Once again, our roving reporter Buddy Black (BB) here at BSRN (Buddy's Satirical Rambling News) has been able to corner a 'loose cannon' in the form of Pastor Kevin Swanson (KS), and was clever to grill him on some of his 'worldly thoughts'. As you may have recently read in the 'wierd news' section of your bathroom reader, Pastor Swanson has gleefully given a 'thumbs down' review on the famous Harry Potter movies and books. He even espoused some interesting, albeit scarey, solutions to wayward youths, particularly with-in his own flock. Strangely, Pastor Swanson would agree to this interview only if it could be conducted in his Closet.
Buddy (BB) begins the interview;
BB: Gee, Pastor, thanks for taking time off from your busy homophobic schedule for this little chat, ah..could we turn a Light on in here?
KS: yeah, no problem Bud, glad to be here, but if you call me a 'homo' one more time You're outta here!
BB: Alllllright then...Well lets get right to it then, shall we. Pastor, you have really been lighting up the airways lately. Some people think that You seem to be a man of many thoughtless words. How would you respond to that assertion?
KS: Just focus on the first three letters of that word.
BB: Hmmm..perhaps you concentrate a bit to greatly on those '..first three letters..'? In a recent forum you went to great detail about the Harry Potter 'issue', and how some of the charactors in that story are gay, and a danger to anyone who reads the books or watches the movie.
KS: Yes, that's right. Danger, danger! Don't read it, don't watch it! Horrible!
BB: Have you, yourself Actually read any of the Harry Potter books or seen the movie? It seems that by doing That, You would also be in 'danger'?
KS: Wellll...noooo..not exactly. I haven't read it, But I Have 'heard' terrible things About it. Terrible things I tell you! OMG! Awful things indeed! All you have to do is just look around you, and you can See what it's doing to Everyone! Especially our youths!
BB: Well, lets touch on That aspect of your 'thoughts' Pastor. Perhaps you could give our readers some deeper insight about how you propose to 'cure' youths who take the wrong reader path by reading or watching Harry Potter, particularly about the 'Millstone' cure you have proposed.
KS: Oh yeah, about that one....Look I'm really sorry about going on about the 'Millstone Cure'. I should choose my words more carefully.
BB: Annnnd.....?
KS: Look, lets go off the 'record' here for a few, and I'll tell you what I Really meant there. Is that recorder turned Off now?
BB: Off?....Ahhh..Oh sure, just let me find the 'Off' button..Therrrre you go! Now you can spill your guts just between the Two of us, your words are 'safe' with me.
KS: Ok, thanks Bud! Look, just between you and Me, that 'Millstone Cure' was , and no pun intended, a pain in the Neck! We tried it out for a while, and it Did work as intended. But, those things were getting waaaay too expensive. The Price kept going up, and up on those things. Good lord, it's just a round rock with a hole in it for cryin' out loud! It's just a Rock, but at the Price of Gold! I talked with Jesus, via the 'Cloud', about it, and he's pretty sure that it has to be Round with a hole in the center, or else it won't 'work'. So I thought, hey, we have a lot of junk car wheels layin' around. Round with a hole in the center! We tried a few, and like magic, they worked as intended. Ever tried to tread water while 'swimming' with a tire rim? So yeah, we don't use those Millstones anymore. You know, I don't believe in 'Evolution', but if there was one, we did it! I wish we had thought of it a long time ago because now we have only a handfull of youths left, which I Know Some of them have read that homosexual training book. It takes a while but the Lord as our savior, we'll weed'em out. Praise the Lord! Hey, get this, I've ordered the men in my flock to start making babies. I know Some of them couldn't make a baby if they had to, so I have volunteered to step in, so to speak, and help out. Hot dog, I'm gonna be busy, busy! There's some Hot wives out there! Man, I Love this 'Pastor of my very own flock' thing!
BB: Well, Now it's more Scarey, than Interesting. Tell me Pastor, are the members of your flock as homophobic as You seem to be?
KS: Thats it!! I told you to not call me a Homo again, and there you've gone and done it right to my very face! This interview is Over bud! I bet you Read that horrible book! Danger, danger I tell you! Get outta my Closet!
BB: And so ended an interview with a man on a 'mission'. A man who get's his directions from his Lord via the 'cloud'. A man who rants, a man who raves about the things that scare the jibbies out of him. A man lost in his own version of 'reality'. A man who sooner or later, will 'come out' of his Own 'closet'. :0 ;)
Pastor provokes outrage after rant about Harry Potter books being 'homosexual'
- Kevin Swanson says Dumbledore is a gay mentor for Harry Potter
- Also criticised the character Hiccup from film 'How to Train Your Dragon'
A right wing pastor in the U.S. has blamed parents for allowing their children to read 'homosexual' Harry Potter books.
Kevin Swanson, a pastor at the Reformation Church of Elizabeth in Colorado attacked the series by JK Rowling as well as the recent animated children's film How to Train Your Dragon.
He was speaking at the National Religious Liberties Conference, when he launched into a rant at the fact Harry Potter's mentor Dumbledore was homosexual.
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Pastor Kevin Swanson, who launched a rant at 'homosexual' Harry Potter books at a religious liberties conference
The pastor has previously attacked other popular kids' entertainment like Disney's Frozen
The pastor also hit out at the character Hiccup from the film How to Train Your Dragon, saying he too emerged as 'homosexual'.
In footage obtained by the group rightwingwatch.org, Swanson ranted: 'America repent on Harry Potter. America repent on How to Train Your Dragon.
'Repent that Dumbledore emerged as a homosexual mentor for Harry Potter.
'Children are raised to be stumbled by the Dumbledores and Hiccups on How to Train Your Dragon.
'My friends, America needs to repent.
The pastor also hit out at the character Hiccup from the film How to Train Your Dragon, saying he too emerged as 'homosexual'
'For tens of millions of parents it would be better that a millstone be hung around their neck and they be drowned at the bottom of the sea.'
J.K. Rowling has previously announced that Dumbledore was gay, revealing his sexuality in 2007, after the final book – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – was published.
She has been asked to justify her decision on a number of occasions and is becoming notorious for her witty responses.
However, it is not the first time that Swanson has ranted against films and books aimed at children.
Last year he denounced Disney's Frozen as a brainwashing tool for 'indoctrinating children into the clutches of homosexuality.'
J.K. Rowling has previously announced that Dumbledore, played by Michael Gambon in the film, was gay, revealing his sexuality in 2007, after the final book – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – was published
The religious talk show host also condemned Disney for its recent move to cut ties with Boys Scouts of America because of the group's anti-gay stance.
He said: 'Friends, this is evil, just evil. I wonder if people are thinking, "You know, I think this cute little movie is going to indoctrinate my 5-year-old to be a lesbian or treat homosexuality or bestiality in a light sort of way."
'The Boy Scouts are the fault line. You got Disney pulling funding. This is fracturing our society and I can see how it might, I can see how some parents might be very strong, they don’t want their children indoctrinated in any way into the lifestyle of sodomy.'
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3311896/It-better-drowned-bottom-sea-Pastor-provokes-outrage-saying-children-die-allow-read-homosexual-Harry-Potter-books.html#ixzz3rrN73zRs
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