Ask Buddy  Installment Number 27

Hey Buddy! Buddy, I need help bad! Well I don't mean I need 'bad' help, you know, just the other way around actually. I know in my heart of hearts that I can depend on you and you alone to really help me. Here, let me tell you what's up. My whole family, some I'm not too convinced of, my so called friends, and not too sure of most of them, and of all people, my doctor, and I 'know' of all people he would be the last to say so, tell me that I'm crazy as a loon! What in the hell is a 'Loon'!? Is that the same as a Goon? I know what That is, but this loon thing has me stumped like crazy. not 'loon' crazy, just crazy crazy. Whatever it Is, I'm not crazy as, as far as I know anyway. Oh sure!, I might do some silly stuff like, standing in front of trains, which I do Not recommend to novice train buffs, jaywalking, swimming with sharks, Never ever using my seatbelt, playing with copperhead snakes, closing my eyes going down stairs, jumping from my second floor windows, picking fights with UFC Fighters, which I plan on winning some day as soon as my current injuries heal up, and there's some more but I think you get my point here.

 Now does That stuff make me 'crazy?'  Could all these biased people be wrong about me?  What can I do to convince people that I'm as sane as you Buddy?  How about we have lunch out on the tarmac at JFK Airport some day, and you'll see first hand that I'm not so crazy after all!?  Hurry up with your answers before they figure a way to have me committed to the looneytune bin!  Thanks Buddy!                                  Not so crazy after all in Motor City, USA.

Dear Crazy as A Loon, Thanks for entrusting me with your clouded future. You ask, "what in the hell is a loon". Well, as crazy to You as it may seem, it's just a 'bird' that lives on water. Yeah, I know, that's just 'crazy', right? And no, not the same a a 'goon', birds don't carry guns.  Does the 'silly' things you do make you "crazy"?  Yes, I'm afraid so. And No, those people are not as biased as you imagine. What can you do to "convince people that I'm as sane as you Buddy", well as to the first part of that question, that ship has sailed. You were probably dodging traffic in an intersection and missed the boat as well. As for the second part of that same question 'as sane as You Buddy", hmmm...good luck with That! And last, hopefully, "tarmac at JFK Airport", shoot!, I have appointments all day long on that day but you can write to me at 'Ask Buddy' 1234 Fifth St. Loonville, USA, 54321  As soon as I get your letter I'll touch base with you for a 'lunch date.  Good luck Crazy, you're gonna need lots of it!

 Ask Buddy Installment Number 26

What better to do than to give sage advice, as seen following, to another 'Needy' soul. 

Dear Mr. Buddy, I sure hope and practically pray, not that I'm a religious nut or something like that, but I Am a great 'hoper' for sure. What's Your favorite thing to hope for Buddy? I bet you hope you can solve everybody's problems without breaking a sweat! I sure hope so! Well, at least for my own! Right? Well, I wont waste your time with small chat Buddy, so I'll get right to it here.     I'm 48 years old, and like most of my friends I still live with my parents, I don't have a job yet but I 'hope' to have one someday. I really like living here because I don't have to pay rent or contribute to anything while doing it. Pretty cool huh? The problem is, my parents keep bugging me to get a job and a place of my own because they want to retire and 'downsize', whatever that is! Downsize?? Are they really trying to become 'smaller' than they already are?? How crazy is That!? I told them to just go on a diet and stop eating all of my snacks! Good grief! But why should I have to get a job, and the last thing I want to do is find a place of my own! Shoot! I have it right here! Actually, I think They should find a place of Their own and stop bothering me while I'm playing my computer games! Their house is paid for so whatta they got to lose!      So, are they just crazy and lazy or is it just me? And how can I convince them that They should move out so that I can live as I've become accustomed to?   Thanks Buddy, I just know you'll have a good answer to my problems. Your friend in need.

Dear Needy, to answer your first question; No, No, and of course, Yes.   To answer your second question, just follow my instructions without fail. Remember, it's your 'parents' that have the problems that are way bigger than your own, or actually, as big as yourself. 

