'My dear morbidly obese, little buddy, Kimmy,
Oh how I long to hold your chubby little hand in my own manly hand once again. I have no doubt that you miss me about as much as I miss you. We should do breakfast sometime at one of my famous golf resorts where I could also teach you a few golf tactics that will leave your fellow imprisoned family members amazed at your golfing prowess. Of course we may have to make some special golf clubs for you so that you can get your chubby little fingers around the shaft properly. Speaking of 'shafts', boy you sure have given me one, huh? Whoaa! Right up my ying-yang! You are making me look really bad Kimmy! Stop it already pal! Here I take up for you, defend you from people who accidentally hate me, and what do you do, you make me look impotent. And of course as any prostitute worth her salt will tell you, I am far from being 'impotent'. Just like in 'golf', my handiness with a fine tuned 'shaft' precedes me! But enough about 'me' kimmy, although as you would agree it certainly Is all about me.
Look Kimmy, ya gotta help me look good for a change. I'm telling everyone that still has ears that this letter is about your missiles and stuff like that. Of course I 'know' that they are just silly little 4th of July rockets just as you have told me before. So yeah, about my 'letter', you know, about how we're gonna make a big agreement and you'll burn all your bombs and stuff and we'll be bunky buddies forever, stuff like that. All I'm asking is that you fluff it up a lot, tell folks that you still love me and, well, you know, just make me look good for once. Tell ya what Kimmy, how'd you like a really nice money making private Donald Trump golf club? Do you like do-nuts?
Ok, look, I'm gonna have a really big photo shoot about this 'letter' and then throw it in the 'snail mail' box. When you get it play it up like crazy and we'll both get some mileage and votes out of it. Just make stuff up like I do. Our serfs expect stuff like that. It works for me, it'll work for you too! Remember, the bigger the lie, the more the lying 'press' will print. Good stuff Kimmy, big numbers, unbelievable!
Bye bye for now, hope to cuddle you soon.
As always, Donnie, The 'King' of America.'
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