Monday, June 24, 2019

"Climate Change"? What's That??

' Well now, what an immaculate coincidence! You know what? I was talking with god last night just before tucking myself in for a long nights snooze, and god 'told me' that you were going to ask that question. It's as Un-believable as it is 'true'! There I was, taking a knee for jesus, asking for forgiveness for any sins I may have accidently committed during the day, you know stuff like riding in an elevator with a woman, glancing at a woman's breasts, thinking about sex with whatever, accidental stuff like that, as 'Second-In-Command' of our 'Supreme leaders' country, when out of the blue, wham-o! He told me you would ask that question! Just like that! Can you believe it!? You know, that's why I stay real close, actually nose to butt', to my good lord. Just like my 'human' boss, he's always right. That's why I, myself, am totally sinless. More people should be just like me!
So, humor me for a while as I try to be as articulate as spiritually possible in pretending to 'answer' your question of the day. You ask me if I think 'climate change' is a threat. First we must define what a "threat" may or may not be. For instance, "fake news" as propagated by the enemy of the people, you know, 'news reporters' and such, certainly fit the class of a "threat". So there's your answer to what constitutes a "threat" to the world. Now, lets define the word "change" as spiritually as I can, and simple enough for you as a 'reporter' to understand. "Change" is like when I soil my skivvies during a really tough interview, and must "change" into clean ones. Or, lets say you've worn your socks too many days in a row. It's a good idea to "change" into clean ones. See? Do you even understand any thing I've said to you? Anything at all?? I mean, I made it as simple as I'm able! Pay attention! And last but maybe not least of all, the definition of the word "climate". And everyone will agree to this one for sure! For instance, when I'm in my government issued Limo being chauffeured around at the tax payers expense, and I notice that it may be too hot in there, all I have to do is push some little buttons on the "climate change" control panel and just like that, I'm chilling. So, I guess you could say that I do think "climate change" can be a threat, especially when it's as hot outside my limo as it is inside. Who needs that!? See, I just go with the flow when it comes to 'scientific' things like 'science' and stuff. My good lord is my 'scientist'! God said, 'let there be A/C where there is none', and that's good enough for me. I actually don't question god when he speaks, who does That?
In conclusion, 'ask me no more questions, and I'll tell you no more lies'. Oh, and I was thinking about running for President, so remember to vote for me come election time. I'll have all the factual 'answers' as provided by my very own god. Really.'



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cnn.com
Sometimes you have to read something to believe it. Vice President Mike Pence's pretzel-twisting when asked by CNN's Jake Tapper whether climate change is a threat to the United States is one of those times.

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