'Hi there Republican 'voters', my name is Mick Mulvaney, you may know me as President Trump's White House Chief of staff, but after this little incredible event you might know me as the 'White House Chief of Bullshit Extraordinaire'. My job around here, as I'm told, is to be the chief voice of your President, you know, be his little 'puppetman' whenever he lacks the manly gonads to actually speak for himself. Do you often wonder, as I do myself, how I ever qualified for this job in the first place? Well, if not, here's your fat chance!
But look, enough about Me, how about that useless boat that was mistakenly, and stupidly as we'll all agree, named the USS John McCain? Who does that?? I mean, come on folks, 'John McCain'?, you know, That guy that my boss just loves to hate, and just can't seem to let go of. How does anyone even stand to work on that thing? Soon, as I'm told, the name will be changed to USS Donald Trump, a more fitting name for sure. Look, it's not that I personally don't like the thing, or the person it's named after for that matter, but it's good enough for me that my boss hates it, so therefore, like a good lemming over the proverbial cliff, there go I. 'Apparently', as I'm being 'told', some very UNIDENTIFIED White House person lightly 'suggested', not an 'order' mind you, just a 'suggestion' I'm told, that the boat in question, you know, the one that's the namesake of that bigmouthed Senator that 'allowed' himself to be captured during the Viet Nam war, be moved from the possible eye sight of my boss' wonderful 'Presidential' eyes during his vacation, err..visit, to Japan. Look, I don't know what the big deal is here folks. The boat was never actually 'moved', now was it? So, already we're on the border of "fake news", right? The bottom line here is, "The fact that some 23, 24-year-old person on the advance team went to that site and said, 'oh my goodness, here's the John McCain, we all know how the president feels about the former senator, maybe that's not the best backdrop, can somebody look into moving it?' That's not an unreasonable thing," Let me repeat myself at the risk of being stupendously stupid, "That's not an unreasonable thing," now is it? No, as you all will readily agree, not at all "unreasonable" at all. Happens all the time, I'm told. Not unusual at all in politics, and hardly "unreasonable".
Of course there may be some half brain, boring to tears news reporter who right this very minute is wondering just who that "unidentified" White House person is, you know, the person who 'suggested' moving the boat, you know, the person who my boss say's was "well meaning", that one. Well, I myself might not actually 'know' who that brave, and I might add, politically correct, person might be. The name will never pass my 'truthful' lips. Could be any Tom, Dick or Harry. Who 'knows'? But 'Trust me' folks, the Democrats will need a court order from the Supreme Court before that valiant minion of a person will be identified. Because it's top secret, and the public has no valid reason to know, or even wants to know, his/her name. Just another "witch hunt", as my boss will quickly claim.
So my parting words, as my boss will appreciate and no doubt give me a whole bunch of 'brownie points for saying so, politicizing the military by catering to our paranoid, 'man-baby' 'Commander-In-vengeance', is a good thing, and "That's not an unreasonable thing," really. No, Really. Is it?'
But look, enough about Me, how about that useless boat that was mistakenly, and stupidly as we'll all agree, named the USS John McCain? Who does that?? I mean, come on folks, 'John McCain'?, you know, That guy that my boss just loves to hate, and just can't seem to let go of. How does anyone even stand to work on that thing? Soon, as I'm told, the name will be changed to USS Donald Trump, a more fitting name for sure. Look, it's not that I personally don't like the thing, or the person it's named after for that matter, but it's good enough for me that my boss hates it, so therefore, like a good lemming over the proverbial cliff, there go I. 'Apparently', as I'm being 'told', some very UNIDENTIFIED White House person lightly 'suggested', not an 'order' mind you, just a 'suggestion' I'm told, that the boat in question, you know, the one that's the namesake of that bigmouthed Senator that 'allowed' himself to be captured during the Viet Nam war, be moved from the possible eye sight of my boss' wonderful 'Presidential' eyes during his vacation, err..visit, to Japan. Look, I don't know what the big deal is here folks. The boat was never actually 'moved', now was it? So, already we're on the border of "fake news", right? The bottom line here is, "The fact that some 23, 24-year-old person on the advance team went to that site and said, 'oh my goodness, here's the John McCain, we all know how the president feels about the former senator, maybe that's not the best backdrop, can somebody look into moving it?' That's not an unreasonable thing," Let me repeat myself at the risk of being stupendously stupid, "That's not an unreasonable thing," now is it? No, as you all will readily agree, not at all "unreasonable" at all. Happens all the time, I'm told. Not unusual at all in politics, and hardly "unreasonable".
Of course there may be some half brain, boring to tears news reporter who right this very minute is wondering just who that "unidentified" White House person is, you know, the person who 'suggested' moving the boat, you know, the person who my boss say's was "well meaning", that one. Well, I myself might not actually 'know' who that brave, and I might add, politically correct, person might be. The name will never pass my 'truthful' lips. Could be any Tom, Dick or Harry. Who 'knows'? But 'Trust me' folks, the Democrats will need a court order from the Supreme Court before that valiant minion of a person will be identified. Because it's top secret, and the public has no valid reason to know, or even wants to know, his/her name. Just another "witch hunt", as my boss will quickly claim.
So my parting words, as my boss will appreciate and no doubt give me a whole bunch of 'brownie points for saying so, politicizing the military by catering to our paranoid, 'man-baby' 'Commander-In-vengeance', is a good thing, and "That's not an unreasonable thing," really. No, Really. Is it?'
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