92-Year-Old Woman Kicked Out Of Georgia Church For Not Tithing, Nephew Says

92-Year-Old Woman Kicked Out Of Georgia Church For Not Tithing, Nephew Says





   'Dear Parishioners, This is God, it has come to my Very busy attention, and beleive you Me, you are pulling me away from important business, that some of you Slackerds have been coasting, and simply warming a pew while neglecting your sacred duty as members of my earthly flock.  You have been baaaaad sheep, and setting baaaad example to the rest of the flock!  That is; you tight-wads have been pinching your pennies, and holding out on me in your 'Tithing' duties!  Do you think for one second that I, the see'er of all things seeable cannot see what you have in your skinflint pockets?  Well, guess again you scoundrals!   Oh, if only I could bring back the 'dunking' pools of yor!  and how about those snappy 'locks' that were the rage!  Now, Those babies had some cause and effect!   Ah, but you Christians have become soft and tight, so it's time that I garnered some needed attention in this matter.  Now I know that some of you may say,, 'why do we need these humongous churches with all this glitter, and these high fallotin preachers living on the high and mighty, owning all these pricey mansions, and fancy cars, and airplanes, and yachts and such'.   Well, let me say This about That;  They, are my 'chosen ones', they who 'speak' for Me.  You don't think I can do all this soul saving by myself, do you?  I need Help!  And, it takes a lot of M$O$N$E$Y to keep this thing going!  Sometimes I just gotta 'look the other way' when some of my 'mouth pieces' stuff their pockets and get uppity like they do.  It's the price of doing business!   Now, some of you are asking waaaaay too many questions about stuff that's none of your business!   Good 'sheep' Follow like good sheep are supposed to do, and if you don't 'follow' and keep the $$$ flow flowing, then you become a burden instead of an ASSet to me, and then I gotta cut my lo$$es.  You're lucky I don't Zap you with one of my niffty 'Sky Tasers'!!  Peel your sorry butts off that pew and don't let the door whack your be-hind on the way out!   So sayeth I!'