'Ask Buddy', Installment Number 15

'Ask Buddy', Installment Number 15

The mail just flows in from those who can't seem to add two and two together and come up with whatever it adds up to. But, help them we must and here's another example of what we are up against.


Dear Buddy,
Perhaps you can settle a personal quandary of mine.
'Myself' and my two friends are at odds with one another over the craziest thing.
First though, speaking for only 'myself', let me assure you that 'I' am not the least bit 'crazy', although some of my friends might call me so, but I'm not too sure that my friends aren't. In fact, 'I' am told even by complete strangers, some perhaps stranger than 'myself', that 'I' am the smartest of the three of us. But then, that's just 'me'.
Anyway, here's my quandary.
'I' am an avowed 'flat earther'. 'I' know, 'I' know, call 'me' crazy if you must, but it is what it surely is. Right? Now, my two 'friends', who I'm pretty sure, really 'are' crazy, are just as adamant that the earth, according to 'me', is more like a football shape, or perhaps, as 'I' proffers, like an up-side-soup down bowl. Of course, as 'myself', and we all 'know', they are as wrong as the day is long.
Buddy, you strike 'me' as a fairly astute sort of person so, again, speaking only for 'myself', although this is not just about 'me', which do you think of the three of us, 'me, myself or I', is the craziest?
We await with bated breath for your speedy answer,
'Me, Myself, and I', in the 'Show Me State' of Missouri

Dear 'Me, Myself and I',
Abstractly speaking, it has taken me a few minutes to wrap my discombobulated mind around this one!
First, I have a question that has nothing to do with my answer to 'your' question; What in the hell kind of mind-altering medication are you taking!????
Now, I will try to answer your question. It appears that there certainly is a 'conflict' of sorts among you and your 'friends', as you call them. And while it's clear that all three of 'you' are probably crazy as a kangaroo on speed, far be it from me to hang that title on any of you, when simply 'mentioning' it should suffice. I have consulted with my 'Ouija Board', and it appears that all three of 'you' are just as I suspected. I suggest that the three of 'you', or perhaps just 'yourself', take a trip to where 'you' think the edge of the earth may be, then go a little further yet, taking one giant step. I may not hear from 'you' again, so, send pics.
May your earth gods be with you. ;)

'Superstitions' Can Be A Deadly Thing indeed

Oh my! How very 'predictable'.
And a murmur rippled through the surviving congregation, 'The lord has his reasons, the lord has his reasons, praise the lord', and then they secretly prayed for deliverance from their self induced 'plague', but also predictably, their 'prayers' fell on the invisble, and deaf ears of their mythical messiah.
'Superstitions' can be a deadly thing indeed. :/

 

A small church in northeastern Oregon has been linked to the state’s largest coronavirus outbreak to date.

businessinsider.com.au

236 people got the coronavirus after an Oregon church held services during lockdown — more evidence that religious…

A small church in northeastern Oregon has been linked to the state’s largest coronavirus outbreak to date.

A small church in northeastern Oregon has been

'I made Juneteenth very famous', Say's The Boy-King

'Yeah, see, here's the thing about that. Very few people of color, you know, 'Black' people, hardly any actually, not many at all probably, even 'knew' anything about 'Juneteenth', or whatever it's called. But a long time ago, maybe weeks or longer ago, I had laid a very smart-brained plan to make it famous so that all my Black friends could have someone to thank for it. And vote for me. I could see that even among Black people there was hardly 'any' interest in that historical event of long ago, and I knew that it was up to me, their messiah, to make it famous. 
 See, first, I let it be known that I planned to have a very huge rally for all my wonderful cult followers. Then I casually 'mentioned' that maybe we'd do it on the same day that a few Black people would be celebrating that Juneteenth thing. I 'knew' that the Democrats would raise holy hell over that one, and sure enough they riled up some Black people who protested my 'plans', just as I knew they would. Then, just as I 'planned', it got really big, huge, like no one ever seen before, and just like that, everyone on the planet instantly became aware of it. Then, cleverly, I changed the rally date to the next day "out of respect", which makes 'me' look like a wonderfully benevolent 'leader' who hasn't got a 'racial' bone in my body, well except for that infamous 'bone spur' in my heel.
 But this isn't about 'me' is it? No, not at all! It's about America's President pandering for the Black vote in November by making "..Juneteenth very famous". 
 But that just me doing what I do best. And remember my also infamous words, "I always try to be truthful", you know, like right now. Really. Someone once said, 'it's better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all', and right now, I'm trying really hard to 'tell the truth'. Honest, you can believe me this time.' ;)


