Welcome To Your Thursday Morning 'National Security Briefing'
Ok everyone please take your seats and we'll get started with todays 'Security' briefing. Would everyone who Is in attendance please raise your hands. Thank you. And now if there is Anyone who is Not in attendance please raise Your hand. Thank you Mr.Trump. Oh, would someone please have security escort Mr. Trumps daughter from the room.
As usual, our President-elect has chosen to forego his not important to him, security briefing but we shall just pretend that he Is here, and carry on. Perhaps someone would like to take notes for him? First, we will have a short geography lesson.
So, Mr.Trump, just FYI; If you were actually Here this morning you would see in front of you a World Map. That's Us right there in the center of North America, your new 'kingdom' as you so smuggly surmise. And right down there to the left is the country from whence most of your hired help 'immigrats' from, you know, the place where you plan to build that crazy wall. Way down below That you would see all those pesky South American countries where most of our Other illegals travel from these days. A Few of those countries like us, but most really Don't because we have historically treated them with great disdain and much trickery, neither of which has actually helped them in Any constructive way so to make up for the 'love' we don't provide them they get it from our enemies on the other side of the world, or they just make up their Own. To the eastern tip of Florida you would see a tiny little hornets nest of an Island country called Cuba. We used to 'own' it in a fashion, by Force of course, one time long ago. Actually we Still 'own' a corner of it where we have a snappy little terrorist prison. This little Island in the Atlantic Ocean is still ruled by a communist dictator. Imagine That! And only about 65 miles away. We have not been very nice to these people either but it's tough to cozy up to a ruthless dictator. More about That later.
So, on This side of the World there's not much going on that's of an earth shattering nature. We are still one of the wealthiest nations on the planet, and yet millions of our citizens are suffering in poverty, and millions are homeless and hungry. The southern border Is an issue but it's not exactly getting us killed all over the place. What Is getting us Killed, litterly, are Americans themselves. Yes, Mr.Trump, Americans are murdering Americans by the Thousands, and thousands, without let-up every year. We shoot, we stab, we bludgeon, we slaughter, sometimes accidentally, but mostly by design. We shoot, we cry, we re-load and shoot again. And there appears to be no end in sight, and no 'cure' for this 'killing disease' that has seemingly infected our nation. We live by the gun, we die by the gun. We still live in that 'cow-boy' era mentality where we settle conflict not with words, but with guns. Contrary to hysterical belief, ISIS is Not our biggest threat at the moment. It is simply We, ourselves. We are our Own worst enemy. We actually Allow thousands of Documented American Born radical anti-government, Armed militia members that evoke the overthrow of our government and Constitution, to exist and train right here inside our borders, and yet we cringe at the thought of a Single Un-documented Muslim radical sneaking across our border. We even allow hate groups like the KKK to campaign for, and use our President-elect as their 'poster boy' and hero of the day. We are more afraid of things we Don't See, than of what looks us in the face every day of our lives.
On the Other side of the planet, well, it's just a mess! A total mess. Our country is Utopia in comparrision. Religious persecution, ethnic intolerance, poverty, radicalized religions, and radicalized religious countries, and their 'leaders' creating mayhem, eroding 'freedom of the press', ethnic 'cleansing', government corruption, dictators plying their grisly trade, wars upon wars, Anti-Americanism spreading like wild fire, the Russians on the move to take back former soviet block countries, and world dominance, China rattling sabors, arming their man made Islands and threatening neighbors, North Korea still the secluded starving bully of the east, Iran threatening to develope "nuclear vessels", the UK now like a street urchin looking for a 'home'.
Of course Mr.President-elect, we are 'sure' that you already 'know' all of this and more, you being so "smart" as you claim to be, and that you have your finger on the 'pulse' of the world, and no need to attend these 'boring' meetings. So really there's no need for us to go on, and on, boring you to tears, saying the same old thing with the same words everyday with these silly time wasting briefings that pull you away from running your private businesses, and your gold plated personal life. God forbid that you should actually 'start' acting like a soon to be President instead of an egomaniac trying to start a fantasyland dynasty. Because as you have plainly put it, “I’m, like, a smart person. I don’t have to be told the same thing in the same words every single day for the next eight years – could be eight years. … I don’t need that.”“But I do say: ‘If something should change, let us know,’”.
Very well then Mr. Trump, we'll just continue with our daily briefings because right Now the Real President of the United States will continue to be in attendance. We can't imagine why we would 'need' you anyway, as it is highly unlikely that you would even have a Clue as to what you should do about anything in the first place.
So, this concludes todays briefing, may the saints be with us all.
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