Buddy's Satirical Ramblings: 'I Tell you, I'm Not Totally Insane!'

'I tell you I'm as 'sane' as any one person that slithers around in this political swamp that I have created! Sane, I tell you!! Sane!! How dare anyone who doesn't really 'know' me to insinuate that I, of all people, your esteemed President, your Commander-In-Chief, the 'leader' of the almost free world, the most truthful, honest, transparent, intellegent, smart, kind, thrifty, benevolent kinda guy, accuse me of being insane. I mean really, what would lead otherwise 'seemingly' intellegent people to draw such conclusions? "Fake news". Have I not been truthful in all my tweet sessions? Hey folks, this is 'me'! This is what you get from the Electoral College vote. WTH did you expect!? Come on folks! You knew I was a sleeze when you took me in, and now you complain? I tell you I am a "very stable genius". I am I tell you, I am!!! Everyone tells me that! I'm actually smarter than a border collie! “Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart,” plus, I'm a “VERY successful businessman”. Did I mention that I was a great television star who won the Presidency on my first try? Great actor! The first one already! Incredible numbers! Millions and millions of people stood in long lines to vote for me! Ten million more than voted for that disgusting hillery! “I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius....and a very stable genius at that!” I am so stable! Do I look crazy to you?? Well?? I'm smarter than my sniviling underling, Pence, 'The Useless', but I still like that guy, he has a hook with Jesus, lots of voters there. I'm so smart that I know how to trick people into doing things that would get me fired, and my name never comes up, and they take the fall. Genius! That makes me smarter than everyone else. That's why I'm President, and they aren't! Now does that sound like someone who's insane? Disgusting weak people! Sad. So sad.' Did I mention that my Nuclear Button is the biggest button in the whole wide world? It is! You should see it! Well, actually you can't see it because it's top secret. But boy is it ever big! I have it right here in my coat pocket. I like the way it feels warm against my thigh. I like that. I could just reach down and whack it right now, if I wanted to. Is my tie straight? I think my hair is frozen. I don't know who these guys in trench coats are, but they follow me around everywhere I go! Where's Kelly? Kelly!??'