' Aaaahhhhhh...I have just returned from my most favorite dictatorial country where I have been most enlightened, and some would say 'brainwashed' by my very BFF Ri Su Yong, an elder statesman of North Korean foreign affairs who is particularly close to Supreme Dictator Kim Jong-un, ( well at Least at the moment anyway). You would never guess it by my otherwise hulking appearance but I used to be very great wrestler here in my country of Japan. I used to kick some serious butt, but Now I love everyone, and I'm a peaceful kinda guy. I always wanted to move into the 'political' arena as I found both the wrestling arena And the political one to be much the same. You simply grab your opponent by the neck, and hold him down until he thumps the floor three times. Then one day while my opponent was busy bashing my Then good looking face with a metal folding chair, I reflected upon my lifetime ambitions and decided that before my brain was Really scrambled, that I should retire while the retiring is 'good'. After I entered the 'political' arena I discovered that most other politicians were Also a bit brain damaged, so I felt right at home. Secretly I have always admired dictatorships in a way that only I can comprehend.
Then, one day I said to no one in particular, 'Japan should be very close 'friends' with North Korea'. Seeing as how I know nearly Nothing about politics but Do know a little bit about wrestling, I decided that indeed, we should be friends. Oh sure, many jealous people told me that North Korea would just trick me and play hide-n-seek with my brain. But No, I told them, they are very honorable communists and would neve lie to, or hurt Anyone...well...except maybe their Own people perhaps. And so then I cleverly tricked a bunch of wrestlers into visiting North Korea with me where they would also be brainwashed and wrestle some of Their wrestlers. Of course we had to agree that our opponets would 'win', if you Know what I mean, every match or face a very angry, but excellellant marksmen, firing squad. But that's the price of good deplomacy. And who said former wrestling stars can't be good politicians!
And get This! While I was there as honored number 1 guest, they let me tour their nucular bomb facility! For Real! And for 90 whole minutes I got the grand tour, and was allowed to go Anywhere I wished there! After the wonderful informative tour I was allowed to remove the blindfold which in the photo is still around my huge appreciative neck. My BFF assured me that Japan is not even on their world map let alone marked as a 'bombing range' for their nuke missiles. He told me in all 'honesty' that All their warheads are destined for the United States. See?! How about That? Japan is off the perverbial nucular hook afterall. I knew all along that North Korea was up to something 'good'! So now my country can stick it's silly head back in the sand and 'never' have to worry about our new BFF North Korea being mean to us, or you can be assured that I will hold them in a 'full nelson' until they hollor 'Uncle Kim Jong-un' and tap the floor three honorable times.' ;) ;)
Asia & Pacific
Then, one day I said to no one in particular, 'Japan should be very close 'friends' with North Korea'. Seeing as how I know nearly Nothing about politics but Do know a little bit about wrestling, I decided that indeed, we should be friends. Oh sure, many jealous people told me that North Korea would just trick me and play hide-n-seek with my brain. But No, I told them, they are very honorable communists and would neve lie to, or hurt Anyone...well...except maybe their Own people perhaps. And so then I cleverly tricked a bunch of wrestlers into visiting North Korea with me where they would also be brainwashed and wrestle some of Their wrestlers. Of course we had to agree that our opponets would 'win', if you Know what I mean, every match or face a very angry, but excellellant marksmen, firing squad. But that's the price of good deplomacy. And who said former wrestling stars can't be good politicians!
And get This! While I was there as honored number 1 guest, they let me tour their nucular bomb facility! For Real! And for 90 whole minutes I got the grand tour, and was allowed to go Anywhere I wished there! After the wonderful informative tour I was allowed to remove the blindfold which in the photo is still around my huge appreciative neck. My BFF assured me that Japan is not even on their world map let alone marked as a 'bombing range' for their nuke missiles. He told me in all 'honesty' that All their warheads are destined for the United States. See?! How about That? Japan is off the perverbial nucular hook afterall. I knew all along that North Korea was up to something 'good'! So now my country can stick it's silly head back in the sand and 'never' have to worry about our new BFF North Korea being mean to us, or you can be assured that I will hold them in a 'full nelson' until they hollor 'Uncle Kim Jong-un' and tap the floor three honorable times.' ;) ;)
Asia & Pacific
North Korea’s nuclear program is targeting U.S., Japanese lawmaker says
The inside track on Washington politics.
