'Yeah, you see, It's like this, I just happen to 'know' exactly how "old" the Earth actually is. Well actually, at first I thought it was a little 'younger' than that, but then I got to studying, and misinterpreting, and taking out of context while substituting my Own version of 'reality' for it's lack of same, along with a good measure of 'cherry picking' from my "Alternative" 'science' handbook, my ever ready, trusty dusty, reliable as a 'politician', Bible. And what better 'scientific' journal, what better 'scholarly' and well documented novel of worldly 'knowledge' to refer to when questions of this sort are posed by a heathen population of blasphemous un-believers, than my fable rousing Bible!
And so after a thorough 'scientific' investigation I have officially, well, you know, what with me being an official government official, and all that stuff, I have determined beyond a reasonable shadow of 'doubt', without exception, beyond question even, that this here Earth that we reside upon, is exactly Six Thousand years old, or 'young' as the case may be. So, let there be no more doubt by the un-saved doubters, those un-believers, those devil filled killers of Christ Almighty in Heaven, those heathen horned heretics who despoil 'His' name, those "fake news' so-called 'scientists', because I have spoken the 'truth' as only a good lemming of God can speak, and "..that's a fact". Did I mention that human people walked along beside dinosaurs back then? They did. And they did so in perfect peace. In fact, those folks tamed them animals just like dogs. And then one day they woke up and the dinosaurs were all gone. Just like that. Jesus decided he wanted them in heaven so he up and killed all of'em, and then he turned them all into 'stone', and buried them. Not only was he a great 'fisherman', he was also a snappy 'stonemason'. Jesus giveth, Jesus taketh away.
So, as I was 'saying' earlier, I think America, which by the way is a "Christian Nation", especially my learned state of Wisconsin, needs a law that 'protects' freedom of speech on the campus of University of Wisconsin that prevents protestors who disagree with things they don't agree with, from voicing their own opinions in public forums while on campus. I think I'll call it the, "Campus Free Speech Act", yeah, that's pretty snappy, I like that one, and as long as no one actually reads the whole thing, or even gives it a second thought, it'll look good from a glance, and everyone will actually think I'm trying to promote 'Freedom of Speech' in America. What a hoot! That's what separates us devoted, and fanatical followers of 'Republicanism' 'religion' from mainstream sane Americans.
Well, I gotta run along now, more pots to stir, more fires to start, more brains that must be turned into 'religious' mush, and you know what, I'm just the guy to do that, and I'm proud to be the self appointed, and Jesus anointed, 'poster boy' of insanity for the State of Wisconsin, and you know what, I might be coming to fill a spot in my hero's Cabinet soon, and I approve this attack on 'Freedom of Speech', or my name isn't Jesse Kremer.'
And so after a thorough 'scientific' investigation I have officially, well, you know, what with me being an official government official, and all that stuff, I have determined beyond a reasonable shadow of 'doubt', without exception, beyond question even, that this here Earth that we reside upon, is exactly Six Thousand years old, or 'young' as the case may be. So, let there be no more doubt by the un-saved doubters, those un-believers, those devil filled killers of Christ Almighty in Heaven, those heathen horned heretics who despoil 'His' name, those "fake news' so-called 'scientists', because I have spoken the 'truth' as only a good lemming of God can speak, and "..that's a fact". Did I mention that human people walked along beside dinosaurs back then? They did. And they did so in perfect peace. In fact, those folks tamed them animals just like dogs. And then one day they woke up and the dinosaurs were all gone. Just like that. Jesus decided he wanted them in heaven so he up and killed all of'em, and then he turned them all into 'stone', and buried them. Not only was he a great 'fisherman', he was also a snappy 'stonemason'. Jesus giveth, Jesus taketh away.
So, as I was 'saying' earlier, I think America, which by the way is a "Christian Nation", especially my learned state of Wisconsin, needs a law that 'protects' freedom of speech on the campus of University of Wisconsin that prevents protestors who disagree with things they don't agree with, from voicing their own opinions in public forums while on campus. I think I'll call it the, "Campus Free Speech Act", yeah, that's pretty snappy, I like that one, and as long as no one actually reads the whole thing, or even gives it a second thought, it'll look good from a glance, and everyone will actually think I'm trying to promote 'Freedom of Speech' in America. What a hoot! That's what separates us devoted, and fanatical followers of 'Republicanism' 'religion' from mainstream sane Americans.
Well, I gotta run along now, more pots to stir, more fires to start, more brains that must be turned into 'religious' mush, and you know what, I'm just the guy to do that, and I'm proud to be the self appointed, and Jesus anointed, 'poster boy' of insanity for the State of Wisconsin, and you know what, I might be coming to fill a spot in my hero's Cabinet soon, and I approve this attack on 'Freedom of Speech', or my name isn't Jesse Kremer.'
While leading an attack on academic freedom at the University of Wisconsin, Rep. Jesse Kremer says he is certain the Earth is 6,000 years old.
patheos.com|By Progressive Secular Humanist Examiner
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