'My Dear Honorably, Your Highness, Mr. Mueller, such a 'pleasure' meeting you. Really. I'm not telling a lie.
First let me say what a wonderful family guy you are. I really respect that in a semi-politician. And your skills at 'investigations'! Whoa! Hard to beat! Columbo move over!Love it. Love ya dude.
Look Mueller, let's cut to the chase here, we're both businessmen, and great negotiators. I know we can work out a 'deal' here. Really Big deal! For some unknown reason, probably initiated by that horrible Clinton woman, "Disgusting liar", rumor has it that you are investigating my wonderfully, guiltless family and I. How can this be, I wonder, into the late of night, how? Look, even though I have immunity, and can't even be convicted of a crime, I'll pay all those outstanding parking tickets! My checks are good. Lots of money! Check's in the mail! I wonder, to no one in particular, how much it would cost to make you go away? Speaking of that disgusting Hillary, every time I think about her, usually only 300-600 times a day, my blood just boils, and I have to head for my top secret closet, and twittle my 'tweeter'. But hey, enough about me, how do you like me now?
I understand that you want to ask some silly questions of me. And you know what, I want to 'answer' certain questions that I have written down for you to peruse. No big rush, we'll go over it right now though, but let me know something tomorrow, I'm a very busy man. Important man. Working lots of secret deals with other despots.
Ok, look at the paper I gave you. You get five questions that you can ask me. Five, and that's it! Don't make me yell at you. Like I said, I don't know what you 'think' I've done, but I assure you I know, at the moment, nothing about anything illegal, not that I would Do anything illegal, you know, like lie about something important. But, anyway, I was in the White House that night, and the other one too. Really. Just ask my wifey, she knows I would never tell a lie. Hardly ever. Sometimes. Once in a while.
So, question Number One;
'Mr. President, Presidente', 'King' In Waiting, Your Majesty, Your Highness, how large was the crowd of happy, Republican winners that attended your 'crowning' ceremony? (hint for the interviewer: 6 million)'
Number Two;
'Mr. Presidente', Is your luxurious, gold plated, private passenger jet bigger than the disgusting airplane you are now forced to fly in?'
Number Three;
'Your Highness, If you saw a drowning, but beautiful, hot actress, and if you were able to save her, where would you "grab" her?'
Number Four;
'Your Majesty, If you had a choice to be any where else but here right now, which golf course would it be at? (hint for interviewer: remember to bow occasionally)
Number Five; (hint for interviewer: LAST question!!)'
'Mr. King-In-Waiting, congradulations on winning the friendship of all the worlds dispicable dictators, and saving the whole world from an armageddon, you're the man! How many millions, and millions, and millions of fans do you have on Twitter? (hint for interviewer; 800million)'.
Well, that's all the time I have Mr. Mueller, I'm a busy businessman type of World leader. Busy, busy, busy. Busy bee. All the kings horses, and all the kings men...huge numbers, millions, all those cameras, all my fans, everyone loves me, I'm the Man.'
First let me say what a wonderful family guy you are. I really respect that in a semi-politician. And your skills at 'investigations'! Whoa! Hard to beat! Columbo move over!Love it. Love ya dude.
Look Mueller, let's cut to the chase here, we're both businessmen, and great negotiators. I know we can work out a 'deal' here. Really Big deal! For some unknown reason, probably initiated by that horrible Clinton woman, "Disgusting liar", rumor has it that you are investigating my wonderfully, guiltless family and I. How can this be, I wonder, into the late of night, how? Look, even though I have immunity, and can't even be convicted of a crime, I'll pay all those outstanding parking tickets! My checks are good. Lots of money! Check's in the mail! I wonder, to no one in particular, how much it would cost to make you go away? Speaking of that disgusting Hillary, every time I think about her, usually only 300-600 times a day, my blood just boils, and I have to head for my top secret closet, and twittle my 'tweeter'. But hey, enough about me, how do you like me now?
I understand that you want to ask some silly questions of me. And you know what, I want to 'answer' certain questions that I have written down for you to peruse. No big rush, we'll go over it right now though, but let me know something tomorrow, I'm a very busy man. Important man. Working lots of secret deals with other despots.
Ok, look at the paper I gave you. You get five questions that you can ask me. Five, and that's it! Don't make me yell at you. Like I said, I don't know what you 'think' I've done, but I assure you I know, at the moment, nothing about anything illegal, not that I would Do anything illegal, you know, like lie about something important. But, anyway, I was in the White House that night, and the other one too. Really. Just ask my wifey, she knows I would never tell a lie. Hardly ever. Sometimes. Once in a while.
So, question Number One;
'Mr. President, Presidente', 'King' In Waiting, Your Majesty, Your Highness, how large was the crowd of happy, Republican winners that attended your 'crowning' ceremony? (hint for the interviewer: 6 million)'
Number Two;
'Mr. Presidente', Is your luxurious, gold plated, private passenger jet bigger than the disgusting airplane you are now forced to fly in?'
Number Three;
'Your Highness, If you saw a drowning, but beautiful, hot actress, and if you were able to save her, where would you "grab" her?'
Number Four;
'Your Majesty, If you had a choice to be any where else but here right now, which golf course would it be at? (hint for interviewer: remember to bow occasionally)
Number Five; (hint for interviewer: LAST question!!)'
'Mr. King-In-Waiting, congradulations on winning the friendship of all the worlds dispicable dictators, and saving the whole world from an armageddon, you're the man! How many millions, and millions, and millions of fans do you have on Twitter? (hint for interviewer; 800million)'.
Well, that's all the time I have Mr. Mueller, I'm a busy businessman type of World leader. Busy, busy, busy. Busy bee. All the kings horses, and all the kings men...huge numbers, millions, all those cameras, all my fans, everyone loves me, I'm the Man.'
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