'Awww, come on folks, just because I'm your esteemed, learned, Attorney General doesn't mean that I have to have even half a brain too. Actually, I fill the empty side of my head with holy scriptures! Yep, got it crammed full of documented 'words' from jesus himself. You see, when you look in the holy book, and for you Evangelical Christians out there, the 'holy book' is of course our nations 'guide book', the Holy Bible, and when you see words printed in Red, that's what we refer to as the words that 'God' himself has spoken. Yeah, I know some will ask, 'now how in the world do you 'know' that this 'god' actually said those 'words'?' I'll explain more about that later on. Anyway, that way, any time I need to justify something that just boggles the imagination I just reach right into my brain, and yank out a real doozy which really shuts down anyone who might be tossing common sense on my latest idiot fire.
Take this silly immigration firestorm that's really scorching my sorry butt. The way I can justify seperating children from their law breaking parents is by quoting some really great scripture, remember those words printed in Red in our nations morality guide book, our holy Bible? Oh look, here's one that I just pulled out of my half empty head; "Persons who violate the law of our nation are subject to prosecution. I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his clear and wise command in Romans 13 to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained them for the purpose of order." Orderly and lawful processes are good in themselves and protect the weak and lawful." There! You see, it's all very clear to you now just where jesus stands on this matter. He makes it plain as daylight for us to understand how things are supposed to work. If we just follow the 'laws' of the bible instead of using common sense, then everything will work out as he has planned for us. There's no reason to use 'reason', no sense in using 'common sense', and quite illogical to use any sort of 'logic' when all we have to do is follow the rules in our nations holy guide book. I refer to it everytime I have to make a decision that might affect our country. It's god's way, or the highway, folks! God wrote that guide book just for America, and if we don't start paying attention to it, he is gonna whack us so hard! Even Sara Sanders, my bosses mouthpiece, agrees with me on this. Just recently she wisely said, it's "very biblical to enforce the law." "That is actually repeated a number of times throughout the Bible,". So, you 'see'? Now, would she lie about something as sacred at that? Not that I 'know' of. She's a pretty smart cookie, she always knows the 'right' things to say about things that need the right thing said. Well, I must retire now to my private foil lined closet for a bit of 'scripture' reading, never know when I'll need another shutt'em up scripture doozy to win an arguement. Praise the lord!'
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Take this silly immigration firestorm that's really scorching my sorry butt. The way I can justify seperating children from their law breaking parents is by quoting some really great scripture, remember those words printed in Red in our nations morality guide book, our holy Bible? Oh look, here's one that I just pulled out of my half empty head; "Persons who violate the law of our nation are subject to prosecution. I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his clear and wise command in Romans 13 to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained them for the purpose of order." Orderly and lawful processes are good in themselves and protect the weak and lawful." There! You see, it's all very clear to you now just where jesus stands on this matter. He makes it plain as daylight for us to understand how things are supposed to work. If we just follow the 'laws' of the bible instead of using common sense, then everything will work out as he has planned for us. There's no reason to use 'reason', no sense in using 'common sense', and quite illogical to use any sort of 'logic' when all we have to do is follow the rules in our nations holy guide book. I refer to it everytime I have to make a decision that might affect our country. It's god's way, or the highway, folks! God wrote that guide book just for America, and if we don't start paying attention to it, he is gonna whack us so hard! Even Sara Sanders, my bosses mouthpiece, agrees with me on this. Just recently she wisely said, it's "very biblical to enforce the law." "That is actually repeated a number of times throughout the Bible,". So, you 'see'? Now, would she lie about something as sacred at that? Not that I 'know' of. She's a pretty smart cookie, she always knows the 'right' things to say about things that need the right thing said. Well, I must retire now to my private foil lined closet for a bit of 'scripture' reading, never know when I'll need another shutt'em up scripture doozy to win an arguement. Praise the lord!'
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