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The president made the remarks during an interview with The Wall Street Journal.

politico.com

Trump: 'I made Juneteenth very famous' by moving Tulsa rally

The president made the remarks during an interview with The Wall Street…

The president made the remarks during an interview with

No Cure For 'Stupid'

pence, 'The Bible Thumper VP', proclaims; "..there is "no second wave" of coronavirus".
Well, no shit sherlock! Of 'course' there's no "second wave", yet, simply because the 'First' wave has not finished with us yet! For anyone who blindly wonders what it would be like if pence, 'The Just As Moronic', were President, wonder no more. If you think it's bad under trump, 'The Denier', pence would make trump look like a 'prize'. Again, there is no cure for 'stupid'. :/

 

Vice President Mike Pence, the leader of the administration's coronavirus task force, is publicly painting a rosy picture of the pandemic through his words and actions amid President Donald Trump's push to reopen the country and resume campaigning.

About this website

cnn.com

Pence tries to declare coronavirus over as Trump pushes reopening and campaigning

Vice President Mike Pence, the leader of the administration's coronavirus task force, is publicly painting a rosy picture of the pandemic through his words and actions amid President Donald Trump's push to reopen the country and resume campaigning.

Vice President Mike Pence, the leader

'Ask Buddy', Installation Number 14

'Ask Buddy', Installation Number 14

Well, it seems that our little world is full of needy, and more than a little crazy, so onward we trudge in our quest to put a little light in their dark places. And here's another soul searching for the impossible. Let's jump right in!


Dear, Buddy,
I am in a total state of confusion! You are my only hope of saving my relationship with my 'best friend', whose name, coincidentally is also 'Buddy', no doubt purely 'coincidental'.

Here, let me start at the beginning....
Recently, during a crushing loss at a Chess game, the last in a long series of humiliating losses, and through keen observation, but mostly luck, I discovered that my Border Collie, 'Buddy', was cheating in order to win! Somehow, no doubt through slight of paw, he always had two (2) Queens on the board.!!  :O   One, the usual Queen, and the other disguised as a lowly Pawn! Can you believe that!? My 'best friend' already! And now, I'm quite certain that he won by 'cheating' all the other games where I was crushed and devastated each time, and all the while, he 'howled' with delight. I have little doubt now that had he not cheated, I could have won at least half of those games!
Now, I pretended to not notice, and did not call my discovery to his attention. Yet. As you well know, Border Collies can be very demanding, and much bossy with the, 'go this way, go that way, stop it, enough already, close the gate, yap, yap, yap', all the time. Thus, one should not raise their hackle by chastising them out of hand. The bottom line though is I'd like to at least win a 'few' games without being cheated on! I think that's not too much to ask. Right Buddy? I mean, come on!, he should throw 'me' a boner once in a while! I'm almost sorry I allowed him to teach me how to play in the first place!
My question is; how should I breech the subject of his cheating with 'Buddy', and still remain 'best friends?
'Throw Me A Bone', In L.A.

Dear 'Boner',
Oh dear! Tread lightly here! You have entered 'no mans land' where doggie 'mines' could appear underfoot in less than a moments notice. Many a favorite shoe has been rendered totally useless because of such carelessness.
First, get down on the floor with 'Buddy', but caution, do not engage in a losing 'stare down' contest with him. Then, in his own Scottish dialect, explain how you appreciate yours and his friendship status, compliment him on his shiny coat, his pearly whites, offer a few favorite treats, lick his paws but don't over-do it, and then  be sure to tell him what a 'good boy' he is.
Then, last, but not least, hug him up, throw some tennis balls, take him for a car ride, but Do Not accuse him of cheating! Don't you dare go there! Let it go, it's just a Border Collie thing.
Lastly, 'up' your chess game. If you must cheat to win, by all means do not let him catch you at it!! They might 'forgive', but they never 'forget'. No matter what you do though, know that your pitiful cause is a lost one from the beginning.
Above all, remember that the 'Border Collie' is always in charge, and he simply allows 'you' to be a 'best friend' bystander in their bossy little world. Adapt, and move along.
Good luck, and may the dog spirits be with you.