  Here's what you will do, and also remember that it was You that asked for advice.  First you must use 'reverse phycology' on your unfortunate parents. Keep in mind that they are likely by now elderly and easily influenced, which makes Your job a whole lot easier.  This means that you convince them, in their owns minds anyway, that the following scenario is 'Their' idea and not your own, even though it Is your own idea. Don't get confused yet. If you want I can type reaaalll slooow. Now, just tell them that maybe they Should go ahead and 'downsize', whatever that means to You. Then, and this is where the 'tricky mind play' comes in, tell them that you've decided to 'move out', actually you will simply go and sponge off of one of your likewise friends while your parents go about 'getting smaller'. It takes a few months for a person to 'downsize' getting 'smaller' so have patients and give them plenty of time to get there. Tell them you will positively move back in without fail in four months, and wish them luck in 'downsizing'. Give them plenty of encouragement at first but leave them totally alone after you 'temporally' move out. Wait four months and then just do a 'drive-by', no, Not That kind of 'drive-by', just drive down their street and cruise past your former home and see if they are still there. If still there wait another four months. 'Downsizing' is not easily, or always quickly done. I think you are going to be really 'surprised' at how well this works out for you!   Good luck Needy! Be sure to give me an update. Remember, You asked for it. ;) ;)

 Ask Buddy  Installment number 25

Gosh, just when I thought I'd get a break for a while along comes 'Jeb' from the "Show Me State' with serious need of my 'professional' advice. So tighten your seatbelts as we hotrod into the 'speed zone'.

Hi Buddy! You don't know me but I sure do know you. I'm whatcha might call, a 'follower'. Not like a 'stalker' or anything like that of course. I mean, Who does That!? You know, I'm just a 'reader' follower. Really.  Well, enough about Me, but I could go on and on and on but I wont. So here's the thing I'm writing to you about and I just know you can help me.  Almost all of my friends, as they call themselves, actually believe that planet Earth is shaped like a basketball. Can you believe that!? I mean what the hell is that all about.  Anyone with the brains of a piss ant knows that it's flat as a banana pancake! Right? Do you like pancakes Buddy? Boy, I sure do! Anyway, there's no way that earth can possibly be round like a ball! Buddy, I consider myself pretty smart. I'm the sharp knife in the drawer! People tell me that I'm at the top of the 'heap' when it comes to brains. But, they also tell me that the earth is round and not flat. Some folks just don't have any common sense like you and I do Buddy! Right?

 My question is this, will you help me prove that the earth is flat?  Do you think I'm a little crazy here? How should I go about 'proving' my case that the earth really is flat as a fritter? 

Thanks in advance for your 'professional' help Buddy! Affectionately, 'Flat Earther Jeb', in the "Show Me State".

Dear Flat Earther Jeb, or whomever you may be, my answers are as follows;  Yes,  Yes more than a "little",  and Yes. First, if you really Are in the 'Show Me State' this means that no matter what, you have grown up in a state, no pun intended, of perpetual doubt about, well...everything, and I can't really blame you for thinking the earth is flat, as you have been born to do.  So, with that out of the way, here's what you should do;     First, climb to the top of something that's about 100ft tall. From there you'll be able to see the horizon that's around 12 miles or so distant. Remember, that's Not the edge of the earth yet, so don't worry you wont fall off yet. Next, do the same thing as before. Upon traveling that 12 miles repeat the same drill again, and again, and again, and all over again. Eventually you'll wind up right there in your own back yard. Oh, be sure you pack a lunch, you're gonna get a little hungry! Check back in with me when you actually do, if ever, locate the edge of Your 'Flat Earth'. Good luck Jeb! ;)

 'Ask Buddy'  Installment Number 24  

As luck would have it we have another lost soul just floundering around in life full of  

Hey Buddy!  I wrote to you a long time ago but I forgot to mail it so you probably don't remember me, do you? Well, once you know me it'll be hard to forget me, that's for sure! Just ask my parents! You're probably wondering right now why I'm writing to you 'again', and when am I gonna move out of their house. Oh, where do I begin? I'll try starting at the beginning 'cause I guess it'd make more sense that way. I always start at the beginning of things, you know, like going to the store. I usually start from where I'm at at the time. Works 'nearly' every time! Some folks tell me I'm pretty smart. What do you think Buddy? Is it alright with you if I call you 'Bud'? Seems like I've known you a long time Bud! Well, here's My problem, it's about the only problem I actually have, that I'm aware of.  Anyway, here it is in a nutshell. Hmmm...wonder where that came from! I never saw a 'problem' in a nutshell, just a bunch of nut stuff...Oh well, it's for bigger brains than mine to figure that one out.

