' Hey look folks, this ain't 'Rocket Science' you know. Anybody can do this. You don't even have to be super smart like myself. You can be just a regular dumb assed hokiee from...well, just about anywhere actually. You could even be from where I'm from, or be from somewhere else, or you could be from no place at all. Actually, I don't know where the best place is for a dumb ass to be from. Even smart as I am, I don't know everything. But one thing I do 'know' is that the Earth is flat. Flat as a fritter it is! Or just a regular pancake flat if you don't have a fritter handy. I don't know which I like the best, probably pancakes though, with lots of butter and that make believe syrup. But flat it is alright. You could drive right off the edge of it and fall right off into 'atmosflat'. I don't know where you go after you fall off the edge. Actually I don't know of anyone who has actually fell off, let alone anyone who came back to tell about it. But I do know that you can fall off, that's a 'proven' fact. I read it in my 'Flat Earth' newsletter. I'm gonna blast off in my home made, scrap metal, 'Research' rocketship pretty soon, and go real high up into the sky where I'll be able to see the edge of Earth. I'll even take a picture of it just to prove that I know what I'm talking about. Hey, I'm only about half as dumb as I sound. Well, maybe a little more or less, but hey, who's counting here. I know for a scientific 'fact' that those so-called astronauts that was supposed to have flew off into 'outter space, whatever that's all about, were fake as the10 oclock news. Nobody can go there, even if it existed in the first place, which I know for a 'fact' that it don't. I study our Flat Earth newsletter pretty good, and not much gets past me. That's how I know so much about stuff, and things like that. I'm pretty doggone smart, I am. And besides, if the Earth is round like they say it is, how come a ball don't start rolling when I put it on the ground? It just lays there, still and all. See? That right there 'proves' my point. Shoot, I didn't even have to read up on that one.
"I don't believe in science", and all that goofy made up stuff. I didn't even use any 'science' to build my hot little Inner Space Ship, which will fly at 500 miles per hour, give or take a few hundred miles an hour. I hope I don't go too far up and can't get back because I don't have room for a lunch box. I built this baby in my living room with my very own two hands, ya gotta be pretty smart to do that! Had to knock out a wall to get it out, but hey, I can fix that after my flight. “If you’re not scared to death, you’re an idiot,” which some jealous people claim I am. “It’s scary as hell, but none of us are getting out of this world alive. I like to do extraordinary things that no one else can do, and no one in the history of mankind has designed, built and launched himself in his own rocket, I’m a walking reality show.” Man, I thought my cat was smart, but I'm way ahead of that critter!
I bet I'll make lots of money from this. I'll be famous I reckon. I might even be on the Jerry Springer show, which by the way is the most truthful of all the daytime TV shows, just gotta find me a pregnant ex-girlfriend first. Well, I gotta get busy with a few more things to do. Gotta figure our where to put my brake pedel, and my rear view mirror so's I can see where I've been. Just keep watching the news, I'll be there as much as I can, especially when I prove that the Earth is flat, and that I'm only half as dumb as I sound.'
"I don't believe in science", and all that goofy made up stuff. I didn't even use any 'science' to build my hot little Inner Space Ship, which will fly at 500 miles per hour, give or take a few hundred miles an hour. I hope I don't go too far up and can't get back because I don't have room for a lunch box. I built this baby in my living room with my very own two hands, ya gotta be pretty smart to do that! Had to knock out a wall to get it out, but hey, I can fix that after my flight. “If you’re not scared to death, you’re an idiot,” which some jealous people claim I am. “It’s scary as hell, but none of us are getting out of this world alive. I like to do extraordinary things that no one else can do, and no one in the history of mankind has designed, built and launched himself in his own rocket, I’m a walking reality show.” Man, I thought my cat was smart, but I'm way ahead of that critter!
I bet I'll make lots of money from this. I'll be famous I reckon. I might even be on the Jerry Springer show, which by the way is the most truthful of all the daytime TV shows, just gotta find me a pregnant ex-girlfriend first. Well, I gotta get busy with a few more things to do. Gotta figure our where to put my brake pedel, and my rear view mirror so's I can see where I've been. Just keep watching the news, I'll be there as much as I can, especially when I prove that the Earth is flat, and that I'm only half as dumb as I sound.'
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