'Ask Buddy', Installment Number 13

'Ask Buddy', Installment Number 13

Holy wow! Those cards and letters, well, 'texts' anyway, just keep on rolling in! So many problems, so many hopeless souls searching for things they'll never find, so little time. But let's not waste precious 'time' fretting about it, instead, let's dive right in and save another 'needy'.


Dear Buddy,
Your 'fame', due to your incredible knack for 'solving' peoples self-induced life problems, and then, saving them from themselves, precedes you.

 I have read almost all of the 'sage advice' that you have proffered to those void of common sense, but heavy with stupidity, and I truly believe that I, myself, fall right into that barrel of craziness....
But, enough about 'you' Buddy, here's 'my' crazy 'problem'. Buddy; I've been told by reliable sources, and I can't help but believe it's true, that I am always searching for stuff, you know, like, who knows what, yet never even realizing when I've found it. Consequently, my house, my car, my garage, my pockets, are crammed full of useless crap that I have absolutely no clue as to where it came from, or how it got there. Is that crazy or what!? I mean, who does that? Right?

 Here's my two-part question Buddy, and I just know that you will solve my own self-induced problems, so that I can have more 'me' time to indulge in my time-consuming useless hobbies.

 First, Am I just batshit crazy, or is it just me?
Second, Can you help me find my car in the garage? I know it's in there somewhere, I've searched, and I've searched...wait!...I wonder if I've already 'found' it...or...not? Also, can you help me find my mom's phone number?
Thanks in advance Buddy!
'Crazy in Kalamazoo'

Dear Batshit,
As per your question, part one; Yes, a resounding, Yes!
As per your question, part two; Absolutely Not! I'll see what I can do about that phone number.
Oh, by the way Batshit, your mother just now called, said, "the CIA made me get an unlisted number". Said she'll call 'you'.
 Good luck anyway, Buddy.

Out of The Closet, Into Obscure Oblivion

Out of The Closet, Into Obscure Oblivion

' But, but,....the confederate flag, that American symbol of 'freedom', independence, rebel spirit, white pride, has always been associated with really fast cars and stuff. What would a 'good ol' boy' car racing event be like without that glorious banner flappin' in the exhaust fueled breeze? I mean, what? Can you imagine for even one little red neck second what the south would be like were it not for that wonderful battle banner? Can you?
Well, I sure can't, and I bet you can't either! "I don’t believe in kneeling during Anthem nor taken ppl right to fly what ever flag they love,” he posted. “I could care less about the Confederate Flag, but there are ppl that do and it doesn’t make them a racist all you are doing is (expletive) one group to cater to another and i ain’t spend the money we are to participate in any political BS!! So everything is for SALE!!”
 Can you believe that I wrote that all by myself? Yep, I sure did! Sure, I slept through most of my 'grammar' classes, but you get my drift, right? Right?
Now, there are some who will accuse me of being a 'closet racist' but as you can see, I'm totally 'out' of my closet, and I'm flying my true 'confederate' white boy colors for the world to see!
I don't know what in the world car and truck racing will do without me going round, and round, and round, and round, those NASCAR race tracks, you know, really fast and stuff, but I reckon they'll just flounder like a fish out of water. Too bad for them but I gotta stick to my 'Southern Heritage', and if there's no rebel flag, there's simply no sense in my racing any more! Well, maybe I'll continue until the end of the 2020 season, if I still have 'sponsors', that is.
 I'm pretty sure that there'll be a 'whole lot' of drivers just like me that will follow me and quit racing in protest of NASCAR's stupid 'politically correct' decision. Really. Lots, and lots of'em! People just like myself. Come on guys, let's show them we mean business! And you know what else? I don't care one bit that most of my $$sponsors$$ will drop me like a red hot racist potato! There! Goodbye cruel world.' ;) ;)


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Ray Ciccarelli, a NASCAR trucks driver, announced on social media Wednesday that he plans on quitting the sport shortly after the release of new guidelines that included a ban on Confederate flags at races.

About this website

foxnews.com

NASCAR Truck Series driver says he’s leaving sport after new Confederate flag policy

Ray Ciccarelli, a NASCAR trucks driver, announced on social media Wednesday that he plans on quitting the sport shortly after the release of new guidelines that included a ban on Confederate flags at races.

Ray Ciccarelli, a NASCAR trucks driver, announced on