Japanese lawmaker Antonio Inoki, right, shakes hands with North Korean official Ri Su Yongprior to their meeting in Pyongyang, North Korea, on Saturday. (AP)
The warning came as two U.S. military B-1 bombers flew over the southern half of the peninsula in a show of force against North Korea, and top military brass and diplomats warned Pyongyang that the United States is prepared to take all steps to contain and punish the regime.
North Korea defied United Nations resolutions and international warnings by detonating its fifth and largest nuclear weapon Friday, declaring that it was a warhead that could be used to counter “the American threat.”
Antonio Inoki, a former professional wrestler who now serves in Japan’s parliament, returned Tuesday from a five-day visit to Pyongyang saying that Japan need not worry about the North’s nuclear program.
North Korea has conducted its fifth nuclear test
North Korea has conducted its fifth nuclear test, on the day of an important holiday for the regime. The Washington Post's Anna Fifield explains what that means.North Korea has conducted its fifth nuclear test, on the day of an important holiday for the regime. The Post's Anna Fifield explains what that means. (Anna Fifield/The Washington Post)
Ri was Pyongyang’s ambassador to Switzerland when Kim, now the 32-year-old North Korean leader, attended school there. He served as foreign minister in Kim’s regime until May, when he was promoted further up the Workers’ Party ranks and became a full member of the Politburo and director of the party’s international relations department.
Inoki, who has tried to be a bridge between Japan and North Korea, told Japanese reporters who were waiting for him at the Beijing airport that he spent 90 minutes with Ri on Saturday, the day after the nuclear test. But these were the only remarks he made as he arrived at the airport.
His trip coincided with the nuclear test and followed provocative missile launches, several of which ended with landings within Japan’s air defense identification zone, earning harsh condemnation from Japan.
Although the missiles North Korea has been testing put only South Korea and parts of Japan and China within reach, many analysts agree that this is part of a larger program aimed at developing an intercontinental ballistic missile able to reach the U.S. mainland. The bigger goal is to attach a nuclear warhead to that missile, they say.
Pyongyang put out another dismissive statement Tuesday about the reaction to its nuclear test. “The U.S. and its followers are making much fuss, creating impression that a nuclear bomb was dropped in downtown Washington or Seoul,” the Korean Central News Agency said.
“Neither sanctions nor provocation nor pressure can ever bring down the position of the DPRK as a full-fledged nuclear weapons state, and highhanded political and military provocations of the enemies will only invite a merciless nuclear strike which will lead them to a final ruin,” the agency said, using the official abbreviation for North Korea.
In Seoul, U.S. and South Korean officials stepped up their warnings.
“North Korea’s nuclear test is a dangerous escalation and poses an unacceptable threat,” said Gen. Vincent K. Brooks, commander of U.S. Forces Korea, as two B-1B Lancers, which carry the largest payload of any U.S. bomber, flew over South Korea together with American F-16s and South Korean F-15Ks.
The bombers were moved to a U.S. air base in Guam in August as part of a buildup against North Korea, and they conducted a training exercise with Japanese fighter jets over the southern island of Kyushu while en route to the Korean Peninsula.
“Today’s demonstration provides just one example of the full range of military capabilities in the deep resources of this strong alliance to provide and strengthen extended deterrence,” Brooks said.
Separately, Sung Kim, Washington’s point man on North Korea, said after meeting his South Korean counterpart that the latest nuclear test has bolstered international resolve to hold the North accountable.
“We are, of course, working . . . to take additional significant steps, including new sanctions, to demonstrate to North Korea that there indeed are serious consequences for its unlawful and dangerous actions,” he said.
The U.N. Security Council, which imposed tough new sanctions after a nuclear test in January, also has condemned the test and vowed to respond.
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