"Ask Buddy"   Installment number 23

Hi Buddy!

It's Me, 'Hard scrabble' in New York!

You were probably wondering when you'd hear from me again, and I bet you have worried yourself sick as a dog wondering how I've been. I know I already asked a bunch of questions, and as I mentioned, I have plenty more of'em. But first ya gotta answer some of the ones already asked. 

Too bad about your dog barfing on your keyboard! I don't have a dog, we sorta had to eat him last winter when we ran out of roadkills to eat. But I do have a pet polar bear, I call him/her, not sure which, 'Polar Bear'. I mean, that's what it is right? He ate my keyboard one time. He still hasn't pooped that thing! Do you like Polar Bears? I sure do, even though one time my grandma saw one tearing down the clothesline. She grabbed a broom and ran out to give him his forty whacks. After about ten of'em, he turned around and ate her. Don't take a broom to a bear fight! Good thing to remember.

I'm so glad you are my virtual buddy, Buddy. I really like having friends! Did I ask if you got your keyboard cleaned up. I sure do wish I'd hear from you. Maybe you could send me airfare, and I could come stay with you for a while. Do you have a nice big couch?

Hope to see you soon pal! Hard Scrabble in New York.

D#ar *ard s%ra&&le, Wor&i$g o@ it. I'l* c@$$ ^ou! Re$@@y!

 'News' Alert!!

Trump, America's Little Bully (LB), and his list of things to re-name;

  Well, you ask for it folks and here it is in full living color.

#1-"Gulf of Mexico", which by the way you may remember, America stole from Mexico, has, according

to LB carried that name far too long now and will change the name to its victor "The Gulf of America". Take That Mexico!

#2-"Veterans Day", Yep, that one as well. That "Veterans Day" handle is just way to short and simple and so LB with his 'incredible' intellect dug real deep into his hollow cranium and came out with, "Victory Day for World War 1". The heck with all those other 'wars'! His first choice of names was "Trump Victory Day" but then said to no one in particular, "On second thought, I'm much too humble to name something after my infamous self".

#3-"Presidents Day", You guessed it, "Donald Trump, the Magnificent Day". I mean, Afterall, why not!

#4-"Easter", will be known as, "Trump the Immaculate Conception Day", he, being the very epitome of 'religion' feels that 'Easter' has been giving the credit of discovering Jesus to the wrong person. 

 

"Ask Buddy', Installment Number 22

Dear Buddy,

I know you are likely busy as a one-legged goal kicker, no disrespect in case you really are one, but I have a few imponderables for you to hopefully answer so that I can finally get a good night's sleep.

Is the opposite of 'falling down', you know, like 'falling down' a rabbit hole, 'falling up', you know like 'falling up' the stairs? I mean Who does That!? If I'm 'discombobulated' about something, but then I get it, does that mean I'm now 'bobulated'? If someone says, "man, that's some scary shit", should we suppose that he has actually Seen some "shit" that Wasn't 'scary'?? I have heard folks say. "Well, he's showed up like a bad penny", are 'penny's' Really that 'bad'? Wait! I have just one more Buddy, If the world isn't really flat then why don't they make maps round like a beach ball". Thanks in advance Buddy, you are my answer guru! 'Imponderable' in Grassy Creek, Ga.

Dear Imponderable,

 Your questions describe you well. While I 'ponder' your imponderables perhaps you should find a safe sleep aid, then smack your noggin with a #4 ball peen hammer. When you eventually wake up things will look a little different to you. Keep the ball peen close by in the likely event you should 'somehow' think of another imponderable that could keep you from getting your forty winks. Don't worry, I'll call You. Really. Buddy.