Anyway Bud, it's like this, I have a dog, I call'em "Dog"...because, well, he Is a 'dog' after all. Can't call him 'Cat' now can I? I yell "Hey Dog", and he comes arunning. So far so good. He's a good dog as far as That goes. But he has this one little habit, I guess you could call it, where when he's around other people he likes to sneak up behind them and sniff their butts. I mean what tha hell is That all about!? I don't do it that I know of, so why does Dog do it?? Annnd, he likes to sniff women's crotches''! I don't know What he's after down there!? I'd sure like to know! My question is, Number 1, when He does it should I just get down there and do it too? Number 2, Would it become habit forming? Number 3, Should I ask first? Number 4, Should I just ask, "hey, whatcha got in your pants anyway?"  Well, I'll be sure to mail This one Bud! Hurry up with your answers before I get in some sort of trouble on my own!                                             Your new friend, with a dog named Dog.

Dear 'Dog', Maybe, Probably, Yes, Probably not. I have a feeling we'll be seeing you in the news so Good luck and don't blame it on the 'Dog'! 

 November 5, 2024, The day America's Democracy Was Highjacked By A Demagogue, and Replaced With A Dictatorial Plutocracy Regime.

November 5, 2024 will go down in history as the Presidential election that ushered in a demagogue masquerading as the President of The United States of America, a Nation formerly known and celebrated as a Democratic Nation. That acclaim, of over a short 246  tumultuous years, was null and voided on November 5, when stupid, foolish, greedy, racist, Trumpcultist's, so called 'loyal' American's, cast their ballots and elected the epitome of demagoguery,  their 'cult leader' and false messiah, Donald trump, who eight years prior had then been elected, for a long 4 gut wrenching years then as President by these same foolish, greedy, racist voters, cult following Republicans, and now here in 2024, they raised their empty 'American loving' heads once again while adoring and groveling at the feet of their false messiah. And all across America all that could be heard was tRumpcult members roaring with excitement as they now knew that their worldly troubles were over. And in the background could be heard the gnashing of teeth and the wringing of hands of the other Americans who never dreamed that their democratic America could suddenly, and frightfully be sold to the highest bidder. In the empty heads of the brainwashed tRumper's they were pretty sure that their messiah would share his infinite 'business' knowledge that would make themselves rich, and to be able to live in a debt free racist segregated America, and that he would, while pardoning himself from his own actual felony convictions, absolve Them of their own criminal convictions (members of the cult only please, see Jan.6), their personal and business debts, and short of dying and going to heaven, more likely hell, this was as close as they could get, for now. Happy now with their foolish democracy killing deed, these 'American's' little know that "No good deed goes unpunished". They can't see it at this very moment but after January 2025 when their messiah is officially knighted as the 'Ruler of America", there will be mental turmoil, anguish, and their own gnashing of teeth and wringing of sweaty hands among those same cult members as they discover that they have elected a 'false messiah', and that all the lies and fantastic conspiracy theories spewed by their 'savior' were actual lies after all, and wonder, too late, "WTH did I do?! 

As soon as he is formerly knighted as King, Messiah, and quasi Dictator of his now personal playground, America, trump will embark on a personal and evil crusade of revenge, retribution and purges of his real, perceived, and imaginary enemies. On his list of enemies will be any Republican party member of any station or political position, who foolishly, in his own mind at least, dared to call him out as a dangerous sociopath or simply voted against him. They will slowly 'wither on the vine' and fall into the dust of political history. Also, on his 'hit list' will be any Governor, democrat or republican, of any state that opposed him. Their political 'life' will be short and full of turmoil. Also, on this list, an institution he vocally dislikes, will be any Military General that trump imagines as dangerous to his realm, or refuses illegal orders to become Americas 'police force' against Americas citizens, contrary to our Constitution, he will try Military Court Marshalls first, and if that fails, he will find any other way, legal or not, to purge our standing military of everyone who he imagines as his enemy, and they will soon find themselves in the unemployment line or imprisoned. Also, on his list of purge victims will be any non-republicans who head any federal administration office, no matter how large or small, and will replace them with handpicked tRumpcult members, qualified for the position or not, as long as they are absolute 'yes men' and will follow his every order, legal or not because He can absolve them of their unlawful 'sins'. These positions will be filled with no less than millionaires. He will appoint well known Billionaire conspiracy theorists, anti-vaxer's, closet racists, and known militia antigovernment members to the upper echelon in his cabinet of mini-me's. These will be the dredges of an affluent, self-entitled society that will be in charge, with free hand of our America from A to Z and will be the epitome of 'yes men' who will do as they are ordered by their messiah or experience political and personal doom. There will be few, if any, brave souls left in America's now polluted political system who will dare confront the King lest they lose their crazy heads. The Supreme Court, a useless institution such as it is, already top heavy with tRumpcult members will quickly become a full panel of simple 'yes-men' who will of course follow the orders of their master, Constitution be damned. Federal judges across the land will be handpicked as 'yes-men' or will be replaced. The 'Rule of Law' and the DOJ which enforces that 'rule' will be but a memory. On a state and county level, local county Sheriffs who currently refuse to carry out their sworn duties of enforcing all laws and who fancy themselves as 'protectors' of a constitution they have never even read nor understand, and who are tRumpers as well as closet anti-government militants, will jump for joy now that they will be protected by their messiah. Millions of immigrants will face the real possibility of forced deportation which will adversely affect them, the nation's farming entities and farm goods supply chain. In short, our nation will be thrown into a tumultuous, litigious, and dangerous era that will very well curse America, and the world in general, for decades, more likely forever, to come.

