BREAKING 'NEWS'! 'NEWS' ALERT!
'REPORT' of A MASS SHOOTING!
This breaking 'news;' brought straight to you from the scene by the only 'News' source you can always trust, 'BBSN' (BuddyBlacksSatiricalNews)
Now, lets take you to the scene where our vaunted 'News' guy BuddyBlack (BB) has the very latest coverage of a horrific, mass shooting incident which occurred just moments ago in a 'Food Scrapes R Us' food store in the open carry, 'Gunslinger' state of Ohio, where if you have even a recordable heartbeat it is now very legal to openly carry your favorite firearm with you, practically anywhere one wishes. BuddyBlack, what can you tell us about this latest bloodletting incident?
Yes, a terrible morning Bob. Terrible indeed!
I'm here in the local 'Food Scrapes R Us' Food Mart where the haze of fresh gun smoke, and the acrid smell of cordite still hangs in the air from an incredible but all too inevitable shoot-out between 'good guys' v 'bad guys' that has left numerious shoppers dead or wounded. Bob, I was actually right here in the store when this grisly incident took place! I was standing in a self 'check-out' lane minding my own business when I witnessed this horrifically devestating, terrifying shoot-out that would rival the gunfight at the OK Corral many times over. Like I said, there I was Bob, standing in line minding my own business, thinking of nothing in particular, when all of a sudden a deafening shot rang out three check-out lanes to my right. That shot was quickly followed by a seemingly endless volley after volley of more gun shots that rang out throughout the store. Bullets were indiscriminately tearing through merchandise and shoppers alike, bullets that seemed destined to find more 'living' targets than not. Then after what seemed an eternity, all was quiet but for the incredible ringing in my ears, and then came the moaning, and crying, of the still living and wounded shoppers. A baby crying for its mother at one end of the store sounded like a lost kitten, and then the screeching of the P.A. system, and someone begging their god for help, the wailing of the fire alarm siren and the damaged fire sprinkler heads spraying ice cold water like a mini monsoon. Almost as quickly, the store was flooded with police Officers, yelling for people to "get down on the floor", "show me your hands", "drop your weapons", "put the gun down", "drop your guns!!" The Police had their own guns drawn, on high alert as they were intent on capturing whatever 'bad guys' that were responsible for this instant carnage. Then, more shots reverberated through-out the store, this time emanating from the police Officers weapons themselves as they apparently encountered armed 'bad guys', or armed 'shoppers' as the case may be, throughout the store.
Right now Bob, from what I am able to discern it appears that at least 23 people have been shot, some obviously dead and many wounded by the ensuing gunfire from start to finish. The number of 'victims' will surely rise as the search and count continues. What a horrible sight Bob! Nightmares are surely made of this! Sometimes when we hear on the news of someone 'wounded' by gunfire, we tend to think not much more than a little hole, or a grazing wound that a little band-aide will fix. But let me put that dreamy notion to sleep Bob! Bullets are super-sonic 'missiles' straight from the bowels of hell! I saw arms, and legs shredded, limbs severed, bodies blown apart, intestines hanging out onto the floor, heads exploded, and brains exposed like bloody mush! Rivers of crimson blood mixed with the cascading fire sprinklers flowed throughout the store! There's no such things as a John Wayne 'flesh wound' with real bullets! Guns don't kill people, murderous 'bullets' kill people Bob!
Here's an update Bob! I have just spoken with a police spokesperson who told me the following; Right now, It appears that initially, a legal gun carrying customer accidentally dropped his pistol from his sweatpants waistband, which discharged upon hitting the floor. The bullet from that discharge struck a customer standing in the 'Customer Service' section at the front of the store. As the owner of the dropped gun picked his gun up, another armed customer 'good guy', thought he was witnessing an armed robbery by a 'bad guy', so he drew his own trusty six-shooter, and fired five or six times at the first guy. His errant bullets missed its mark striking an innocent, but also legal gun carrying bystander who was still able to un sling his short barreled M-4 rifle releasing approximatly 20 rounds in the general direction of what he thought was a terrorist attack. Then, another legal carry customer pulled out his high capacity magazine, semi automatic pistol ,and began shooting at the rifleman thinking the store was being invaded by a street gang, but he, himself, was then shot by a customer who thought an anti-government militia was holding customers hostage. This initiated gunfire from even more armed 'good guy' customers with guns, who began firing at anyone they suspected of being a 'bad guy' with guns. Then, when the Police, responding to 911 reports of numerous 'bad guys' with guns shooting up the store, arrived, they encountered numerous people holding still smoking guns in hand, some even still shooting at perceived 'bad guys'. The Police could only assume that these armed people were the 'bad guys' with guns, whereupon in defense of themselves, and the public in general, in a still fluid 'active shooter' scene, they took immediate action to end the perceived threats posed to themselves, and the public, by armed 'bad guys', which simply inadvertantly added to the casuality toll, which included both civilians, and police officers.
This horrible, yet avoidable, senseless tragedy certainly won't be the last of its kind in our newly expanded 'gun totting' paronoid society, where even a 'good guy' with a gun, could turn out being the 'bad guy' with a gun, and where the best way to stop a 'good guy' with a gun, is a 'good guy' with a gun.
This is your still shaken 'reporter' BuddyBlack signing off for now Bob, and seriously considering the 'Home delivery' option from now on.
