'Oh they were sinning alright! That whole town was just flowing over with fornicators, thieves, robbers, home breakers, sodomites, heretics, DEMONcrats, un-believers, naked people, women in thongs and see thru t-shirts, godless children, un-licensed cats, women in thongs and see thru t-shirts, OMG, what a sinful place that was. That is until god got wind of it all and decided to toss a little punishment their way in the form of one giant 'waterfall'. And guess what, Florida, you're next on his hit list. Hey, it could have been worse. At first he was thinking about doing a 30 day thing. So you see, when you 'sin', god's gonna throw some well deserved "judgment" your way. "Just remember, God gets the last word,” “God gets the last word. Be not deceived, God is not mocked.” He likes to use Mother nature as his vehicle to deliver 'hell on earth', as he likes to call it. You don't mess around with the 'Man'! He see's everything we do down here on earth. Well, except for 'me', because my 'closet' is lined with foil. Just a little privacy thing you know.
But look folks, as bad as things 'seem', it ain't all bad. Look what I have for you, and I don't care if you're a sinner or not, as long as your money is USA cash! Now lets imagine for a minute that you are unlucky enough to be caught in some sinful place, well, like Houston for example, or perhaps a restroom in some park when god decides to totally destroy the place including innocent women, children, babies, that sort of thing. Well, bad luck for 'you', but you're gonna need a 'survival' kit, that is if your are even still alive afterwards. And wouldn't you 'know', I have just the thing to get you through it until the next one comes along. I call it the 'Tasty Pantry', and for only $175 bucks plus only $200 shipping fees, I'll send one of these hot off the shelf kits right to your door, that is if you even still have a door left. But send it I will! Here's what you get for your money, which by the way, 'every' single penny of it will go towards 'stuff'. Hey, it costs a lot of $money$ to stay on the right side of god, and just like you I want to be on the 'comfortable' side. So here's what you get; This nice PVC, made in China, bucket, which in an emergency will hold five whole gallons of water, or human poop, whichever comes first, one bag of skittles, I 'think' it's skittles, it's written in Chinese, one 18" bungee cord, one pair of size 18, fits all, flip-flops, one dog whistle, one pen-light flashlight, takes one triple A battery not included, one miniature Frisbee, one street map of Hong Kong, and one Gidions Bible written in Arabic, translated in India, printed in Viet Nam. If you order now, you'll receive a free Jesus bobblehead statute for the dash of your mud filled car, and a snappy 'Right Winger' manifesto. So, be the first on what's left of your block to proudly own and display this fantastic 'survival kit'! Oh, be sure to send in your 'tithes' to the Jim Baker Show, and I'll send it straight to Jesus. Praise the lord and pass the 'plate'.'
But look folks, as bad as things 'seem', it ain't all bad. Look what I have for you, and I don't care if you're a sinner or not, as long as your money is USA cash! Now lets imagine for a minute that you are unlucky enough to be caught in some sinful place, well, like Houston for example, or perhaps a restroom in some park when god decides to totally destroy the place including innocent women, children, babies, that sort of thing. Well, bad luck for 'you', but you're gonna need a 'survival' kit, that is if your are even still alive afterwards. And wouldn't you 'know', I have just the thing to get you through it until the next one comes along. I call it the 'Tasty Pantry', and for only $175 bucks plus only $200 shipping fees, I'll send one of these hot off the shelf kits right to your door, that is if you even still have a door left. But send it I will! Here's what you get for your money, which by the way, 'every' single penny of it will go towards 'stuff'. Hey, it costs a lot of $money$ to stay on the right side of god, and just like you I want to be on the 'comfortable' side. So here's what you get; This nice PVC, made in China, bucket, which in an emergency will hold five whole gallons of water, or human poop, whichever comes first, one bag of skittles, I 'think' it's skittles, it's written in Chinese, one 18" bungee cord, one pair of size 18, fits all, flip-flops, one dog whistle, one pen-light flashlight, takes one triple A battery not included, one miniature Frisbee, one street map of Hong Kong, and one Gidions Bible written in Arabic, translated in India, printed in Viet Nam. If you order now, you'll receive a free Jesus bobblehead statute for the dash of your mud filled car, and a snappy 'Right Winger' manifesto. So, be the first on what's left of your block to proudly own and display this fantastic 'survival kit'! Oh, be sure to send in your 'tithes' to the Jim Baker Show, and I'll send it straight to Jesus. Praise the lord and pass the 'plate'.'
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