How Dare Canada Burn Down Our Sacred 'White House'!

'Oh, you 'really' want to know why I think Canada is a "Security Threat"? Well, I thought you'd never ask. Ok, now pay attention, I'm gonna say this reallll slowwww so that your Canadian brain can comprehend my learned words. You 'know' why I'm President, right? Well, it's not because I'm your average dolt. I'm surprised that you have no knowledge of American history. You 'look' like a smart guy but obviously you can't judge a 'book' by its cover. You know, I was gonna visit Canada one time but I get sea sick too easily if I'm on an Ocean Liner too long. Yuk! Can't do it. Do they speak English there? Anyway, I'll just reel off a few instances of the times in our sacred history of when Canada messed with America. Well, the biggest, but not the latest was during the War of 1812. Disgusting! Terrible! And what about the time Canada burned down our sacred White House!? How about That one!! We taught you a lesson you'll not forget anytime soon...or have you? And how about that time Canada sent troops to side with the Confederates during the Civil War? Bad! Unforgivable! And that time Canada tried to invade America across the Great Lakes, and George Washington sank your ships, and made your sailors swim back to Canada? Remember that one?? And you 'ask' why I think Canada s a Security Threat" to America!?? I think I've explained it clearly enough! Ask no more.
Did I mention that I passed a third grade 'Brain test' one time? See, that's why I'm so 'smart', that's why every single American voted for me to be their personal representative, and to speak for them when it comes to important matter like this. 'Trust' me, I 'know' what I'm doing. That's why I President of America, and you're not.' ;)


See More

About this article

slate.com

When Asked How Canada Can Be Seen as a Security Threat, Trump Brings Up the War of 1812

Justin Trudeau's tactic is provocative, but also pretty disingenuous.