You know, I've always wanted, even from when I was just a little bitty knuckle duster, to be a real life Russian. And Now look, here I am hob-knobbing with my fellow citizen pal, chitt-chatting about stuff like, 'Hey dude, what color 'belt' do You have bro?' Of course all my belts are black ones which makes Me the winner. Oh, I'm 'sure' that Vlad has a black belt as well, most likely the one that holds his pants up, haha. Seriously though, Vlad and I have more in common than just being Russians. We both like pretty much the same stuff. Well, mostly stuff that involves martial arts, food, of which I think I'm eating a bit too much of, and of course Russian Women, which you can't Get enough of. But there's Other things I like about my FWB besides him idolizing me. Some ignorant, misinformed people think that my good friend Vlad is some sort of tyranical, eglomaniac who's eyeing the whole world as his potential personal 'dinner plate'. Some think that he wants to control the Middle East and make it a mini soviet block state. Some ignorant people think that he wants to create a situation that would prompt a U.S. military attack on Russia. Well, let me set the record 'straight' on all those concerns. Nothing could be further from the 'truth'! He is the most friendly, personable, giving person I have Ever been lucky enough to be FWB's with. I have Never seen him attack another country, without being invited of course, or take Over another country without good reason. He is such a good person! He has absolutly No 'hidden' agendas, and no tricks up his sleeve. He's 'honest', and never tells an untruth without provocation. Like, right Now he has sent two or three cargo type airplanes to Syria to help that countries governments 'relief mission' operation, to drop lots of 'food' and other 'supplies' to the starving people who are being bombed to death by American war planes. As soon as he has saved all those starving people he will donate millions of rubles to help rebuild all the damage caused by Other countries there. Oh, and you know that little country Ukraine? Well, They were busy militarizing the Crimea, getting ready to invade Russia! What Were they 'thinking'!? Vlad told them to stop it already, and just go away, but his pleas fell on deaf revolting ears. So to protect the Russian people who live there, And the country of Russia itself, he simply 'annexed' Crimia 'temporaraly'. He's gonna give it right back to Ukraine pretty soon, after he makes sure everyone there has plenty of food, oil, gas, and stuff they need to survive without Russia's help. What a nice benevolent kinda guy! My BFF Vlad, the Man.
I'm gonna have lunch with America's soon to be President Trump, who I admire amost as much as Vlad, and have him make Vlad a U.S. citizen. Wouldn't that be just cool!? I'm on a mission to make my mother country Russia, and my father country America to be the best of pals. America could help Russia build ships, and planes, Russia could help America with stopping those annoying computor hackers, wherever those are coming from, and Vlad say's it's 'certainly' Not coming from Russia. Just like in martial arts everyone will be 'friends', respect each other, bow to one another, and never actually hit each other in the face. Of course trump is Not by Any stretch of the imagination, a virol, manly example of my FWB Vlad, but he'll have to do for now. You'll never see Trump on horseback, or swimming across the Potomic, that's for sure!
Did I mention that I have lots of 'Black Belts' in martial arts? Of course I've never Ever Been in a 'real' martial arts fight, you know like that UFC blood letting stuff, but boy can I teach it! You see, I'm more of an 'actor' kind of a 'fighter'. You know, movies, and pretend stuff. My overweight face is Way too pretty to let someone kick it to a messy pulp. Oh, and hey, I was a cop once. Yep. Well, sorta. More like a 'reserve' cop with movie cameras following me around all the time. You know, Reality TV, like Trump, that sort of thing. That didn't work out too long though. I'm Just like my pal Trump, a pretender kinda guy. Unlike my FWB Vlad, who's a Real person. No pretending There! We're gonna be BFF-FWB's forever, and Ever, cross my brand new transplanted Russian heart. I'm one cool guy, Oscar land, here I come!'
;)
Entertainment
Vladimir Putin grants Russian citizenship to U.S. actor Steven Seagal
Dmitry Peskov, Kremlin spokesman
Seagal did not immediately comment, though he has previously offered fulsome praise of Putin in numerous appearances on Russian state media. Seagal called Putin "one of the greatest world leaders if not the greatest world leader alive today" in a 2013 interview with the Russian state-owned TV channel RT. "He cares more about Russia than anybody I know and he's not afraid to stand up and do what needs to get done."
Summarized by
Yahoo News Digest
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