pay a little 'community pledge' visit to a helpless Village nearby, and 'ask' for 'donations' for the 'cause' by kidnapping a few locals, lopping off a few heads, and of course extorting some tax money, in US Currency of course! Allah Akbar!
Speaking of 'tax's', it's that time of year again! Bummer! Must get tax forms out to all our members or we All shall lose our silly murdering heads. Luckily we now can deduct all the senseless murders of Innocent women and children that we so happily engage in. So much to do, so few heads! Last year we got tax'd for it! How crazy is That!? I mean, Come On already! But, good news, this year we will all get Rebates for beheadings as long as we each have Ten or more, documented and notorized. Of course we slaughtered all the notories in this part of the country last year, not having a Clue that we would need them This year. Isn't that just the way it goes though? But hey, who can read the future? Well, actually we Did have a few guys that really Could 'read' the future. But Allah said to kill them because that's too much like occult stuff. Oh well, if we'd Only Known! So Now, we must place a few adds on the local 'Help Wanted' sites. Allah Akbar! Kill them infidels! Down with America! We Hate Everything those infidels stand for! Pigs! Allah Akbar, God willing! And speaking of Money, we can no longer accept Any form of monetary funds except for US Currency. No more of that Egyptian funny money, or that Iraqi crap, and for Sure none of that useless Syrian money, or those pitiful Russian Rubles, They can't even buy anything with that stuff! US Currency from now on guys! US Money is Number 1! Yeaaaa US Dollar!!! Let's here a big shout-out for a currency that no matter What, we can Always count on boys!! Have you Ever smelled that US Money? Man! What a sweeeet flavour it has! Can't help but love it! seems that Everyone we Owe money to is now refusing anything but US funds, so if it's good enough for Them, it's good enough for us!
Kill those infidels! We hate those American infidel pigs! Destroy America! May they burn in hell for eternity! Allah Akbar!' :/ :/ :/

 

CR-ISIS: Jihadi killers Islamic State 'going broke'

TERROR group ISIS is strapped for cash because of the thousands of Syrian and Iraqi civilians fleeing scared for their lives.

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By Jeremy Culley/Published 25th September 2015

AP/GETTY
CASH-STRAPPED: Fleeing migrants have left ISIS skint, with fighters such as Jihadi John costly

Doctors and other professionals are doing a runner, which is leaving ISIS very few people to tax, depriving the group of its main income source.
These economic woes are compounded by coalition air strikes on oil reserves and their own backward views on women.
Estimates are that ISIS made $1.4bn (£920m) last year, but almost half that was one-off revenue gained from robbing Iraqi banks.
Plummetting tax revenues could leave the militants in dire straits. Paying for their fighters, such as Brit beheader Jihadi John, could cost up to $360m a year, even more if they expand as planned.
Air strikes from the coalition have also hit ISIS' oil facilities, while they reportedly spend more on weapons than they do on looking after their own people.

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PRICEY: : These militants might be costing ISIS too much

“The people who have highly desirable skill sets like doctors are fleeingI”

Daveed Gartenstein-Ross, counter-terror expert

Meanwhile, ISIS' restrictive laws about women in the workplace are a huge barrier to economic growth.
All this means the Islamist militants are in danger of going broke. It is only a year since they declared an Islamic caliphate in parts of Iraq and Syria.
US magazine Newsweek reports that eight million now live under ISIS control, but they are now either so scared or poor they are leaving in droves.
Daveed Gartenstein-Ross, a counterterrorism expert, told Business Insider: "The people who have highly desirable skill sets like doctors are fleeing.
"The oil industry is another area where they haven't preserved the level of talent that they need.

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EXTREME: The murderers might be running out of dosh

"If people are leaving because of ISIS' inability to provide basic governance, that calls their legitimacy into question."
Cost of living has sky-rocketed since ISIS took over, with fuel costing 30 cents (20p) a litre in Mosul last year, and now $2 (£1.30).

 

The Iraqi government has also stopped paying officials in ISIS-controlled areas, leaving the terror group to foot the bill and depriving them of taxes they extort from the state salaries.
ISIS has also had problems recently with its OWN fighters leaving, whinging about living conditions and the way they were treated.