'YiiiiiHaa! Member them good ol' days ya'll!? Yes sir ree bob! Thems was tha good ol' days awright! Just as sure as this here tiny little hat screws onto my big fat noggin, thems was the best of times awright. Member how we kept them darkies down on tha farm? Yep, 'bout three hundered years it was. "I think it was great at the time..". Why, I member how happy we all wuz back then when "..our families were strong..", when "..we had slavery..". Everybody was just as happy as a pig in a poke. Them slaves didn't know no better nohow. They wuz glad to have 'job security', always knowin' where they wuz gonna git thar next bite of left over white mans food, never worry'n 'bout havin' a job fer tomorrow. Yep sir! Fat n happy they wuz, fat n happy. Why, they'd all starved right to death if'n we hadn't bought'em up at the slave market! Right to death they would! Back then, "..our families were stong, our country had a direction." And you know whut? If'n ya'll vote fer me, Alabama is gonna have "direction" once again 'cause I'm gonna do everythang I kin do to send our state right back to them good ol' days when people 'knew' thar places. President Trump's gonna vote fer me, and you know what, if'n I'm good'n 'nuf fer him, then you 'know' I'm even better fer you, and our grand backwoods state of Alabama! So folks, if you miss them good ol' days like I do, then get out thar and cast yer vote fer me, the guy who's gonna make Alabama "great again"! 
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