'REPORT' of A MASS SHOOTING!
This breaking 'news;' brought straight to you from the scene by the only 'News' source you can always trust, 'BBSN' (BuddyBlacksSatiricalNews)
Now, lets take you to the scene where our vaunted 'News' guy BuddyBlack (BB) has the very latest coverage of a horrific, mass shooting incident which occurred just moments ago in a 'Food Scrapes R Us' food store in the open carry, 'Gunslinger' state of Ohio, where if you have even a recordable heartbeat it is now very legal to openly carry your favorite firearm with you, practically anywhere one wishes. BuddyBlack, what can you tell us about this latest bloodletting incident?
Yes, a terrible morning Bob. Terrible indeed!
I'm here in the local 'Food Scrapes R Us' Food Mart where the haze of fresh gun smoke, and the acrid smell of cordite still hangs in the air from an incredible but all too inevitable shoot-out between 'good guys' v 'bad guys' that has left numerious shoppers dead or wounded. Bob, I was actually right here in the store when this grisly incident took place! I was standing in a self 'check-out' lane minding my own business when I witnessed this horrifically devestating, terrifying shoot-out that would rival the gunfight at the OK Corral many times over. Like I said, there I was Bob, standing in line minding my own business, thinking of nothing in particular, when all of a sudden a deafening shot rang out three check-out lanes to my right. That shot was quickly followed by a seemingly endless volley after volley of more gun shots that rang out throughout the store. Bullets were indiscriminately tearing through merchandise and shoppers alike, bullets that seemed destined to find more 'living' targets than not. Then after what seemed an eternity, all was quiet but for the incredible ringing in my ears, and then came the moaning, and crying, of the still living and wounded shoppers. A baby crying for its mother at one end of the store sounded like a lost kitten, and then the screeching of the P.A. system, and someone begging their god for help, the wailing of the fire alarm siren and the damaged fire sprinkler heads spraying ice cold water like a mini monsoon. Almost as quickly, the store was flooded with police Officers, yelling for people to "get down on the floor", "show me your hands", "drop your weapons", "put the gun down", "drop your guns!!" The Police had their own guns drawn, on high alert as they were intent on capturing whatever 'bad guys' that were responsible for this instant carnage. Then, more shots reverberated through-out the store, this time emanating from the police Officers weapons themselves as they apparently encountered armed 'bad guys', or armed 'shoppers' as the case may be, throughout the store.
Right now Bob, from what I am able to discern it appears that at least 23 people have been shot, some obviously dead and many wounded by the ensuing gunfire from start to finish. The number of 'victims' will surely rise as the search and count continues. What a horrible sight Bob! Nightmares are surely made of this! Sometimes when we hear on the news of someone 'wounded' by gunfire, we tend to think not much more than a little hole, or a grazing wound that a little band-aide will fix. But let me put that dreamy notion to sleep Bob! Bullets are super-sonic 'missiles' straight from the bowels of hell! I saw arms, and legs shredded, limbs severed, bodies blown apart, intestines hanging out onto the floor, heads exploded, and brains exposed like bloody mush! Rivers of crimson blood mixed with the cascading fire sprinklers flowed throughout the store! There's no such things as a John Wayne 'flesh wound' with real bullets! Guns don't kill people, murderous 'bullets' kill people Bob!
Here's an update Bob! I have just spoken with a police spokesperson who told me the following; Right now, It appears that initially, a legal gun carrying customer accidentally dropped his pistol from his sweatpants waistband, which discharged upon hitting the floor. The bullet from that discharge struck a customer standing in the 'Customer Service' section at the front of the store. As the owner of the dropped gun picked his gun up, another armed customer 'good guy', thought he was witnessing an armed robbery by a 'bad guy', so he drew his own trusty six-shooter, and fired five or six times at the first guy. His errant bullets missed its mark striking an innocent, but also legal gun carrying bystander who was still able to un sling his short barreled M-4 rifle releasing approximatly 20 rounds in the general direction of what he thought was a terrorist attack. Then, another legal carry customer pulled out his high capacity magazine, semi automatic pistol ,and began shooting at the rifleman thinking the store was being invaded by a street gang, but he, himself, was then shot by a customer who thought an anti-government militia was holding customers hostage. This initiated gunfire from even more armed 'good guy' customers with guns, who began firing at anyone they suspected of being a 'bad guy' with guns. Then, when the Police, responding to 911 reports of numerous 'bad guys' with guns shooting up the store, arrived, they encountered numerous people holding still smoking guns in hand, some even still shooting at perceived 'bad guys'. The Police could only assume that these armed people were the 'bad guys' with guns, whereupon in defense of themselves, and the public in general, in a still fluid 'active shooter' scene, they took immediate action to end the perceived threats posed to themselves, and the public, by armed 'bad guys', which simply inadvertantly added to the casuality toll, which included both civilians, and police officers.
This horrible, yet avoidable, senseless tragedy certainly won't be the last of its kind in our newly expanded 'gun totting' paronoid society, where even a 'good guy' with a gun, could turn out being the 'bad guy' with a gun, and where the best way to stop a 'good guy' with a gun, is a 'good guy' with a gun.
This is your still shaken 'reporter' BuddyBlack signing off for now Bob, and seriously considering the 'Home delivery' option from now on.