Free Nations that, pre-tRump, counted on America as their own anchor on the worlds tumultuous sea's, will quickly discover that unless they vow their loyalty and their very lives to the new messiah, that they can be, and surely will be, cast aside and delivered summarily to any enemy nation that seeks to invade and conquer. The Free Nation of Ukraine currently under attack by Russia will be cut off from all USA lifesaving military aid unless Ukraine conforms, and curtseys to trumps dictates which will allow Russia to keep any Ukrainian territory illegally taken by them. This will embolden Russia now seeing that America is militarily hobbled, weak and easily duped, to continue the destruction of Ukraine with the assistance of thousands of N. Korean minions, and cross other nations borders in attempt to 'own' that nations land and souls within. Any European nation will be fair game for putin's grab for European dominance. NATO will be left to its own devices in trying without Americas help to stem the onrushing tide of putin's regime that strives to own what putin fancies as his own rightful lands. The rest of the world's evil dictators will see in trump, as he does in them, themselves. All they have to do is compliment trump on his 'stylish' hair-do, or his incredible golfing 'skills', and especially his 'love' of beautiful airheaded women, and they will instantly become his Whitehouse dinner guests, all at America's peril.  Hopefully I will be wrong about some of these above-mentioned scenarios, time will tell, but if past and present world history is any indicator of the 'what-ifs' that Could happen, then America, or as tRump himself has called it, "America is a trash can", is going to  really understand what the phrase, "Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it" really means.  

UPDATE: 08-26-2025

                 Well, as much as it pains me to sadly gloat about my predictions made in November 2024, all you have to do is watch the news, read the papers, and pay attention to what Dictator tRump is busily doing as he dismantles America's Constitution, The Rule Of Law, and Human Rights world wide. The American Democratic Party, which stupidly slept through the four years during the Biden administration while insanely thinking the democrats would be a shoe-in, are now lost in the empty space of their own minds as now the 'Republican Cult party' rules the land. tRump now Owns the lawless US Supreme Court, as well as the US Military which he has successfully politized without so much as a whimper from Americans, and turning our soldiers out onto our streets, in violation of our Constitution, taking over our Law Enforcement agencies. Well, there's even more disturbing news, just pay attention to the news. (If there's anyone who even still cares) Sometimes I just hate being right! 

     I cry for America. 

I cry for what it was, and for what it has become under the current, and still under construction, quasi militaristic 'dictatorship'.  I cry for our children, our grandchildren, and Their children who will never know, not even in scrubbed 'history' books, museums, and library's, how it was and what it could have been sans this self appointed, lawless, untouchable, entitled felon that a segment of tunnel blind cult followers foolishly traded away our democracy in lieu of a false prophet.  I cry bitter tears knowing that our once proud nation, and the world in general, will Never recover or heal from the terrible damage done by this one singular despotic madman, and that while even the cowards who Could have stopped him, failed in their sworn duty to protect America from what they knew he was about. In abject fear of losing their federal jobs and their potential for garnering millions under his 'kingship' they scurried back under their rocks and became invisible both in voice and sight while their master and cult leader began the destruction and the end 'Law of The Land', 'The Rule of Law', and of our sacred democracy.  I cry for our now shredded, and practically useless, Constitution which our Founding Fathers wisely penned in order to protect America and all Americans, both Aboriginals and Immigrants alike from despotic kings and dictators. Little could they have imaged or even dreamed that their thoughtful democratic endeavors would be shredded by the very evil type of tyrannical, and despotic entity that they strove to prevent in the first place. The American Civil War of 1861-1865 nearly destroyed our nations unity, and but for wiser minds and braver Americans it would have ended then and there. Now, here 160 years later, our nation is being torn apart by a self centered, egotistical madman who cares nothing about 'The Rule of Law' or our Constitution and is bent on becoming, in his own mind, the best 'American dictator' America has ever had. I still have a margin of hope, but I still cry for America.

 "Ask Buddy"   Installment number 23

Hi Buddy!

It's Me, 'Hard scrabble' in New York!

You were probably wondering when you'd hear from me again, and I bet you have worried yourself sick as a dog wondering how I've been. I know I already asked a bunch of questions, and as I mentioned, I have plenty more of'em. But first ya gotta answer some of the ones already asked. Come on already!

Too bad about your dog barfing on your keyboard! I don't have a dog, we sorta had to eat him last winter when we ran out of road kills to eat. But I do have a pet polar bear, I call him/her, not sure which, and I ain't brave enough to check, 'Polar Bear'. I mean, that's what it is right? He ate my keyboard one time. He still hasn't pooped that thing! Do you like Polar Bears? I sure do, even though one time my grandma saw one tearing down the clothesline. She grabbed a broom and ran out to give him his forty whacks.  After about ten of'em, he turned around and ate her. Don't take a broom to a bear fight! Good thing to remember.

I'm so glad you are my virtual buddy, Buddy. I really like having friends! Did I ask if you got your keyboard cleaned up. I sure do wish I'd hear from you. Maybe you could send me airfare, and I could come stay with you for a while. Do you have a nice big couch? Do you like to eat lizards? Can I bring my pet bear with me? He's potty trained. Well, sorta.

Hope to see you soon pal! Hard Scrabble in New York.

D#ar *ard s%ra&ble, Wor&i$g o@ it. I'l* c@$l ^ou! Re$@ly!

 'News' Alert!!

Trump, America's Little Bully (LB), and his list of things to re-name;

  Well, you ask for it folks and here it is in full living color.

#1-"Gulf of Mexico", which by the way you may remember, America stole from Mexico, has, according

to LB carried that name far too long now and will change the name to its victor "The Gulf of America". Take That Mexico!

#2-"Veterans Day", Yep, that one as well. That "Veterans Day" handle is just way to short and simple and so LB with his 'incredible' intellect dug real deep into his hollow cranium and came out with, "Victory Day for World War 1". The heck with all those other 'wars'! His first choice of names was "Trump Victory Day" but then said to no one in particular, "On second thought, I'm much too humble to name something after my infamous self".

#3-"Presidents Day", You guessed it, "Donald Trump, the Magnificent Day". I mean, Afterall, why not!

#4-"Easter", will be known as, "Trump the Immaculate Conception Day", he, being the very epitome of 'religion' feels that 'Easter' has been giving the credit of discovering Jesus to the wrong person. 

 

"Ask Buddy', Installment Number 22

Even for a world renowned problem solver such as 'Dear Buddy', the mind has its limits and must be stored in the 'Imponderables' box.

Dear Buddy,

I know you are likely busy as a one-legged goal kicker, no disrespect in case you really are one, but I have a few imponderables for you to hopefully answer so that I can finally get a good night's sleep.

Is the opposite of 'falling down', you know, like 'falling down a rabbit hole', 'falling up', you know like 'falling up' the stairs? I mean Who does That!? If I'm 'discombobulated' about something, but then I get it, does that mean I'm now 'bobulated'? If someone says, "man, that's some scary shit", should we suppose that he has actually Seen some "shit" that Wasn't 'scary'?? I have heard folks say. "Well, he's showed up like a bad penny", are 'penny's' Really that 'bad'? Wait! I have just one more Buddy, If the world isn't really flat, then why don't they make maps round like a beach ball". Thanks in advance Buddy, you are my answer guru! 

'Imponderable' in Grassy Creek, Ga.

Dear Imponderable,

 Your questions describe you well. While I 'ponder' your imponderables perhaps you should find a safe sleep aid, then smack your noggin with a #4 ball peen hammer, use the small rounded end. When you eventually wake up things will look a little different to you. Keep the ball peen close by in the likely event you should 'somehow' think of another imponderable that could keep you from getting your forty winks. Don't worry, I'll call You. Really. Buddy.